When a narcissist tells you you’re hard to love what they are really saying is they are the ones incapable of loving you the way you deserve.
When a narcissist tells you, you’re remembering something in the past incorrectly what they are really saying is they don’t want to believe a truth that makes them look bad.
When a narcissist points out your flaws realize they’d rather pick you apart than realize they aren’t perfect either and if they are focusing on you they don’t have to focus on themselves.
When a narcissist emotionally abuses you and tries to take you down, realize the only reason they are doing that is out of envy and seeing something within you they wish they had. Even if they won’t admit it.
When a narcissist blames you for how they reacted saying something ‘if you didn’t do XYZ then they wouldn’t have yelled at you’, realize their inability to control their emotions isn’t your fault.
Related: 5 Good Reasons To Stop Arguing With A Narcissist
When a narcissist says something like ‘if I did it, it would have been better’ realize the reason they didn’t do it in the first place is that they could have easily made the same mistake or they are setting you up for failure.
When a narcissist makes you feel like the problem realize there is never going to be pleasing them and your attempt to will always fall short. But it isn’t a reflection of you but rather unrealistic expectations that they’ll keep raising even if you reach a certain point.
When a narcissist starts a fight realize you’re never going to win it and it doesn’t make you weak to accept ‘defeat’ because with them it’s best to just nod your head and walk away. When you fight with them they will get going and stop at nothing to take you down emotionally.
When a narcissist makes you feel like you’re too sensitive or don’t have tough enough skin when you address something you don’t like don’t believe them because any normal person doesn’t try and hurt others or make them feel bad.
When a narcissist tries to make you feel crazy and turn the tables saying things like ‘I’m the bad guy,’ realize their attempt at guilt is just another way to try and win and control you.
When a narcissist picks apart every flaw realize, there is something they are insecure about and it has nothing to do with you.
When a narcissist holds onto your mistakes then uses it against you, realize that someone in their past might have done the same thing.
When a narcissist does something kind then uses it as blackmail later, realize it’s all about control, and the moment you start doing things for yourself and begin to show them you don’t need them, they will fear you leaving.
When a narcissist makes you feel a sense of guilt for formulating relationships with others understand what they are really fearing is someone treating you better and leaving. They thrive when it comes to controlling you so if they lose you, they lose that powerful feeling they have over you.
When a narcissist tries to control your reputation and make you look bad what they are really struggling with is maybe you are a good person everyone will love and it’s them who brings out the worst in you. They don’t want to accept that.
When a narcissist tries to gossip with you and be negative or has negative habits they want to pass along to you, realize they just don’t want to feel guilty for their actions so if someone partakes with them in it, it won’t be as bad.
When a narcissist tries to provoke you or use your insecurities against you, realize they are going to do it in such a way they don’t look too bad.
Then they’ll say something to counteract their previous insult. A comment sly enough to get to you but then they will back it up with, ‘I’m just looking out for your best interest.’
When a narcissist says they are just joking but says something to hurt you understand jokes aren’t supposed to hurt.
When a narcissist does something that really crossed the line and they make promises of change only to go back to how they really are, realize they aren’t going to change.
When you are in a web a narcissist created, it’s going to feel like you can’t get out sometimes.
Related: 15 Reasons Narcissists and Sociopaths Lie
That’s what they want you to think because as much as they try to convince you, you need them, it’s really the other way around they just won’t admit it.
But most of all when a narcissist tries to convince you you’re hard to love and you shouldn’t like yourself, realize that just because they don’t like who they are doesn’t mean you have to follow that.
The best way to overcome a narcissist is by loving yourself fully and realizing how they treat you shouldn’t be the example you follow when treating yourself.
Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. Follow Kirsten on Instagram and Facebook.
Written by Kirsten Corley Originally appeared on Thought Catalog
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