Toxic Comes In Fives

/

Toxic Comes In Fives

Theory has it that we attract into our lives people “matching” our subconscious, unhealed wounds and that those who are more susceptible to socializing with negative types of people have usually weak or no boundaries, are codependents or empaths.

Our own personal experiences, sometimes in our closest social circle even, with people demonstrating characteristics of the so-called Cluster B personality disorders e.g. of the narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder, might often lead to the conclusion that all is “well” with the sure-fire signs of toxic persons, but the ultimate danger lies behind their seemingly harmless yet common traits.

5 such cases are as follows:

1. The Puer Aeternus

Now, not all Peter Pans are toxic. But some of these eternal children might be and furthermore they’re usually the hardest source of negativity to spot. Often of the narcissistic personality disorder kind, covert even, on initial acquaintance the Puer Aeternus displays a carefree, vibrant attitude that can get anyone tricked and soon easily addicted to them.

It doesn’t change the fact, however, that he (or she) is somebody who subconsciously yearns for an eternal state of childhood or youth and is incapable of living up to the complex yet necessary challenges and callings of real life. And as long as he remains in this zone, he will never mature; he will never fulfill his individual destiny in a collective society and become complete.

Think Dorian Grey – and yes, he comes with a portrait.

“How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this portrait will remain always young.”~Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde

2. The People-pleaser

“Positive” manipulation is the hardest kind of manipulation to detect; because let’s face it, egos love to be stroked, in fact that’s what they live for. But, it’s our inner and true self the one that has to live with the consequences, when the whole thing blows up right in our face.

Again, not all people-pleasers are by definition malignant. Someone who is, though, has absolutely no genuine, humanitarian motive behind e.g. his (or her) offering to pull an all-nighter with you for your next paper deadline. As unlikely as it may sound, it too is just a means to his end. People and their feelings are simply objected to his – unknown to you but ever-present for him – goal. Everything and everyone outside his personal sphere are mere extensions of himself.

Read Being a People-Pleaser: Why It’s Dangerous and How to Stop

That’s why it is widely held that empathy is a totally alien notion to this type of person. If there is something he must attain or acquire at all costs, something that entails demonstrating emotion or the like, he will resort to mimicking it – and after almost a lifetime of practice, rest assured that he has perfected it.

Truth be told of course, eyes indeed never lie; as you can spot a true emotion in them, so can you see the absolute absence or fakeness of it as well.

“He never gave me anything. He only bought me into giving him something”~Susie, Citizen Kane

3. The Self-deprecator

A typical yet not easily identified example of such a personality is the covert narcissist. The case here is of somebody who hides his (or her) low self-esteem and insecurities almost perfectly behind a well-crafted and seemingly very confident public persona. And by definition, his image follows e.g. a trend, his opinions are ultimately somebody else’s and never his own, etc. He doesn’t even know who he truly is, something that results of course in anything but authentic self and he is mostly driven by material goods and superficial attributes as a measure for worth or happiness (money, youth, beauty, etc.). His ego is one of the most fragile and easy to crumble down.

These types tend to seek attention and cannot always hide their envy for people/things they deep down deem as better than them/their own.

Read 9 Types of Toxic People That Will Drain Your Energy: You Must Avoid Them At All Costs

“And, beginning to grind his teeth again, Pyotr Petrovich admitted that he’d been a fool–but only to himself, of course.”~Demons, Fyodor Dostoyevsky

4. The Victim

It’s as the title implies; somebody of this type indulges in victim playing in almost any situation, projecting even his own faults onto others. The world is a cold, cruel place out to get him and he deserves all the protection and care he can get. He will try to gain your good favour – and keep it too – by appealing to your pity, empathy or own sense of guilt even (whether justified or not).

And when your guard is down, the work is already laid out for this kind of hard-to-identify energy vampire.

“A thorough, determined dislike of me — a dislike which I cannot but attribute in some measure to jealousy. […] his father’s uncommon attachment to me, irritated him I believe very early in life.”~George Wickham – Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen

Read How To Stop Feeling Sorry For Toxic People

5. The Coward

If you want to get a quick and clear idea on this, simply observe how someone reacts in the face of responsibility or adversity. Does he (or she) shrink from it and let others bell the cat? This type of person doesn’t know how to be sorry or apologize, tending to promise the moon and rarely deliver a light bulb – and even then, only if something is clearly in it for him, too.

And if you ever think of calling him out on it, be prepared from some first-class gaslighting.

