The truth is we aren’t.
I could tell you we feel things deeper. We care more. We are more sensitive and understanding and compassionate because the only thing worse than overcoming others is overcoming your own demons.
But the honest truth is people with depression aren’t the best ones to fall in love with.
We aren’t easy to deal with.
We are complicated and don’t even understand ourselves sometimes.
And there are days where we are completely intolerable and irrational and filled with such negativity it will drain you.
The honest truth is there are a million healthier, less stressful people you could fall for.
Because the reality of falling in love with someone who has depression comes with entering a world and a topic you probably don’t know much about. But in time, you’ll learn first hand how depression affects someone.
There is nothing glamorized about the nights we fall apart and are a complete basket case and there’s going to be nothing you can do to fix it. And before your eyes, it’s not this person you might have fallen in love with. Everything about us looks the same but it’s like a switch went off and you’re trying to bring us back but all you can do is watch in horror like we’ve transformed into some kind of monster.
There is nothing lovely about those days where our head takes us to a really dark place and we become a version of ourselves we don’t recognize. Or those times we haven’t eaten or showered or left the house in days and you want to help but you feel helpless too.
There’s a sadness to watching the person you love in public put on such an act and you watch because you know how good they are at fooling everyone. There’s a sadness to watching someone you love, make others and yourself so happy and you just want them to bring as much joy to themselves.
There’s a sadness to this person who doesn’t see themselves the way the rest of the world does and no matter how much you try and build them up they knock themselves down.
There’s heartbreak to holding the person you love as they cry and they wonder why you love them. And they tell you to leave. They tell you can do better than someone who cannot control this mental illness that they blame themselves for. But you know it’s not their fault. You know when they push you away is when they need you most.
To understand depression and loving someone with it means to understand they’ll say one thing and mean the other.
To love someone with depression is understanding a simple trigger will bring them to a very dark place they don’t wish to go to but can’t control.
Understanding depression and loving someone is understanding a “bad day,” it’s just something they feel inside regardless of what is going on with them.
It’s knowing to not at the question “why are depressed?” Because we don’t have an answer.
It just comes in unwanted waves one after another drowning us in our own deep thoughts and we don’t want to reach for you to save us. We don’t want to seem like a burden. We don’t want you to feel obligated to be here out of guilt. Because we feel guilty enough for putting you through this. And that’s why people with depression are hardest to love.
Loving someone with depression is the anticipation of those days. You’re always waiting for this thing to ruin your best day. It stays hidden lurking in the shadows.
When you love someone with depression you want to help. You hold them in the late hours of the night when they are crying. You tell them to go back to sleep when it’s two am and they are awake.