Change is the only constant. As easy as it is to say, most of us are not ready to get out of our comfortable cocoon. Hence, we resist change which comes from our fear of the unknown. We get used to our lifestyle so much (even if we donโt like it), that we are unwilling to adapt to the new circumstances or the transformations in life. Here are the stages of our natural opposition to change.
Change Is Never Easy
Whether youโre someone who prefers the comforts of home or youโre an adventurous spirit who loves to explore, change can be scary โ even in the best of circumstances!
Even though we all have a natural desire for novelty and newness, the human psyche equates anything new or โunknownโ with potential danger, and since we must face the unknown in order to embrace change, most of us instinctively gravitate towards the familiar, often avoiding change altogether.
Just to make matters worse, thereโs a whole bunch of common clichรฉs that tell us we shouldย resist changeย at all costs. For example:
- You have to play the cards youโve been dealt!
- Your fate is sealed โ so just accept it!
- Once your bed is made, you have to lie in it!
Regardless of whether weโre rhetorical victims of the โcards weโve been dealtโ or weโre trapped in a โbed weโve made,โ weโre led to believe that we have little power to change, and therefore, once we make a major life choice, we must resign ourselves to the consequences โ no matter how bleak.
As a result, we might pay the price by enduring problematic jobs, unfulfilling relationships, or challenging life circumstances. Fortunately, life comes with an automatic โfail-safeโ!
Related: The Egyptian Symbol Tattoo You Pick Reveals What You Should Change In Life
Lifeโs โFail-Safeโ
While it may seem easier to stay in our respective comfort zones and resist change, the nature of life ensures that change is inevitable, and in fact, to compensate for any resistance, we each come equipped with an automatic โfail-safeโ that propels us towards change โ whether we like it or not.
However, make no mistake, weโre not talking about random change here, but rather, weโre talking about the type of change that moves us towards a higher purpose โ and specifically, a purpose that is unique for each of us.
Much like an internal alarm, the โfail-safeโ usually begins as a gentle nudge of dissatisfaction in some aspect of our lives. Even though we might be able to ignore this warning indefinitely, and we all have free will to do so, the longer we ignore the warning, the louder it becomes, and of course, this means that our โcomfort zoneโ gets less and less comfortable, the more we resist change.
Therefore, if weโre willing to tolerate unfulfilling or difficult life circumstances or weโre waiting for a crisis to propel us into action, we set ourselves up for unnecessary challenges.
As the expression goes, โYou can go the easy way or the hard way,โ but either way, change is inevitable!
So, how can we overcome resistance and avoid unnecessary challenges while effectively navigating change?
Well, to answer this question, Iโve developed the โThe 6 Stages of (resisting) Change!โ Through this comprehensive guide, youโre about to learn how to:
- Identify your current โstage of change.โ
- Understand the cost of resistance (what happens when you resist change?).
- Recognize and avoid unnecessary challenges.
- Embrace change by making conscious life choices (before challenges force you toโฆ).
Keep in mind that by embracing change at any stage, we can avoid the unnecessary challenges associated with the next!
Stage 1 โ The Stage of Complacent Discomfort
Unfortunately, our most important adult choices are often based on theย limiting beliefsย we inherited in childhood, and because our true dreams and desires are often overshadowed as a result, we may find ourselves chained to unfulfilling jobs or committed to ill-suited partners, or quite possibly, both!
Whether a job, relationship, or situation was not right from the start and weโve been lying to ourselves for years or it was once a good fit but weโve since outgrown it, the first stage of change is usually marked by a state of โcomplacent discomfort.โ
Although a job or relationship might appear good at face value, and maybe nothing is really โwrong,โ during Stage One, we begin to experience a sense of growing discomfort.
As a way to overlook this discomfort, we rationalize our circumstances and we find compelling reasons to โsettle,โ such as financial security, convenience, comfort, and/or emotional stability. Not to mention, if weโve already invested time and energy into our current job, partner or situation, we might be afraid to lose that investment or the promise of future rewards. Or, maybe, we just donโt want to hurt someone we care about.
Moreover, if leaving a job or relationship results in the loss of oneโs perceived worth, itโs common to deny the truth so that we can resist change at all costs.
We might also convince ourselves that weโre not good enough, young enough, or smart enough to start over, and if we believe that โwe canโt do any better,โ we naturally settle for less than we desire.
So, not only do we โsettle,โ we find ways to rationalize why we should!
As long as circumstances are tolerable and the rewards seem to outweigh the costs, we might be able to make peace with mediocrity during Stage One, and even though we know weโre settling, we grow accustomed to living this way.
Nonetheless, when the reasons to stay overshadow the desire for change, โcomplacent discomfortโ might appear to be the path of least resistance. However, appearances can be deceptiveโฆ.because in order to remain in less than ideal circumstances, we mustย โmindlessly go through the motionsโ day after day, and while we pretend that everythingโs okay, we must deny our true feelings and desires.
