Why We See The Worst In Other People

Why do we always focus on the worst in other while we see none in ourselves?ย 

Growing up in the South, my Father introduced me to hunting at a young age. We would go out to our family farm every year during deer season. While in the deer blind early in the cold morning my Dad would say, โ€œKeep your eyes out and look for anything that moves.โ€

If I just stared blankly out at the treetops and tree limbs, I probably wouldnโ€™t notice anything. Since none of the trees had leaves on them, brown deer blend in with brown trees and dirt.

But if Iย focusedย my attention to look for movement, nine times out of ten I would find movement. Often it was a squirrel or other small critter, but sometimes it was a deer. That was always a good day.

Why am I sharing this nostalgic childhood story with you? Glad you asked.

You see, what I learned on those hunting trips is that:

What you focus on is what you see.

And the same goes in our relationships.

It seems to be human nature to gravitate toward the negative. Negativity is infectious. One bad apple ruins the whole bunch as they say. We like to hunt for whatโ€™s wrong. When we look in the mirror, weโ€™re never looking for what looks right, weโ€™re looking for whatโ€™s out of place! Wrinkle in the shirt, pimple on the forehead, makeup smearedโ€ฆyou get the picture.

But what if weย alteredย our outlook? What if when we looked in the mirror, we looked at all that was good and right?

Positivity is actually MORE infectious and more motivating than negativity. Negativity just comes easy; positivity takes work.

Read 4 Ways To Cope With Negative Emotions

Itโ€™s easy to see whatโ€™s wrong in other people. Maybe itโ€™s the way someone talks or someoneโ€™s bad attitude or maybe someone just thinks different than youโ€ฆand you donโ€™t like that! (been there, done that)

But the truth is if we canย chooseย to see the good in people, weโ€™ll have much healthier, happier relationships.

Why? Becauseย what you focus on is what you see.

If you focus on whatโ€™s good about a person instead of all the bad (no matter how much โ€œbadโ€ there is), youโ€™ll begin to appreciate them for who they are and how they were made.

Quick exercise: Close your eyes and focus on a color, letโ€™s say red. Now open your eyes and look for whatโ€™s red. See what happened? You began to see all the red around you, even where you might not usually notice it! Thatโ€™s becauseย what you focus on is what you see.

One of my best friends couldnโ€™t be more opposite than me: Iโ€™m calculated, heโ€™s spontaneous; Iโ€™d rather ask for permission than forgiveness, he wouldnโ€™t. And for awhile, this drove me absolutely CRAZY. But with some help from my wife and many prayers, I realized that he was just wired differently than me and I needed to appreciate our differences and see the good in him.

And you know what?ย It changed everything! I really began to appreciate him and value his ideas and thinking. And you can do the same.

The great, ancient poet,ย Qui-Gon Jinnย says,โ€œYour focus determines your reality.โ€

So, who in your life has been rubbing you the wrong way (โ€œsandpaper peopleโ€) that you need to extend a bit more grace to? Who needs you to focus on the good in them? If weโ€™re honest, sometimes it can be our spouses. But be real with yourself and donโ€™t ignore the issue.

Read Stay Away From These 3 Types Of Complainers Because They Spread Negativity

And most of the time the issue isย you.

I know, I know some of you are thinking, โ€œYa, but you donโ€™t know this person or you donโ€™t know what theyโ€™ve done to me!โ€ Youโ€™re right. I donโ€™t. And Iโ€™m not going to try and defend every person and every circumstance. But the only person we can change is ourselves.


Written by DEREK HARVEY
Originally appeared in Derek Harvey

why we see the worst in people pin

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Am I Motivating Myself or Just Pushing Myself?

Motivation Myself or Pushing Myself Redefining

Am I truly motivating myself or just pushing too hard? Andrea asks a reflecting question if itโ€™s inspiration or unrelenting pressure. Let’s find out more about it!

Personal Perspective: The bracelet is inscribed โ€œKeep Going.โ€ Can I?

Motivating Myself Or Pushing Myself?

This bracelet inscribed โ€œKeep Goingโ€ was originally meant to inspire me because last year was a t

Up Next

Things People Learn Too Late In Life: 7 Eye-Opening Life Lessons

Things People Learn Too Late in Life Eye Opening Life Lessons

Life is full of unexpected events and sometimes there are things people learn too late. Though some lessons come with age and experience, as time goes by, we often wish we had known some important truths sooner.

These moments of truth can be very shocking as well as transformative, they help us live authentically, appreciate what truly matters, and make the most of our time. Below are seven crucial life lessons people learn too late and can still change the way they approach life.

7 Things People Learn Too Late In

Up Next

Anger and Emotions: What’s Really Setting Us Off?

Anger and Emotion Whats Really Setting Us Off

Ever wonder whatโ€™s really fueling your anger and emotions? Discover how a mindful approach can help you regain inner peace in your life!

Taking a mindful approach to exploring why we are angry.

Key points

Anger is a secondary emotion.

Anger is a warning sign that lets us know there is an issue to address.

Knowing what we are feeling will help us to address the source of our anger.

Anger can hit us when we least expect it. There are some people who get angry and not know what they are angry about. The

Up Next

How I Hacked My Personality: Steps To Be The Better Version Of Myself

How I Hacked My Personality

Can we truly reshape our personalities for lasting change? Discover Dr. Shannon Sauer-Zavala’s article “How I hacked my personality” and learn how small shifts in mindset and behavior can lead to meaningful transformation in your life.

A Personal Perspective: Science-backed strategies for intentional trait change.

Key points

Research suggests that personality changes over time.

We can speed up personality change by taking intentional action.

Changes that are reinforced by the environment are easier to maintain.

Up Next

Women Empowerment: The Rebecca Effect in “Ted Lasso”

Rebecca Effect In Ted Lasso Women Empowerment

Can women turn negative experiences into empowerment? Discover the โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ from Ted Lasso and transform your personal trials into powerful self-acceptance!

Personal Perspective: Empowering women to transform shame and betrayal.

Key points

“Ted Lasso” inspired with imperfect, endearing characters whose trials and transformations mirrored our own.

The โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ is the empowerment and transformation possible when we have been oppressed or shamed.

The “Rebecca Effect” is the process through which women embrace themselves in totality.

Up Next

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

Ever wondered why we shed emotional tears? Tears serve a healing purpose. Explore how it plays an important role for our well-being.

Emotional tears are an expression of our shared humanity.

Emotional tears, expressed by children, teens, and adults, are a universal experience observed across the globe. Emotional tears play a healing role, leading to our emotional and physical well-being. This post explores the value of emotional tears and the importance of presence and support from family and friends during unexpected

Read More Here: โ€œWhy Am I Always On The Verg

Up Next

10 Important Weekly Reflection Questions You Need To Ask Yourself

If you feel stuck and want to keep track of your goals every week, then weekly reflection questions can really help you. Weekly reflection questions can help you check in with yourself and make sure youโ€™re headed in the right direction. These are the questions you need to ask yourself every week to keep growing and moving forward.

Have you ever had a week with so much going on that you end the week feeling overwhelmed and exhausted? I know I have been there. Sometimes, the week goes by so fast that itโ€™s over before I know it, and there is no time left to process it.

A weekly reflection can help evaluate if what you are doing is working. It fosters self-growth. So, pull out that weekly reflection journal and answer the weekly reflection prompts below.