She worked out things around her pride…
She was able to master the games of her ego…
The more she did that, the better she could listen to her guts and the clearer her vision grew
It exposed her but she didn’t care… because with the scars her beauty shined on
She learnt to talk and not suppress
She learnt to dance and not cry
She learnt to smile and not scream
She learnt to learn…
She was able to express and make things happen for herself and those around her
She took the blows of life with passion and comprehended the ways of life like a monk
She could breathe finally without depression caving in not anxiety taking over….
She was consciously content…
He made way to her
He was preoccupied, self entered and too nice everybody wanted a piece of his life
He was shaken and scared,
He was shy and obscene
He was weak and concealing it
She took him in and saw right through him
She wanted to be there… she was there!
She was happy… and sad ….
She was strong… and mad …
But most of all she was true to him!
He panicked, he vanished, he freaked out on her…
And he came back again… and again… and again
And she always took him in… until one day she couldn’t even see his back
She was shaken and beaten
She was in awe from the pace of his changing
She doubted her guts and that agonised her
She couldn’t go back to where it was confusing and blurry
She couldn’t just be another lost soul
She knew she had all the answers within and in that she must always trust
She believed that the more she believed the more it becomes
She wanted to keep her faith in this new liberating religion… her gut!
She kept crawling in her head through all the bits and pieces of his words and actions
She had to find proof to the truth she already knew…
She couldn’t accept that her feelings failed her
She knew he wasn’t for her and there is no need to wait for his return
But she wouldn’t settle for being emotionally imprudent
She wanted to stay sure of what she is sure of
It was the only way for her to let go
And the only way for her to move on and stay strong with all her mighty wistfulness and passion for life
And one day she was sure again…
After all those nights she related to his pain
After all the hours she stayed awake
After all those serendipities of bumping into his friends
After all the times his name comes up in irrelevant conversations by unusual people
And after being in same places and never meeting him!!!
The world worked itself around… and she now knows what she was once just sure of
She knew he felt what she felt, even for once
She knew she was not delusional, all the way
She knew there is more to it than his pathological tricks and lies
She knew he was scared her care would take him over
She knew he was ashamed she could see through him
She knew he was puzzled by her strength and that was okay
She knew he was not ready to be the man he saw she deserves
And he was not ready to do the work and lacked the energy to fight his ego for what his-self is worth
She chose consciously and so did he so naively unconsciously …
She smiled as her eyes teared up…
And she embraced herself gracefully
She was grateful she has got herself and herself got her back!
#lia
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