Unfortunately, this ‘supporting’ is really more ‘enabling’ and enabling is not good in any relationship.
If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or yells at you because of their own insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behaviors are ok. And if your partners think their behaviors are ok, they will never change.
If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either speak up about them or walk.
4) What traits you do want in a partner.
One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what it really is that you want in a partner.
Even as we hold on to bad partners, we do start to see very clearly their shortcomings and we can, therefore, get a sense of what we ideally would want if we were in charge of the world.
I had a guy who I loved but who was desperately insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was suffering.
When I finally broke free of that relationship I set out looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient and kind and steady. I was very clear about that and did ultimately find what I was seeking.
So, what do you want in a partner? Make a list. Write it down. Refer to it often.
5) That letting go is not giving up.
I can’t tell you how many of my clients who are struggling with letting go of love in bad relationships tell me that they aren’t walking away because they don’t want to give up! That they aren’t quitters.
And I always tell them the same thing – that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or that the efforts you both are making aren’t working, then it’s not a matter of giving up. You can only control your own efforts – only you can finish that marathon – but you can’t control someone else. It’s not giving up if your partner isn’t giving their all as well.
So, if you are struggling with ‘giving up,’ don’t! Know that you can let go of a love that isn’t serving you and move on with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.
6) How strong you are.
For those of us who survive bad relationships (which, pretty much, we all do in the end) we know how strong we are.
By having the fortitude to let go of a love that wasn’t serving you, you are reclaiming your own power, a power that you might have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship.
Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who might be sad, perhaps really sad, but someone who feels powerful having been able to do it.
Letting go of bad relationships is incredibly difficult – do it and you will feel stronger than you ever have before.
7 ) That being alone is better than being unhappy.
One thing that can become very clear when you are in a bad relationship is how much better it might be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable.
There is nothing worse than the day in, day out the suffering of being in a bad relationship. You wake up to it, it lives with you throughout the day and is there when you go to bed at night.
Sure, when you are alone you might spend time alone on your couch binge-watching Game of Thrones, but your time is your own. You can do what you want. And, while you might feel miserable that you are alone, I can promise you that it’s not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days struggling with bad relationships.