The day is going to hit you when you realize sheโs no longer a choice you get to make because she finally chose someone who chose her.
Youโll cross paths and she wonโt notice you because sheโs staring at someone else laughing harder than youโve ever seen her.
Sheโll look and sound familiar but as you look a little more closely youโll realize how much has changed about her.
What changed was the way she looked at you. She used to look at you with eyes of admiration but instead she started to look at herself that way. The way she used to build you up and admire you, you realize someone you thought wasnโt confident and needed you doesnโt anymore.
Youโll realize she looks a little prettier that far away even if sheโs close. Thereโs something about someone you canโt have.
Itโs going to be then you realize what it is you miss about her.
Every conversation whereย she talked about you.
Every text you knew with certainty would be answered a little too fast.
Every text you used to ignore and voicemails you hated that she left.
Youโll find yourself looking at pictures you didnโt want to take in the first place but she insisted you do so. You never knew looking back at those moments and memories would hurt so much.
Youโll miss the little details she filled you in on and how you really were a key player in her life.
You miss the messages that popped up when she saw something and thought of you.
Conversations of just wanting to know how you were doing.
How youโd part ways and sheโd always say I love you, get home safely with a kiss on the cheek as she took off.
Those moments of missing her will hit you as you realize there arenโt a lot of people like her who genuinely care. And maybe it was annoying sometimes but there wasnโt anyone with better intentions. There isnโt anyone who wouldnโt do anything you ask.
You realize what you thought was desperation was really caring.
You realize what really seemed like she lacked confidence was her giving toย someone who didnโt appreciate it.
You realize every time you thought she was different thatโs what made her so special.
Youโll regret the fact you never told her all these things or appreciated her or thanked her.
You miss someone who never stopped trying with you. Until she had to because even after all her effort, she learned it wasnโt that she wasnโt enough it was that you werenโt.
Itโs the nights youโll stay awake and you remember when you used to text her and even at odd hours sheโd always make the time to talk to you.
All those times you canceled and all she responded with was okay see you soon.
All those times you used her and she let you not because she was weak but she knew that reflected you and not her.
Youโll miss the words she said so carelessly telling you exactly how she felt and the actions that matched it.
Youโll miss this person who was always on your side wanting what was best for you. What she learned over time was it would never be her.
You think back to how much time and emotion and energy she invested into you and all you left her with was uncertainty and doubt.
Her absence and her silence will make you realize how much you must have hurt her.ย You look at your phone and you want to text herย and ask how she is but you canโt even figure out how to say hello.
And it isnโt like you did anything wrong. But you didnโt do anything right either to make her stay.
Thatโs the thing about good people they stay for as long as they can believing in you. But you canโt keep them waiting forever. She walked away because she had to. Because she couldnโt keep trying and caring and putting herself out there only to get hurt.
She didnโt want to be wrong about you. And she hated that she was because she thought you were different.
She realizes she couldnโt be the only one trying here.
Youโll each move on and youโll watch as she does. Maybe itโs across a newsfeed or snaps story. Maybe youโll know she moved on because it almost feels like sheโs vanished in a way. Not even caring to advertise her new relationship because itโs one sheโs keeping for herself.
You wonder whatโs going on but you canโt even find the words to ask.
Sheโll meet someone who doesnโt have to lose her to realize she was someone of value and someone who deserved love and attention.
Youโll see her out and sheโll look at you smiling maybe even hug you like she used to. But everything about it will feel awkward because there is going to be a moment you two lock eyes and a realize it wasnโt supposed to end this way.ย
Written By Kirsten Corley
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