Tag: self development blogs

Hey Introvert Personality Type

Just because someone is quiet, does that mean they don’t have anything to say? Or that they are quiet because they are dumb? On the contrary, the quiet ones have the strongest and loudest minds amongst all.

“Just because you don’t say much doesn’t mean people don’t notice you. It’s actually the quiet ones who often draw the most attention. There’s this constant whirlwind of motion and sound all around, and then there’s the quiet one, the eye of the storm.” ― Amy Efaw, After.

There’s a guy out there at the party. You see others around him talking, laughing, and socializing. The guy looks handsome but he’s quiet. He is with his friends but you don’t see him talking much. Nobody pays much attention to him because of his silence. You might think he’s socially awkward or he’s not smart. It might occur to you that he is feeling out of the place. Perhaps, he lacks intellect, and hence, he cannot communicate with others.

But are you really sure whether you are right or not?

We find a lot of people around us who remain silent most of the time. They usually don’t say much, be it in their professional meeting or a friendly one. In any social gathering, there are always two types of people: the extroverts and the introverts.

The ebullience of the extroverts can be noticed from the very beginning. They are always bubbling with energy; they are ready to talk to you even if you are a stranger to them and are always excited to share their ideas with you.

The introverts or the quiet ones are the ones people tend to miss out on. They remain so silent that they often remain unnoticed till the time they start to speak. They are keen observers and listen to each and every minute detail of conversations going on around them. Introverts observe the body movements and facial expressions of people and connect them to whatever they are saying.

They think as they observe. And finally, when they speak, their insight, their wisdom, their creativity creates something beautiful, something magical that takes all of us by surprise.

Related: 19 Signs You’re an Introvert in a Loud World

Quiet people are the most intelligent among us. They are clever and creative. If you consider their quietness as a sign of withdrawal from society, you are making a big mistake. They aren’t as vulnerable as you think. The truth is, they are just the opposite.

They are the ones who are the strongest and you should never mess with them. Want to know why?

Here Are 5 Reasons Why The Quiet Ones Have the Strongest Minds

(1) They listen to others and know a lot about everyone else.

You are with a group of friends and most of you are talking. While you are talking continuously, you are focusing on yourself. At the same time, the quiet one in the group is observing you and others. Most of you are busy expressing your ideas and hence you can’t focus on what others are thinking or how others are reacting.

Since the quiet one is silent, they listen to what others have to say. They speak when there is nobody else left. When it is their time to speak, they know the ideas of everyone else, and having done that, whatever they say turns out to be wonderful and it’s a culmination of their own thoughts as well as the thoughts of the rest of the group.

(2) They are extremely good observers.

Quiet people fully focus on everyone else. Suppose you are busy talking to people in the group. You are interacting with them but your focus is on what you have to say or how you have to deal with things. There are some people who might frown or grin or share a laugh while you are blabbering continuously.

The quiet person observes everything. It becomes difficult to cheat on them because they have seen others.

(3) They are more focused than extroverts.

Quite people know the best way to utilize their energy. They have strong goals but instead of talking about their dreams and wasting their time, they are busy trying to achieve them. They will start their project on their own, share it with just some people who are required to finish it.

Once they are done, the rest of the world knows about it. This comes as a big surprise and the work too becomes unique because there weren’t too many cooks to spoil the broth.

Related: 7 Things All Quiet People Will Understand

(4) Silence is a strength, not a weakness.

The quiet ones are the strongest ones in the group. Since they don’t reveal much about themselves, it becomes difficult to know their strengths and weaknesses. Silence protects them from being vulnerable. Talking too much and expressing oneself too much makes us open-books.

Quiet ones are in fact the smartest of the lot. They are clever enough to conceal their secrets and be the strongest.

(5) They do have social skills and know where to draw the line.

It’s a common misconception that quiet people don’t have social skills. They do have good social skills and they build them slowly with others. They enjoy deep conversations and bond with others from deep within. They enjoy going to parties and remain within their group. People who know them closely love them and admire them.

Introverts also know where to draw the line. They will not tolerate any misbehavior. If they are ill-treated, they will speak up for themselves and make sure the person gets the right punishment. They will not tolerate anything which is unjust.

Quiet people are amazing souls who reside in this universe. We have a lot to learn from them. Love them, respect them and once you bond with them, you will become stronger too.
Self Awareness Self Development

Do you often feel mentally and physically tired? What if you are going through chronic negativity and not aware of it?

Complaints are tolerable as long as they hear logic. So are tragedies.

A lot of people around us have the habit of complaining about each and everything or keep on telling people their tragic life stories.

‘Why did the computer crash at this hour?’

‘Why there’s so much of traffic?’

‘Why has the restaurant stopped offering that special breakfast menu?’

‘Why did he lie to me?’

‘Why is she wearing that short skirt? Is she trying to seduce my boyfriend?’

Life is not always fair and some of them might have faced tragic circumstances more than us for which we aren’t even responsible.

It’s our responsibility to be with those who have suffered.

Related: 10 Signs That Tell You It’s Time To Change Your Life

However, too much of negativity is detrimental to our psychological and physiological health.

What’s too much negativity?

Some particular tragic incident is negative. But, negativity becomes chronic when a person keeps on pointing at the negative side of anything that happens.

There can be traffic on the road because it’s a part and parcel of life. People do lie. People break-up and move on. Human beings are governed by the seven deadly sins.

We can’t control anyone but ourselves. However, complaining or groaning or bitching about everything doesn’t help in creating positivity.

When one bitch about someone, only the negative sides are highlighted. In our struggle for survival of the fittest, when we see the people around us finding negativity everywhere, we too get lost and disillusioned.