As a result of ongoingย denialย and resistance to change, Stage One is often the longest stage, and not surprisingly, by the end of this stage, itโs common to experience some level of lethargy,ย hopelessness,ย and even depression.
During Stage One, the Universe provides a gentle nudge in the direction of change, but if that nudge isnโt enough to propel us towards change, we enter Stage Twoโฆ.and this is when that nudge becomes a noticeable shove.
To make changes during Stage One:
- Listen to internal nudges, intuitive dreams and inner guidance.
- Pay attention to external signs; whatโs life trying to tell you?
- Notice if youโre bored, dissatisfied or settling in any area of life โ or if youโre rationalizing discomfort.
Related: 7 Stages Of Awakening You Have To Go Through To Achieve Enlightenment
Stage 2 โ The Stage of โComing to Termsโ
As we enter Stage Two, we can no longer deny that we are unhappy or unfulfilled. Weโve grown tired of complacency โ and weโve grown tired of being tired!
We begin to realize that there is a long-term cost to avoiding the short-term pain associated with change. For instance, by avoiding the short-term pain of leaving a job we dislike, weโre faced with the long-term pain of losing valuable years in exchange for meaningless work.
Additionally, to avoid the short-term pain of a romantic break-up, we must endure the long-term pain of anย unfulfilling relationship. Regardless of details, the cost of โsettlingโ becomes undeniable during Stage 2.
Once we acknowledge the dismal quality of our current circumstances, we begin to contemplate change, and, just maybe, we come to terms with the fact that we are meant to be happy and fulfilled!
So, instead of putting others first all the time, we start thinking about ourselves,ย โWhat do I need in order to be happy?โ โWhat do I want from life?โ
As we analyze our lives and reprioritize our needs, suppressed desires and long-lost dreams often begin to re-surface, and unbeknownst to us at the time, one or more of these dreams could hold the blueprint for our intended destiny.
While we can choose to change at any stage and avoid the next, as long as conditions remain manageable, the easiest thing to do is often nothing at all, and when this is the case during Stage Two, we are catapulted into the โdeadline stage.โ
To make changes during Stage Two:
By approaching your life with complete honesty, ask yourself the following questions:
โ Whatโs not working in my life โ and why?
โ If there were no conditions, what do I really want to do?
โ If I could be anyone, who would I become?
โ To have the life I really desire, what changes do I need to make?
โ Lastly, if youโre not ready for a big change, a series of small but consistent actions can become significant stepping stones.
Related: 8 Major Twin Flame Stages โ Are You Experiencing This?
Stage 3 โ The โDeadlineโ Stage
During Stage 3, escalating discomfort turns intoย emotional painย and suffering, and as pain and suffering infiltrates our comfort zone and forces us out, weโre propelled into consciousness โ and this is when we begin to really wake up and pay attention!
Now, without the shield of denial or the need to justify complacency, we are faced with the blatant facts of unfulfilling life circumstances. As we finally see through all the facades, we begin to reorganize our priorities and seriously contemplate options! Clearly, this feels like โdo or die!โ
Even though we might feel the pressure to make a decision, and we really want to leave an unhappy situation, we might not be prepared to take definitive action, and, as a result, we are pulled in two. In order to reconcile indecision, we might bide our time by setting a deadline for definitive action (ex: leaving a job or relationship). If this is the case, we might choose a designated date that is based on a milestone, such as a graduation or a retirement date.
Although we may keep our decision to ourselves, thereโs now a foreseeable end to our despair, and whether weeks, months, or years away, we feel an immediate sense of relief. Finally, with a light at the end of the tunnel, weโre able to tolerate our remaining time.
However, even though weโve made the hard choice and committed to a specific deadline, weโve also given ourselves permission to prolong action and delay change.
While some people use deadlines as springboards into a new life during this stage, others donโt, and as a result, this strategy frequently backfires. You see, as the designated date draws near, all sorts of fears and objections often surface, and although some are logical, many are not.
Once we begin to second guess our decision, the reasons to stay start overshadowing the reasons to go, and if our minds become clouded with doubt, the clarity we once had is virtually lost.
Sadly, we may discover that we areย no more preparedย nowย than the day we first made the choice to change, and since weโre back at square one, we may have no idea what to do next! Consequently, that wonderful feeling of initial relief is often replaced by an impending sense of doom.
Although most people never make the connection, internal doubt and uncertainty can manifest as unexpected events that interrupt our departure plans. In other words, when weโre afraid to do something, we might unknowingly manifest plenty of tangible reasons not to do it!
Related: The Kubler Ross Change Curve: Understanding The 5 Stages Of Change
For example:
โ A time-critical project has to be completed.
โ The person we are leaving suddenly needs our help.
โ A family crisis derails our plans.
โ Some type of disability requires assistance.
โ Financial issues immobilize our departure.
โ An exit strategy falls apart (ex: we lose a new place to live or work).
Once we have a valid excuse to postpone our plans, we may feel a temporary sense of relief. However, if we use excuses to resist change, we naturally attract more excuses, and consequently, we set ourselves up for unnecessary challenges.
