4 Tips To Deal With Marital Boredom


4 Tips To Deal With Marital Boredom

Are you worried about a boring marriage? Thinking how to avoid marital boredom?

The bad news is that there will always be things about your partner that displease you. And if you’re like most people, you have a belief (call it a fantasy) that if you were with someone else rather than him, someone more interesting, exciting, imaginative, passionate, creative, etc., you would be happier.

Not likely.

If you had really wanted more adventure and stimulation in your life rather than the predictability that your partner brings you, you would have set your sights on that kind of a person.

You didn’t and my guess is that you didn’t make a mistake in your choice of a partner. You, like most of us, chose the kind of person that would fulfill certain needs in your life, some conscious, some not so conscious, and no one, (except our fantasy lover) can fulfill all of our needs.

The good news is that you have the ability to change the quality of your experience with your partner even if he never becomes another Indiana Jones. The solution is two-fold.

Related: Signs You’re in a Loveless Marriage (And How to Cope with It)

Four Tips For Dealing With Marital Boredom

1. Stop dwelling on what you don’t like about him

and start focusing on what it is that you love and appreciate about him, particularly those qualities that you initially found attractive and those that make your life easier and more comfortable than it would have been without him. Don’t keep your appreciation to yourself, share it with him. Don’t let a day pass without speaking your gratitude to him. Don’t be surprised if your words of acknowledgment don’t actually seem to change the way he is or at least the way that you see and feel about him.

Related: Happily Married Men Reveal 21 Secrets For A Happy Marriage

2. If we can’t change a situation, then we are challenged to change the way we think about and respond to it.

Sometimes boredom can result from repressed anger and resentment that hasn’t been acknowledged and expressed. When we move from the disempowered position of wishing and hoping that the other person would change, and take responsibility for how we deal with the reality in front of us, we can look inside to see if there are some truths that are waiting to be spoken that could bring more vitality into a flat relationship.

Related: The 11 Fights Every Couple Must Conquer to Have a Strong Marriage

3. Boredom can be a manifestation of not paying close attention.

If we check to see if we might have taken a snapshot of our partner and put in it the photo album years ago, we might find that we are still gazing at the same old page. We have the option of looking through fresher eyes to see if our partner has made any changes at all and to not only acknowledge those to ourselves but also to speak some words of appreciation and gratitude to our partner, recognizing their growth and development.

4. And last, but certainly not least: people who are bored are often bored with their own lives.

Are there unfulfilled dreams that you haven’t tried to realize? Are you making excuses for what you don’t have in your life rather than going after it? What actions have you been unwilling to take that could possibly lead to a higher level of excitement or passion in your life?

Quit boring yourself with your complaints and get out there and start taking some risks in life. Get clear about the things that you want to do before you die and start doing them, rather than complaining about your partner or making excuses as to why you can’t do what you really want to do.

It’s just possible that if you do some or all these things your relationship and your life in general will become less boring and more exhilarating. It might also become more challenging and stimulating.

Related video:

But who knows? You might get to enjoy living on the edge. And when your partner sees how much fun you’re having, he might decide to come along and join you.

How did you deal with marital boredom? Let us know in comments.

Written by Linda and Charlie Bloom
Originally appeared in Psychology today

4 Tips To Deal With Marital Boredom

— Share —

— About the Author —

Linda and Charlie Bloom
Up Next

5 Fun Things To Do in 2023 to Keep Your Marriage Strong

Fun Things To Do to Keep Your Marriage Strong

Have you been married for a while and are finding things to do to keep your marriage strong? Here are 5 activities to strengthen your marriage and keep the spark alive in 2023!

Ok, it’s the new year and, if you are married, are you perhaps looking for fun things to do in 2023 to keep your marriage strong?

We go into marriage hoping that it will last forever but on our wedding day we aren’t given an instruction manual – a guidebook to help us navigate marriage and all its challenges.

As a result, many marriages die a slow death, often unnoticed by spouses until it’s too late!

I was married for 20 years and am now divorced and, in retrospect, it is quite clear to me how, because I left my marriage untended, it ultimately,

Up Next

Appreciate Your Partner: 65 Romantic Ideas To Make Your Partner Feel Special On A Daily Basis

Small ways appreciate your partner in life

Do you take your partner for granted? Or do you actively take the effort to make them feel appreciated on a daily basis. Relationships need constant nurturing and this is why you need to appreciate your partner in simple daily moments, when they least expect it. Because love is in the little things.

Most of us often make the mistake of taking our partner for granted as life keeps pulling us in different directions. With our goals, responsibilities, career prospects and family obligations, we often forget to appreciate what matters the most - our relationships.

This is why, appreciating your partner is a crucial step towards building a happy relationship. Instead of making grand romantic gestures to appreciate your spouse, yo

Up Next

How To Deal With The Baggage In Your Relationship: The One Best Way

How Deal With Baggage In Your Relationship

Dealing with baggage in your relationship is one of the best things you can do for yourself and for your partner. Working on healing your emotional wounds instead of expecting your partner to carry them forever can be really healthy and empowering.

I love musicals, and one line that I used to love was from RENT: “I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.” I always found this tender admission to be somewhat romantic, a clever metaphor for compatibility in a relationship, but now I think it’s nonsense.

I mean, have you ever gone traveling and you’re standing at the baggage claim and you see someone grab a suitcase, struggle to pull it off the carousel, look at the nametag, and then realize it’s not theirs? And then they get flustered and embarrassed and quickly and awkwardly put the suitcase back on the carousel and h

Up Next

5 Reasons Why Your Married Man Always Breaks His Promises

Why Your Married Man Always Breaks His Promises

Trust is considered fragile, once lost can be difficult to be found. Especially when he always breaks his promises. Here's why he does it. Below are things you need to keep in mind when having an affair with a married man.

Are you having an affair and struggling because your married man always break his promises?

Are you sure that he is your soulmate and that you are meant to be together forever but are you not understanding why he never keeps a promise that he makes?

Why does he tell you he loves you out of one side of his mouth and then lie to with the other? How could someone who loves you do that?  How could you spend the rest of your life with someone you can’t trust?

I totally get it and have been there. In retrospect, I know exact

Up Next

5 Things Men Look For In Someone Who is Marriage Material

Things Men Look Someone Who Marriage Material

Finding "the one" is an important choice that men make in their lives. They give it considerable thought. Are you marriage material? Here's how to find out. Below are five things that men look for in a wife, check them out!

I know that, for many women, knowing what men look for in someone who is marriage material is confounding.

We hear stories all the time about men who are in long term relationships with someone they aren’t ready to marry. And then they break up and he marries the next woman who comes along.

What is up with that?

We all know exactly what wom