Is Your Mom A Karen? 7 Signs She Will “Speak To The Manager”

Does your mom want to “speak to the manager” when things don’t go her way? Does she have a certain haircut? You’ve seen the memes, the viral videos and the TikToks about the dreaded white woman who terrorizes everyone. But now it’s time to answer the real question – Is your mom a KAREN? Dun-Dun-Duuuuun!!!

Ah Yes, The KAREN!

Almost all of us have spotted a Karen in the wild at least once in our lives and the term has spread on social media like wildfire. But what does it actually mean? Although I don’t have a Ph.D on the phenomenon, the term or name refers to entitled, angry, irritating and mostly racist, middle-class, suburban white women, typically middle-aged. These obnoxious women tend to be privileged, or at least think that they are, and often force people to conform to their unrealistic whims, wishes and behaviors. They have high expectations from everyone, they believe that the world revolves around them and are demanding beyond belief. Almost all of them have a blonde “bob cut” hairstyle (as if it’s a dress code or something), use their “white privilege” liberally, love to scream and shout at people (children included), drive a van or an SUV, and especially hate skateboarders! And they always…ALWAYS… want to “speak to the manager” (God help those poor souls) at retail stores and restaurants. They just love to complain, insult and make demands… A LOT! But it is not necessary that all Karens will fit this description. Remember kids, it’s not about the hairdo, it’s about the attitude. 

They are seen as racist individuals who want to control others’ behavior. The term is a stereotype and mostly used as a negative slur to belittle someone’s unpleasant and unacceptable privilege-driven behavior. Although there is some debate and controversy surrounding the use of the term, there are a significant number of documented and well-publicized incidents that display their unsavory behavior and personality traits. However, this is definitely not a new phenomenon. It’s just that they are getting more exposure now thanks to that tiny little camera in our smartphones and of course, social media.

Related: The Aging Female Collapsed Narcissist

Are Karens Narcissists?

Yes! Duh! Obviously! All of them are! Some more, some less. Once again, I am no expert but Karens typically show the signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). From a psychological perspective, this can be identified as “narcissistic entitlement” which is characterized by “expectations of special treatment and preoccupation with defending one’s rights.” Narcissists are toxic, entitled, attention seeking, demanding, manipulative, aggressive, self-serving, histrionic, sadistic and always play the victim card. Consider this: a recent 2020 study explains that grandiose narcissism “is a personality trait marked by beliefs of personal superiority and a sense of entitlement to special treatment.” Does that sound familiar? The researchers explain that these individuals have high levels of grandiosity, try to grasp others’ attention and tend to be combative toward others. “In such instances, they are often perceived as confrontational, insulting, belittling, and intimidating,” explains the study.

They have unreasonable and unrealistic expectations about getting special treatment and that everyone should comply with their expectations. Just like a narcissist, Karens believe they always come first before others. They lack empathy and function from their own needs. Grandiose narcissists have high self-esteem, overconfidence, a sense of personal superiority and entitlement, are willing to exploit others for self-gain, and become hostile and aggressive when challenged, according to research. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a Karen to me.

Related: Identifying Covert and Grandiose Narcissists In Your Life

Mommy? Are You A Karen?

Okay, I am not implying that there is something wrong with your mother, but if she humiliates, insults and shouts at people, stomps on others’ rights and prevents them from living their lives peacefully and is a racist, then that is not acceptable behavior. Now let’s get to the real question – is your mom a Karen? 

If you keep asking yourself this question frequently, thanks to her psychotic behaviors, then here are a few tell-tale signs that you should look out for in your mom –

1. They believe in “white power”

Yes, it sounds racist but that’s who they are! The term alludes to Caucasian women who are racist and are abusive towards people of color. While they may claim that they are not racist, their passive-aggressive behavior screams of racism. Moreover, they hang out with other white women who support or encourage their Karen-ism. For them, nothing beats white privilege and this gives them power to treat “others” like they are below the Karens. This can be especially true, if the other person is black.

2. They hate everything they aren’t familiar with

And that includes people. Karens do not have an open mind towards the external world and are angry or afraid of things that are alien to them. They live safe lives and stay within their comfort zone. Hence, they are usually not world-weary. As they live inside a bubble, they are not open to the real world which makes them intolerant towards people from different ethnicities. They believe everyone should be white and if you’re not white then you have no rights (wow, that almost rhymes). So whether it is a black child playing in the neighborhood or a hispanic staff at a restaurant, the Karen will have a problem with them for no reason. 

Related: Why Narcissists Can’t Stand You Being Happy

3. They love drama

If your mom loves to display her annoyance and irritation publicly, then most likely she is a Karen. Studies show that narcissists have a strong inclination towards displaying dramatic behavior. So it makes sense that creating chaos and annoying everyone to attract attention towards themselves and belittling others are their drug of choice. Shouting at people, demanding to speak to people in charge, protesting for their “rights” (read entitlement), and acting like the victim are their favorite weapons to get that attention and feel superior.

4. They are know-it-alls

Whether they are actually well educated or illiterate, they strongly believe that they know everything about everything and they know it best which makes everyone else on this planet WRONG! They know how the system works, they know about politics, they know about the law, they about the vaccines, they know how that coupon works, they know how that food is cooked, and they know how everyone should behave and do their jobs. They Karens know everything. Welcome to KNN – The Karen News Network.