“- Paula: Gregory, are you trying to tell me I’m insane? – Gregory: It’s what I’m trying NOT to tell myself.”~Gaslight (1944 film)

If you often wonder why you had to encounter or worse, get entangled with toxic people, try to remember that no evil comes without something good; perhaps all this is indeed giving you one more chance to uncover your deepest, still unhealed wounds.

When you happen to recognize any of the above five traits in someone you suspect might turn into a toxic encounter for you, there are many ways of dealing with it; the renowned “no contact”, though, is by far the most radical and effective. It’s easier said than done, of course, namely in the beginning, but if you stick to it diligently, like a new habit, you will soon see things clearer than ever.

Trust and respect yourself; that’s really all it takes. ~


Toxic Comes In Fives

3 responses to “Toxic Comes In Fives”

  1. Antoinette Burden Avatar

    Charlene Uys Avenant

  2. Kiran Bais Avatar

    My friend always told me “problems are never alone, they always come from five ways”. 🙂

  • Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work
  • Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self
  • The Rise in Armchair Psychologists on Social Media
  • 30+ Inspiring Quotes About Forgiveness To Let Go Of The Painful Past
Up Next

Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work

How To Deal With Bullies At Work

Trying to deal with workplace bullying day in and day out is not an easy thing to go through. If leaving your job is not the solution for you, a few research-based strategies might help you deal with the bullies at work.

Key Points

  • Toxic cultures are the top reason employees give for abandoning their employment.
  • Less than 25% of workplace bullies suffer negative repercussions for their bad behavior.
  • The best thing to do in response to workplace bullying is to leave. If that's impossible, maintaining physical distance from the bully can help.

For many of us, work is not simply a place we go to secure insurance and collect a paycheck; it is a community in which we seek belonging and purpose. Unfortunately, for targets of w


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

When You Are Your Own Abuser: 7 Ugly Signs Of Self Abuse That You Ignore

Do You Emotionally Abuse Yourself

What do you feel when you hear the word abuse? An abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment others. But what do you feel when you hear the word self abuse? Are you an abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment yourself? No, right?

While we can easily spot the signs of abuse in someone else, it is often difficult for us to recognize the same signs when we abuse our own selves. We think it is normal to keep telling ourselves that we are no good. We believe it is okay to constantly compare ourselves with others. We feel it absolutely okay to let our insecurities, fears, anxieties, self-doubts and lack of confidence dominate our lives. Only it is NOT! Abusing yourself is as wrong and unethical as abusing others. 

And this is why it is important that you identify the signs of self abuse an


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

6 Signs You’re In A Trauma Bond: What You Need To Know About The Trauma Bond And Healing

Signs Youre In Trauma Bond

When you’re healing from emotional abuse, it can be a little bit difficult to know where you stand. You can have good days, and then suddenly you’re rocked with a terrible day where you can’t stop thinking about the abusive person in your life. This is because recovery is never a straight line. And there’s also something called the trauma bond that’s a natural reaction to the abuse you’ve endured.

You may have heard of the trauma bond before. But we’re going to do a quick recap of what it is exactly (just in case you haven’t). And then we’re going to get into the six signs that you may still be in the trauma bond.

And then at the end, naturally, we’re going to talk about what to do if you are still in the trauma bond.


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲

Up Next

6 Stages Of Recovering From A Toxic Relationship

Stages Of Recovering From A Toxic Relationship

Recovering from a toxic relationship is not as easy as most people consider it to be. You might have left your abusive partner and finally escaped from the hellhole you were in, but healing from the trauma and pain left by toxic relationships can be hard to accept and deal with.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described the 5 stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, paving the way for a deeper understanding of grief in the field of mental health. More than 50 years have passed since then, but these 5 stages are still used as a framework to describe many of the experiences of grief and grieving from traumatic events.

We now know that these stages can come in a different order, can be skipped over and/or repeated, and newer research has been suggesting that there are different stages that the bereav


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Raised By A Borderline Mother: Signs, Types, Effects, And How To Deal

Borderline Mother Effects How To Deal

Children who have grown up with borderline mothers know how hard it is to live with them and try and maintain a relationship with them. Understanding the borderline mother needs a lot of patience, but at the same time, it can be emotionally and psychologically exhausting too. However, you shouldn't feel guilty about feeling like this, because a borderline mother can be a lot, like really a lot.

When you are raised by a BPD mother, more often than not your childhood is characterized by fear, anguish, anxiety, and trauma. From a very young age, you learn to tread on eggshells because you never know what might trigger her or set her off. You never knew how she would react, which is why you were in a constant


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