Nonetheless, the moment we pass our self-imposed deadline without taking action, we move on to the next stage โ and this is when we reach the โtipping point.โ
To make changes during Stage Three:
- If you make a deadline for definitive change, make sure that youโll be ready and able to take action when the date approaches.
- Prepare well in advance; mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, logistically, etcโฆ.
- Donโt wait to the last minute to communicate with those involved.
Stage 4ย โย The โTipping Pointโ Stage
โIn order to align us with ourย highest path, the Universe may orchestrate a โtipping pointโ that propels us toward change.โ
During this stage, current circumstances inevitably deteriorate beyond acceptable limits until we eventually reach a โtipping point,โ and this could manifest as a reduction in pay, demotion in status or title, intensifying relationship issues, or virtually anything that might push us over the edge.
Regardless of details, when tolerable circumstances exceed a personal โbreaking pointโ and become intolerable, the excuses to resist change become meaningless!
Moreover, when emotional pain and suffering escalates beyond a certain threshold, an internal switch is triggered and we are catapulted into action. Although we might have been on the fence for years (trapped in indecision), suddenly, thereโs no longer a choice, and, when this occurs, change can be virtually instant!ย
Oftentimes, this is when โsomething snapsโ inside, and after months or years of painful complacency, we suddenly pack our bags and leave.
However, if our pain threshold is high or the fear of change is still greater than the pain, we could remain stuck where we are โ resist change. So, even though we might be drowning in emotional quicksand, we are still willing to live in despair!
Unlike the โtipping pointโ stage where you still have a choice, the next stage marks the โpoint of no return.โ
To make changes during Stage Four:
- Do your best to make peace with the facts.
- Donโt fight the tipping point.
- The quicker you surrender and the easier you let go, the better things will flow.
Related: Wheel of Emotions โ The Perfect Tool To Better Understand Your Emotions
Stage 5 โ The Stage of Crisis
By this stage in the game, if you still resist change, the next wake-up call could become a pivotal turning point.
Oftentimes, a drastic wake-up call manifests as anย unexpected crisisย that forces us into action, and this could mean that we get fired from a difficult job or our partner suddenly leaves โ or we could even experience a personal illness.
Once crisis forces us out of our comfort zone and we no longer have a say, we are beyond the point of no return. As a result, we are often stripped of the lies weโve been living and we lose whatever weโve been holding onto under pretense โ specifically, any false sense of security or worth.
Not surprisingly, due to the โnon-voluntary displacementโ experienced in this stage, itโs common to experience chronic depression or hopelessness. However, just to be perfectly clear, none of this is due to punishment nor karma. Even though we might call it a crisis, itโs really a divine intervention where a loving Universe is conspiring for our wellbeing.
Embracing change during this stage often feels like we have no choice, but no matter how it might feel, it can be the beginning of a whole new life!
However, if we somehow still refuse to change, the next stop is Rock Bottom!
Related: 5 Lessons That This Crisis Taught Us
To make changes during Stage Five:
- Look at the bigger picture.
- As you try to focus on the upside, do your best to let go of the downside.
- Stop clinging to your comfort zone.
- Make sure to get good emotional support from a friend or professional โ and donโt be afraid to ask for help!
Stage 6 โ โRock Bottomโ Stage
Even though we might have been permanently โkicked outโ of our comfort zone in the last stage, if we make it to this stage, weโre somehow still resisting change, and, if we continue to resist, weโll inevitably discover that the quicksand in which weโre drowning might actually have a bottom โ rock bottom!
During this stage, weโre either ejected from a familiar life or derailed from a presumed trajectory โ and this could mean that we may lose everything.
Despite the fact that we may be desperate to regain a sense of security or status quo, we might waste time and energy ruminating about mistakes weโve made or blaming others for our dismal fate, or, quite possibly, seesawing between the two!
Even though we might have spent years or decades trying to control every aspect of our lives, if we want a better future, we first have to let go of everything that doesnโt work. Not only do we have to let go of all the opportunities that never came to pass, but we also have toย forgive ourselvesย for all the mistakes weโve made, and in the process, we must purge self-pity, regret, guilt, and anger too.
Since we can no longer pretend to be who others want us to be, we must courageously peel away the false self, layer by layer, until we discover who we really are and what we really want.
As we take responsibility for our own fate and weโre able to make conscious choices that support our True Being, we are able to create the space for new opportunities to arrive.
Once thereโs a light at the end of the tunnel, we may come to realize that the Universe had closed every door but the one leading to our deepest dreams and desires.
Never too Late!
Regardless of how it might seem, itโs never too late to take charge of your fate!
Believe it or not, you have the power to deal yourself with a brand new hand at any stage in the game. In fact, the quicker you wake up, figure out what you really want and give yourself permission to have it, the easier everything becomes!
Never settle for mediocrity or the mundane when you can live your dreams!
Copyright ยฉ Nanice Ellis, 2019.
Written By Nanice Ellis
Originally appeared on: Wake Up World
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