Do you ever feel like you are doing all the work because someone else “just can’t seem to get it right”? Well, you might be dealing with weaponized incompetence, and narcissists are masters of this subtle but stealthy trick.
They make you believe that they’re genuinely clueless, while you’re left picking up the pieces. It’s a frustrating game that leaves you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and angry even. Now, the more you know about what is weaponized incompetence and how narcissists manipulate you, the better you will be able to call them out.
So, are you ready to know the major signs of weaponized incompetence and how to deal with weaponized incompetence? Let’s get started without any further adieu then.
First, let’s talk about what is weaponized incompetence.
Related: Manipulating A Manipulator: 8 Subtle Tricks That Will Give You The Upper Hand
What Is Weaponized Incompetence?
Weaponized incompetence is when someone pretends they can’t do something just to avoid doing it. Think of someone who always messes up a very simple task so you end up doing it for them. They tend to act clueless on purpose, delegating everything to you and making you manage everything, while they sit back and relax.
This is how narcissists manipulate you, and this is what weaponized incompetence in the workplace looks like. It’s a sneaky way to dump responsibilities on you and control the situation. Since narcissists are experts at this, you end up doing everything on your own.
7 Ways Narcissists Use Weaponized Incompetence To Manipulate You
1. They are conveniently clueless.
You will notice that they always seem to “forget” to do the basic tasks when it’s convenient for them. Known as convenient cluelessness, it’s when someone acts like they have no idea how to do something just to get out of doing it.
For example, your partner might suddenly “forget’ to load the dishwasher after dinner or pretend as if they don’t understand how the mechanics work. Keep in mind that they are not actually confused – they are just trying to shift the responsibility on you, so that you intervene and handle it yourself.
It’s nothing but a sneaky way of offloading responsibilities on you, making you the go-to person for such tasks.
2. Their helplessness seem very over-the-top.
Imagine someone acting like they’re completely helpless whenever they’re asked to do a task. They might exaggerate their incompetence to an absurd degree, making a big show of how difficult or confusing the task is for them. You will notice this sort of weaponized incompetence in the workplace.
This exaggerated helplessness is a manipulative tactic. It’s their way of saying, “I’m so bad at this; you better do it.” They’re banking on your frustration or pity to get out of doing their fair share.
It’s like watching a sitcom character fumble around on purpose — only it’s not funny when it’s happening in real life.
3. They are selectively forgetful.
What is selective forgetfulness? It’s when someone conveniently “forgets” tasks and responsibilities which they find boring, hard or tedious. Now let’s get one thing straight. It’s not that they have a bad memory, or they aren’t capable of performing these tasks, they just choose to remember what suits them.
For instance, they might “forget” to take out the trash or pick up groceries, but they’ll never forget plans with friends or things they enjoy. This selective memory lapse forces you to pick up the slack, and before you know it, you’re doing all the things they “forget” to do.
4. They are perpetually confused.
Perpetual confusion is when someone always seems confused about how to do things, no matter how many times you explain it. They will ask the same questions repeatedly and act like they’re just not getting it.
This is not a genuine struggle to understand; it’s a strategic move to frustrate you into doing the task yourself. By playing dumb, they can avoid responsibility and leave you feeling like you have to take over just to get things done right.
Related: Having A Hard Time Managing Toxic Employees? 8 Constructive Things You Can Do
5. They pull off disappearing acts at times.
One of the biggest signs of weaponized incompetence is this. Have you ever noticed how some people magically vanish when there’s work to be done? This is the disappearing act—a classic move in the weaponized incompetence playbook.
They’re always conveniently “busy” or “unavailable” when it’s time to pitch in. Whether they’re hiding in the bathroom, suddenly needing to run an urgent errand, or getting lost in their phone, their absence leaves you to handle everything.
It’s their way of shirking responsibility while you end up doing the heavy lifting. This is how narcissists manipulate you into doing their bidding.
6. They have an overwhelming need for supervision.
This is a huge sign of weaponized incompetence in the workplace. Some people you will notice need constant hand-holding and supervision to get a job done. They act like they can’t do anything without your help and guidance, asking you to support them every step of the way.
The truth is, this overwhelming need for supervision is just a tactic to make you feel like it’s easier to do the task yourself than to babysit them through it. It’s exhausting and frustrating, and that’s exactly what they’re counting on — you giving up and taking over.
7. They behave in a manner, otherwise known as reluctant compliance.
Reluctant compliance is when someone agrees to do a task but does it so poorly or slowly that you end up regretting asking them. They might do the job half-heartedly, make a mess, or drag their feet the whole time.
It’s their way of showing they’re doing it under protest, hoping you’ll think twice about asking them again. It’s a passive-aggressive move designed to make you take back the reins and handle things yourself to avoid the hassle.
Okay, now that we have talked about the signs of weaponized incompetence, let’s now talk about how to deal with weaponized incompetence.
How To Deal With Weaponized Incompetence?
1. Set crystal clear expectations.
Ever feel like you’re repeating yourself to someone who “just doesn’t get it”? Time to change the game. Start by setting super clear expectations. Break tasks down into simple steps and make sure they’re understood.
Then, follow up with a quick chat or a message to confirm everything’s clear. If they try to play dumb again, remind them of your chat. Being clear and consistent helps cut down on their excuses and keeps them accountable. This is one of the best things you can do if you are wondering how to deal with weaponized incompetence.
Related: 10 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Grow Up Emotionally
2. Use humor to call them out.
Next time you see someone pulling the “helpless” card, try a little humor. A playful comment like, “Nice try, but I know you’re smarter than that!” can highlight their act without starting a big fight.
It keeps the mood light while letting them know you’re onto their game. Sometimes, a bit of joking can make them rethink their tactics and start pulling their weight.
3. Make it a team effort.
Turn solo tasks into team efforts. Instead of taking over, suggest working together. This way, they can’t pretend they don’t know how to do something because you’re right there to guide them.
Plus, it shows you’re willing to help without letting them off the hook. It also sets the stage for them to learn and do better next time.
4. Make sure you reward independence and efficiency.
How to deal with weaponized incompetence? Catch them in the act of actually doing something right and give them props. Everyone likes a little recognition. Say something like, “Great job on that! See, I knew you could handle it.”
Positive reinforcement can encourage them to keep it up. It shifts the focus from what they can’t (or won’t) do to what they can and should do more often.
5. Set boundaries.
It’s time to draw some lines. If they keep trying to dodge work, be firm about what you will and won’t do. Politely but clearly state, “I can help with this part, but you need to handle that.”
Stand your ground, even if it feels awkward at first. Over time, they’ll get the message that you’re not falling for their tricks anymore and will be forced to step up.
Takeaway
Handling weaponized incompetence is challenging, but you’ve got the tools to spot and counter it. Stay alert, be confident, and don’t let their tricks wear you down. By taking control and setting the tone, you can create a more balanced and fair environment. You deserve to share the load evenly!
Related: 4 Warning Signs Of A Toxic Leader
Have you ever been on the other side of weaponized incompetence? Have you ever experienced weaponized incompetence in the workplace? Do let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.