5. They always deserve the BEST cause they are entitled

If a restaurant or a store fails to provide exceptional, outstanding and beyond their call of duty service to the almighty entitled white woman, they will have to face the wrath of Karen! They want their order perfectly delivered – just the way they prefer it and they want it fast. And if, god forbid, something is even a little bit off – you know what comes next – incessant complaining, shouting, demanding and insulting. How dare they stand before the queen with such incompetence! It’s time….

Related: The Female Facade: Female Narcissists May Be Statistically Uncommon, But Highly Dangerous

6. They speak to the manager

This is why Karens wake up from sleep every single day. To speak to the manager! You’ve seen the videos. You know what I mean. The almighty Karen does not want to talk to the ignorant, incomptent staff. They are simple peasants who are beneath her. The entitled white woman deserves to talk to someone in charge! The manager or the corporate executive! Why? Because they are white and the company exists because of “their money”. I swear I am not making this up!

7. They are ALWAYS the victim

I am pretty sure “911” is their most dialled number. So if you dare to cross her path or refuse to bow down to her whims get ready for The Call! If you think speaking to the manager is the Karen Pro version, then calling the cops is the Karen Pro Plus version. They will call the authorities for absolutely anything (even when the black kid is playing on the curb and minding his own business) and make up stories and completely change the facts to appear as the victim. And unfortunately, due to racial stereotypes, she often gets the cops to believe her. This is one of the main reasons why Karens hate camera phones so much because it exposes their lies!

Yeah, we’re just tapping the tip of the iceberg here. There are many other signs that can help you to call out a Karen, even if they’re your own mother. Take a look –

• They think they are special, privileged and unique
• They are easily offended
• They are desperate for attention
• They are sexually repressed
• They always make every issue about themselves
• They tend to have an out-of-fashion bob cut hairstyle
• They claim they are always misunderstood
• They are mostly middle-aged and suburban
• They lack empathy and compassion 
• They have an arrogant behavior or attitude 
• They can come from any financial background
• They can’t take criticism or rejection
• They have to win every argument

If your mom shows most of these signs, then I am sorry to say it kid, but your mom is probably a Karen. But you already doubted that! Didn’t you? 

Related: 7 Signs of A Female Narcissist

A Karen mom is a f***ing nightmare 

Karens are ruthless, heartless (not in the literal sense) and malevolent. They will shout, scream, demand, protest and they will not stop until you do it their way. And they don’t care about anyone – not their parents or spouse and definitely not their children. However, all that violent craziness and rampaging to prove that they are right and entitled to be so can seriously affect their children. 

Living with a Karen for a mom is never easy. You are always ashamed and just to hide away from all the toxic drama. Normal daily tasks become embarrassing. Going out with her is an anxiety-fueled nightmare that soon turns into a documentary as people instantly whip out their phones and start recording your mom as soon as her Karen mode is activated in public. You become a laughing stock in your social circle. Thanks mom! When your mom’s behavior is unnerving and unpredictable it can lead to a tendency to blame, criticize and hate yourself. The fact is children with narcissistic parents tend to be insecure, have traumatic stress, anxiety and even depression. It can affect a child’s self-esteem, confidence, sense of self worth and ability to socialize.

But as you grow through it, you become sanitized (yup, that’s a COVID-19 reference right there!) to all the drama and toxicity that your entitled mom can’t live without. But the best thing that comes out of all the shouting, screaming, embarrassment and trauma is that you learn how NOT to behave with people. You learn that you should care about others, not just yourself. You realize that your unreasonable wishes and demands are not more important than the reasonable needs of others. You understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you. That you’re NOT entitled, no one is. You learn to take “no” for an answer, accept rejection and criticism, learn to be empathetic and compassionate and take steps so that you don’t grow up to be like your mom – a Karen!

Related: 7 Things I Learned From Being Raised By A Narcissistic Mother

DON’T release the Kraken… I mean the Karen!

Jokes aside, being with a mom who is a Karen can be a horrible experience and can scar you psychologically and emotionally. But just because someone is a Karen does not mean that they are evil people. It simply means that they have certain thoughts, beliefs and personality traits that need to be changed so that they behave in a more socially acceptable manner. If we believe that Karens have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), then therapy can actually help them to change their thought and behavior patterns. Studies have found that treatment can be effective in managing narcissistic behavior. “Psychoanalysis of narcissistic disorders can lead to significant therapeutic gains,” explain researchers. However, getting your narcissistic mom to attend therapy can be a challenge in itself as they don’t think anything is wrong with them. 

So if you want to cope with a Karen mom, here are few hacks you can try out –

• Talk to her openly about your concerns
• Set healthy boundaries
• Limit your exposure or contact with your mother
• Don’t let her influence you
• Prioritize your needs and yourself
• Remain calm and respond smartly in chaotic situations
• Don’t try to change, heal or fix her
• Be empathetic towards her
• Don’t take her behavior personally
• Talk to another family member or relative about her behavior
• Encourage her to seek therapy
• Talk to a therapist for your issues

Related: Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers: 7 Ways They Grow Differently

Call the therapist, not the manager

Growing up with a Karen mom can significantly screw your own mindset and personality. It can affect how you relate with your mom, connect with others and see yourself (cue for low self-esteem). To overcome the confusion, embarrassment and trauma of her drama-infused chaotic life, learn to detach yourself from her, build your individual identity and definitely seek therapy, if needed.

P.s. Don’t let your mom read this though. I don’t want her to speak to my manager!