You stare at your phone, your finger hovering over the keyboard. That familiar name is right there, just one tap away. A hundred thoughts race through your mind—Should I text them? What if they don’t reply? What if they do?
There are things to do before texting your ex—things that can save you from regret, awkward conversations, or reopening old wounds. Because this isn’t just about sending a message. It’s about opening a door that might be better left closed.
Maybe you’re feeling nostalgic. Maybe you just want to know how they’re doing. Or maybe you’re hoping for something more, even if you won’t admit it. Whatever the reason, take a deep breath. This isn’t a decision to make on impulse.
Before you dive back into familiar (and possibly messy) waters, take a step back. Think it through. Here are five things to do before texting your ex—because sometimes, the best message is the one you don’t send.
5 Things to Do Before Texting Your Ex
Ask Yourself: Why Do I Want to Text Them?
You feel the urge creeping in—the need to reach out, to send that text. But before you do, ask yourself: Why? Are you feeling lonely? Bored? Nostalgic? Do you actually miss them, or just the comfort of what you once had? One of the most important things to do before texting your ex is to identify the emotion behind your urge. Because sometimes, what we think is love or closure is actually just habit or temporary sadness.
Take a moment. Name the feeling. If you’re angry, are you hoping to prove a point? If you’re sad, are you searching for comfort? If you’re feeling guilty, are you just trying to ease your own conscience? Understanding your motivation can help you decide if texting your ex is truly the right move—or just a reaction to a fleeting emotion.
Read More: 7 Stages Of Grieving A Breakup And Finally Letting Go
Challenge the Urge by Doing the Opposite
Once you know why you want to reach out, do something that completely disrupts that pattern. If your heart is telling you to text them, your brain might need to tell you no. Instead of leaning into the impulse, lean away from it. Feeling lonely? Call a friend instead. Feeling nostalgic? Watch a movie that has nothing to do with them. Feeling sad? Go for a run, journal, or listen to music that lifts your mood instead of sinking you deeper into memories.
When it comes to contacting an ex after a breakup, acting on impulse rarely leads to the outcome you hope for. The best way to gain clarity is to step back, not dive in.
Are Your Thoughts Playing Tricks on You?
The mind has a funny way of rewriting history, especially after a breakup. Maybe you’re only remembering the good times—late-night talks, inside jokes, the way they looked at you when they really saw you. But are you forgetting the fights? The miscommunications? The reasons you broke up in the first place?
Before texting your ex, take a hard look at your thoughts. Are they based on reality, or just selective memories? Are you remembering the whole relationship or just the highlights? One of the most valuable things to do before texting your ex is to remind yourself why you’re here, in this moment, without them. If the breakup was painful, chances are reopening that door won’t bring peace—it’ll just stir up old wounds.
Read More: When You Regret Texting Your Ex: Here’s What You Should Do
Weigh the Pros and Cons—On Paper
It’s easy to justify a decision in the heat of the moment, but seeing it in writing makes it real. Grab a piece of paper and split it in half. On one side, list all the possible positives of contacting an ex after a breakup. Maybe you’ll get closure. Maybe you’ll rekindle something. Maybe you’ll finally get an answer to a question that’s been haunting you.
Now, list the negatives. What if they don’t respond? What if they do, but they’ve moved on? What if it reopens a wound you just started to heal? What if it pulls you back into a cycle you worked hard to break?
Seeing it laid out in front of you forces you to look at the situation with logic, not just emotion. More often than not, the cons outweigh the pros.
Soothe Yourself Before You Make a Move
If the urge to text them is still strong, take a step back and ground yourself. One of the most effective things to do before texting your ex is to engage all five senses—bring yourself back into the present instead of getting lost in the past.
- Sight: Go outside and take in the world around you. Watch the sky change colors. Observe people passing by.
- Sound: Listen to music that makes you feel empowered, not emotional. White noise, nature sounds, or your favorite podcast can help, too.
- Touch: Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket, take a hot shower, or stretch your body to release tension.
- Taste: Make yourself a warm cup of tea, eat something nourishing, or try a new flavor that wakes up your senses.
- Smell: Light a candle, use essential oils, or step outside and take a deep breath of fresh air.
By calming yourself first, you may find that the urge to reach out fades on its own. And if it doesn’t? At least you’ll be making the decision from a clear, centered place—not from a whirlwind of emotions.
The Bottom Line
Breakups leave behind echoes, and sometimes those echoes make us want to reach back into the past. But not every feeling needs a response, and not every urge needs to be acted on. The real question isn’t should you text your ex—it’s why do you want to? And once you have that answer, you might realize that the best response is silence.
Read More: Stop Texting Your Ex ‘Happy Birthday’ – Here Are 5 Reasons Why!
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