Why Falling In Love Is So Scary When You’re A Strong Woman

Why Falling In Love Is So Difficult When You’re A Strong Woman

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It’s tough.

Too often, people confuse “strong women” with “man-haters who would rather grow old with a bunch of cats than get married.”

While it’s true that many independent ladies find more happiness within themselves as opposed to in a relationship, it doesn’t mean we don’t want to find love.  

I consider myself somewhat of a strong woman (internally, externally I can only lift about seven pounds), and I’ve been in some rewarding, fulfilling relationships. But they all abruptly end after I get this overwhelming sense of needing to get back in touch with myself.

I don’t have all the answers, but what I think it boils down to is conflicting feelings of wanting to find love, but not wanting to compromise my values.

While I can’t speak for all my independent sistas, my personal experience has been slightly depressing. I get excited when I find a guy who I’m not only attracted to but also have some level of respect for based on the few things I’ve seen (holding the door open for people, chasing his dreams, calling his mom, etc).

Then I make the mistake of confusing those few moments of glory for their entire personality.

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Why Falling In Love Is So difficult When You're A Strong Woman
Why Falling In Love Is So Scary When You’re A Strong Woman


I get attached to the person I thought they were and am disappointed when I learn that it’s only a small piece they used to lure me in. 

The guy who just last week was pouring his heart out about how much he loves meeting new people are now refusing to talk to strangers at a party

I get that people are people and no one is perfect all the time, but if you’re not up for being an equal partner to a strong woman then why are you trying to be?


Falling in love is scary in general. But it’s uniquely terrifying for a woman who understands how serious it really is to invest time in someone. 

We’re grown. We’re past the point of “dating for fun” (seriously what’s fun about dating people you don’t really like??).

We don’t want to take the time to get to know someone romantically if they’re not ready to live up to the same standards we do.

The real fear isn’t ending up alone; it’s ending up with the wrong person. 

Written by Emily Blackwood
This article has been republished from YourTango.com, click here to view the original copy.


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Why Falling In Love Is So Scary When You're A Strong Woman

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  1. you reach a certain point in your life when you know who you are and what you want, and you just know you must go get it. Settling, the kibd that compromises values, ceases to be an option.

    Nothing is wrong with strong indrpendent women in heteroswxual relationships. It’s men that need to step up. But let’s also not confuse what is interpersonal with what is gender related in heterosexual relatipnships. It’s perfectly normal and healthy for some woman, who also happens to be strong and independent, to cry over her male partner’s shoulders, or to mourn him and the relationship if it ends. Being a strong and independent woman does not mean i don’t need men. It means i do not need men gender-wise, not person/human-wise.

  2. I am a strong woman and I have to ask my sisters, “what is love?” Dating, meeting people today is near impossible. Add to that most of us, myself included have a list of what we would like in a partner and what we won’t put up with. I will not settle because I know that I am here for a purpose and it’s not to take care of a manchild.

  3. Being a strong man who has been married to a strong feminist woman for 40 years, it’s all about compromise on both of our parts. And still being best friends. And giving each other space when we want it and hugs when we need them. And being equals in life. I’m a lucky guy. And my wife is allergic to cats. Hmmm? Meow.

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