Conflicts and issues are common in every relationship. It’s better to let go of small spats and quirks in your relationship. If you are trying to fix every problem in relationship, then here are reasons why you need not.
One day, while her husband was at work, Jai did the thing many a wife dreads most in her marriage: She crashed both their cars at the same time.
As she pulled the minivan out of the garage, Jai heard the dooming yet familiar crunch we all know from the movies — except this was her life, and yes, the convertible definitely took a hit, as did the van.
Imagine the cartoon episode of a day that follows: Jai paces around the living room. She bites her nails. “What do I tell him?” Jai hides the cars in the garage. She conceals the damage. And then, she plans to do what any good partner eventually learns: Make a bitter truth land softly.
When her husband gets home, Jai butters him up good. She puts on calm music. She asks him about his day. She makes his favorite meal. Eventually, however, the moment of truth arrives: “I hit one car with the other.”
That’s where the magic begins — but in this case, the wizard is Jai’s husband:
I asked her how it happened. I had her describe the damage. She said the convertible got the worst of it, but both cars were running fine.
“Want to go in the garage and look at them?” she asked. “No,” I said. “Let’s just finish dinner.” She was surprised. I wasn’t angry. I hardly seemed concerned.
After dinner, we looked at the cars. I just shrugged, and I could see that for Jai, an entire day’s worth of anxiety was just melting away.
The name of Jai’s husband is Randy — Randy Pausch — and though already powerful on their own, the following words will hit different once I tell you that, at just 47 years old, Randy died of pancreatic cancer:
“For Jai and me, our dented cars became a statement in our marriage: Not everything needs to be fixed.”
There are four good reasons to let go of small spats, problems, and quirks in your relationship.
1. It’ll Make Your Life A Lot Easier.
For example, if my girlfriend zones out when I tell her a story, I could berate her about listening more closely and complain about my hurt feelings — or, I can just let it go. Maybe, she’s tired. Maybe, my story was boring.
So far, she has never forgotten anything important, and that makes this tiny detail not worth the worry, especially when life offers so much to fret about that actually matters: My health, my career, my finances, my happiness — and I haven’t even gotten to the parts that involve other people. Dedicate your problem-solving energy to the issues that really deserve it rather than a petty problem in relationship.
2. It’ll Make Living Together A Lot Easier.
For every habit, you think is annoying in your partner, you too have one that irks them. You must realize this. There is no better, just different. Letting go is always a mutual act.
For example, it’s not that my girlfriend never listens, it’s that half the time, I ramble. When I let go of her distraction, she’ll let go of my irrelevant rants. Whatever irritates you in your partner, consider that your doing the opposite might irritate them just as much.
3. You Might Actually Grow To Like Your Partner’s Traits
When you see past your partner’s quirks, you might actually grow to like the traits they originated from so don’t try to fix any problem in relationship due to those traits.
My girlfriend is the most forgiving, non-vindictive person I know. She never dishes out old mistakes to make new points. I love that. Whatever we discuss, we discuss it based on what we know today. That’s worth so much more than remembering every detail.