What You Need To Realize Before you Choose A Life Partner
Love. It’s the most beautiful feeling ever. But finding someone who will love you for who you are and someone who you can love for who they are can be exceptionally challenging, to say the least.
“Be with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.” – Anonymous
Being with the right partner is crucial for a healthy and lasting relationship and a happy life. It is a high stake decision that requires time, effort, patience and a strong understanding of what you from your romantic partner. But with 7.7 billion people walking on the earth, finding the right life partner can be a daunting task.
Although the whole idea of being in love with the right person may sound very romantic, actually choosing a partner can be rather confusing. Should you follow the old tried-and-tested approaches? Should you trust your instincts? Should you be stupid in love and blindly follow romantic tropes depicted in Hollywood movies? Or should you trust your brain to choose a partner wisely?
How can you choose the right partner and build a lasting relationship?
How do you choose who you love?
“Find a partner who can bear all your weak points and still not use them against you.” – Tshepo Koos Maluleke
Romance novels and movies would have us believe that destiny and our instincts will show us the way to our ‘soulmate’. We will meet a loving person who will understand us, heal our heart and soul, and support us in our journey of life. But most of us know, ‘real’ relationships are rarely like that.
Of course, our partners may love and support us, but in the real world, relationships are riddled with complications, compromises, compatibility issues and sometimes ego. So how true is the idea that our instincts will guide us to the love we deserve?
Although I am not someone to deny the power of instincts and destiny, I do believe finding true love takes a lot more than that. True love is an instinct. We often feel romantic attraction to people who make us feel better about ourselves, people who make us happy, people who help us grow and evolve into someone we could have never imagined. We fall in love with someone who has a positive and romantic vibe. Someone who takes care of us. Someone who is kind and warm. However, instincts can often lead to a catastrophe.
What begins as a loving, caring relationship can often lead to complacency at best, and abuse at worst. Love can make us blind as we tend to ignore all the flaws of the person we are attracted to during the initial days of courtship. As the relationship progresses and the blind attraction wanes, those negligible ‘flaws’ turn into serious deal breakers.
Looking for the right person
“She always thought she needed someone to love when all she really needed to do was love the world and let love find her in its time and in its way.” – Kate McGahan
Can instincts of love be a better determinant of choosing the right life partner than age old traditions of arranged marriage? Can we become absolutely confident that our heart will guide us to a happy and lasting relationship?
Instincts are important. I agree. But taking important life decisions based solely on instincts can cost you dearly. Yes, relationships are hard work. No relationship is perfect. No one is perfect.
But what happens when you meet the person of your dreams after you get married to the person you were blindly attracted to initially? Would you think you should have waited a bit longer before making such a lifelong commitment? Should you have looked harder for that ‘right person’?
This is what the main problem is with the entire concept of ‘soulmate’. It gives us false hope. It tempts us. It makes us search for that elusive person with more determination than necessary.
Understand yourself to know what you want
We give the idea of a ‘soulmate’ more attention than it deserves. What does deserve our attention is the power of our mind to analyze and judge someone based on their behavior and personality.