11 Things You NEED to Know Before Dating A Woman Fluent In Sarcasm

Men, what you need to know before dating a woman fluent in sarcasm.

Sarcastic women aren’t THAT funny. Just kidding, we totally are. (That was sarcasm.)

I’ve been told I’m sarcastic, but I just call it an intolerance for stupidity. Most of my friends appreciate my quick wit even if it can be snarky at times.

Now and then, I run across someone who doesn’t get my humor. I had a date with a guy I’d met on an online dating site last week. We started talking and he asked, “How many kids do you have?” I responded, “I have 6. Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

The waiter stopped by to take our order and my date asked me, “Do you drink?” I answered with, “Did you not hear the part about 6 kids?” He continued to stare, solemn-faced, waiting for me to answer him. I knew right then that there was no chance of a relationship with this guy.

Not everyone can appreciate the utter brilliance of a sarcastic person. Not everyone “gets it.” Not everyone can handle dating someone with a sarcastic sense of humor. Can you?

 

Here are 11 things you need to know before embarking on a relationship with someone whose primary mode of communication is sarcasm.

1. Sarcasm is our defense mechanism.

We aren’t cold and heartless; quite the opposite is true. We just can’t let people know we have actual feelings.

Admitting we’re sensitive, emotional people is like kryptonite to a sarcastic person — it destroys our invincibility.

If you bare your soul to us and tell us a sad story, chances are we’ll make a smart aleck comment lest we burst into tears and prove that under our hard exteriors we have a soft, chewy center.

 

2. We don’t take compliments very well.

I was recently dating a guy who asked me, “Why do you roll your eyes and give a sarcastic comment every time I tell you-you’re beautiful?”

I think I responded with, “Yes, I’m a supermodel. I have a photo shoot tomorrow for a plastic surgeon. He wants some ‘before pictures’ for his advertising.” We’re no longer dating.

3. We really only appreciate compliments where you tell us we’re funny.

That kind of compliment is golden. We eat that up because we think we’re hilarious. And we usually have tons of fans who think we’re hilarious, too.

If you tell us we’re funny, we decide then and there that you’re worthy. You “get us” and there is nothing hotter than that.

 

4. We want you to dish it right back to us.

If you want to date us, you have to be quick on your toes. There’s nothing more pathetic than a man curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, and whimpering about how mean we are.

We want a man who will fling the sarcasm right back at us.

 

5. Not all sarcasm is mean.

Sarcasm has a connotation of being mean-spirited, and although it absolutely can be, it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes, it’s just funny.

I tend to be very sarcastic, but I rarely say anything hurtful. I have a deep appreciation for irony, and a large amount of the time my sarcasm is directed at me. I reserve the mean sarcasm for special occasions.

If you don’t want mean-spirited sarcasm directed toward you, don’t be stupid and you’ll be fine.

6. We’re freaking smart.

People who use sarcasm are wicked smart. Really. There are studies. People who use and “get” sarcasm are adept at understanding linguistics — body language, tone, and social cues.

Our brains really have to work harder to interpret all the cues that make, “Good job!” actually mean, “You’re a moron and I don’t know how you manage to dress yourself every day.”

7. We display sarcasm at inappropriate times.

We can’t help it because we don’t have an on/off switch. Sometimes the snarkiness comes out at the wrong times.

When I’m nervous, I develop “diarrhea of the mouth,” where the words just pour out in a steady stream with no end in sight. It’s like the filter between my brain and my mouth breaks and I end up blurting out crazy things.

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