Love and attachment are not the same things. We can be attached to something without loving it and we can love someone without being attached to them.
Love and attachment
Whether in relationships or life, we often get attached to certain people and things that lead to negative outcomes. We have a tendency to get attached to almost everything, whether it’s our perspectives, opinions, ideas, places, material possessions or our loved ones. However, almost all attachment is usually unhealthy and sometimes even toxic. And this can bring a lot of anxiety, frustration, suffering, and sorrow into our lives.
When we are in a relationship, it is important that our love for them is stronger than our attachment towards them. In fact, when it comes to romantic relationships, practicing detachment can help a relationship sustain longer than otherwise. When love is based on attachment, it makes you dependent and needy. However, when you love without attachment, you learn to love someone without any conditions and give yourself to them consciously and freely.
Love and attachment are very different. When you love without attachment, there is no room for ego, insecurity, narcissism or abuse. As long as you have set up clear boundaries, a relationship will thrive based solely on love, trust and respect and without attachment. A relationship steeped in attachment can make partners dependent on each other for self-esteem, validation, personal growth, and self-discovery. This love seems to be flawed as it is pillared by insecurities, fears, dependence, and needs.
Loving everything without being attached to anything
Most of us fail to distinguish between love and attachment. So we cannot love without dependence or attachment. The main reason for this is we are programmed to love with conditions. We want our circumstances and the people around us to adjust to our thoughts and emotions. We want people, places, and things to fill the void within us and eradicate our loneliness. We want our people and things to fix us and our lives. However, we tend to forget that only we can heal ourselves. We need to realize that no one can rescue us, help us achieve our dreams or find happiness. It is only our own responsibility, not someone else’s.
But most of us are unable to accept this notion. And that’s why we are incapable of loving without getting attached. However, it is possible to keep love and attachment separate from each other and live a satisfying, happy life. And it all begins with gratitude and mindfulness. We can only learn to love others and ourselves when we can appreciate what we have…when we can appreciate our loved ones without wanting them to do something for us… without being attached to them. But it is only by understanding that everything is impermanent and every moment is fleeting, can we truly appreciate love.
Read also: The Difference Between Love And Attachment