The Truth About People Who Post Their Relationship Online

We’ve all got that friend. You know the one I’m talking about. She writes love notes to her boyfriend and posts them on Facebook for everyone to see. And she posts WAY too many lovey-dovey couple-selfies, from every possible angle.

And you think, REALLY? You’re not in 8th grade making out in front of your locker anymore. Grow up!

But her posts do make you wonder if your life measures up.

Here are two important things to remember:

  1. Comparison is the root to all unhappiness.
  2. Studies show your friend might not be nearly as happy as she appears.

Here’s why:

People who are insecure about how their partners feel about them post more often about their relationships. Your friend may need external validation to feel like her partner cares about her.

People with anxious attachment styles tend to post about their relationships more often – perhaps to get reassurance. Your friend might have an anxious attachment style and worry that her partner doesn’t love her enough.

Research from Albright College shows that people whose self-esteem is contingent upon their relationships tend to post more often (and even brag about their relationship on social media). Maybe your friend needs her relationship to appear okay publicly in order for her to feel okay about herself.

Researches at Albright College also found that people high in Neuroticism tend to post more often to show off their relationships (and also monitor their partners online). Maybe your friend is anxious, jealous, worried, angry, fearful, frustrated, envious, guilty, depressed or lonely.

Posting happy times with your partner (and excluding the bad times) can make you feel better about your relationship. Maybe your friend is only showing the happy times online, and leaving out all the bad stuff she doesn’t want anyone to know about.

Happy couples are too busy having fun together to remember to take photos. Maybe your friend isn’t engaged and having fun with her partner.

Genuinely happy couples don’t really care what anyone else thinks. Maybe your friend wants everyone to think she’s happy, when she’s not.

Research shows that people who use social media less are happier than those who use it more often. Maybe your friend isn’t happy in general.

So the next time your friend posts multiple lovey-dovey couple selfies or public declarations of undying love for her beau, remember…

She might be happy and in love.

Or she might be unhappy, insecure, anxious, neurotic, have low self-esteem, care too much what others think or be unhappy in general.

Instead of comparing your life to her social media newsfeed, why not reach out and see how she’s doing? Be a good friend – she might need you right now.

And remember, the grass isn’t always greener. Stop comparing yourself to what you see others posting online. I suggest you water your own grass and appreciate all the blessings in your life.

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Michelle Jacoby is a matchmaker, dating & relationship coach, and the owner of DC Matchmaking, a small boutique matchmaking and coaching company that’s all about helping commitment-minded singles in the DC area find love. Michelle gained national recognition when she was awarded finalist for Best Matchmaker in the US at the 2011 iDate Awards and also finalist for Best Matchmaker and Best Dating Coach at the 2015 iDate Awards. Michelle was a featured speaker at the 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2014 National Matchmaking Conferences; the 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015 National iDate Conferences; and The Great Love Debate in 2014. Michelle teaches body language for dating and runs Smart Dating Boot Camps for women.

2 COMMENTS

  1. I do believe there is some validity here. Love and intimacy are best kept private. Of course people post milestones in a relationship like engagements, marriage etc. that they to share that with others. I do wonder why people who are truly living in love would freezeframe special moments to get a pic to post..tells me it’s more about what the world sees than what they are truly feeling. Keep your private relationship private. True love doesn’t need likes or attention.