Negativity, like positivity, spreads fast like an infection. This pessimistic attitude can kill us.

A lot of researchers have been done by scientists which reveal how chronic negativity affect our health and might often lead to death.

It’s necessary for us to understand how this happens.

So, we have made a list that will guide you, throwing light on this dynamics of negativity.

(1) The immune system can be impaired:

Negativity can impair our immune system.

Let us for example, say, that you are going to work. You have a presentation to give and you need that perfect suit.

However, you can’t find it and get angry, perhaps on your face or your partner. Instead of choosing another one, you waste your time contemplating why couldn’t you find your suit and also saying something unpleasant.

This increases your stress. Your blood pressure gets increased. According to research, five minutes of anger can get your immune system impaired for six hours.

This gives a big blow to your health and your productivity gets affected too.

Related: The 7 Physical Signs of Extreme Sadness

(2) A lot of health problems can get triggered:

You have a deadline to finish. Instead of working, you are more scared of the outcome. There might be problems which you encounter while you work.

These problems make you anticipate that you can’t finish your work on time and your boss will have a negative impression of you.

You keep on worrying will you be able to finish it or not. This is more likely to trigger a headache.

Negative emotions like anger, anxiety, and others can trigger mild health issues like headaches or might cause a heart attack. Prolonged periods of stress can affect the heart which will result in cardiac arrest.

According to Dr. Cynthia Thaik, heart attacks or strokes are caused because of stress and stress is the effect of nurturing negativity.

Related: 8 Powerful Steps To Positive Thinking

(3) The person is affected by cynicism:

When a person is always seeing negative traits in everyone, they start losing trust in others. Too much distrust causes cynicism!

In 2014, the journal called Neurology published a report which stated that people who were cynical had a greater risk of dementia in their old age as compared to those who trusted people.

Chronic negativity can reign havoc in our brains resulting in such unwanted complications in our lives.

Nurturing negativity brings negativity in our lives. Dr. Elaine Hatfield, who is a psychologist, has done extensive research on this issue.

According to the findings of the research, when human beings interact with each other, they are influenced by each other’s habits like body movements, gestures, expressions.

Related: Change your Mind to Change your Life

Most importantly, they are highly affected by their line of thoughts. Suppose you are a group of five people. Three of your colleagues are extremely pessimistic.

You meet them every day and get to hear the negative aspects of the day. Slowly, you start believing in these negative aspects and develop more negativity of your own.

This, in turn, leads to health problems and eventually might become fatal.

Negativity can never bring good. It disturbs us and only welcomes more negativity. Worrying about anything will not change the outcome.

We need to be strong and accept things in the way they come. We need to be confident of ourselves and if our peers are negative, we should snap them out of it.

Instead of picking up their negativity, we should try to suppress them and stay healthy.
Lifestyle Self Development Self Love

You have known this girl for a long time now. You have seen how lonely she was in high school. While most of you were dating, she was there, either crushing for someone or just focusing on other things, maybe because she couldn’t find the right person. It’s not about how she looked or how she behaved; it was about what she wanted, which is why she chose to stay single.

She went to college where she dated men. But these men never clicked. Her ex left her. She dated a few after that but things didn’t work out for her. It’s not that she lost faith in love but yes, she ended up being alone.

Nobody likes to be lonely. Neither does she. But experiences made her lonely. For some reason or the other, she ended up being single. It’s not a tragedy for her because she is now the happiest girl in this world.

“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day happily and let your Ever After work itself out.” ― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass.

Related: The Kind Of Single Woman You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Now you might ask, why does a girl who chose to stay single is the happiest?

The reasons are many.

Here Is Why Women Who Stay Single For A Long Time End Up Being The Happiest

1) She enjoys her solitude.

It’s been really hard for to her overcome break-ups but she has done that. She doesn’t need anybody else to be happy.

She’s perfectly comfortable with her solitude. There used to be times when she would cry herself off to sleep. But now she loves it. She has no need to wait for someone’s call late in the night and then get disappointed because the man of her life didn’t call back.

When she’s alone with herself, there’s no need for her to tell her significant other to meet and hear words from him which she wouldn’t have expected, which would hurt her. She’s not dependent on anyone for her happiness. She loves her solitude.

2) She’s independent.

She is financially, socially, and psychologically independent. She knows how to take care of herself, how to manage her expenses, pay her own bills. If she faces any problem, she solves it on her own.

She helps others but she’s capable of helping herself. She’s powerful. Independence gives her the courage to move forward in life.

3) She’s confident.

Be it buying groceries or watching a movie, she does them all alone. She doesn’t need anyone to share her experiences with. It’s perfectly okay for her because she is in touch with her true self.

Even if we are in a relationship, we can’t always have our partners with us in whatever we do. For a lot of couples, the better half’s absence makes the other person unhappy and disinterested in doing things.

She’s single and she doesn’t need to tolerate all this drama in her life. She chose to stay single because she is happy doing things alone.

Related: 5 Things To Expect When You Date A Confident Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

4) She’s an achiever.

She has been able to concentrate on her personal development. Having too much time for herself, she could focus on her dreams and aspirations. She studied hard and gave more time in her professional sphere.

She could attain a lot professionally at a young age when her friends were busy dating or getting married or having kids. The world looks up to her as a young talent. She knows she has a lot to give and she hones her intellect.

5) She’s not bothered about love.

She’s not scared of losing out on love. For her, love is just a part of her life. It doesn’t matter to her if she finds love again or not. She is not looking for love everywhere, and that is one of the biggest reasons why she opted to stay single.

For her, giving priority to her own work and to focus on is something really important. She believes that if love comes, it will come on its own; it’s just not worth wasting time in waiting.

6) She’s not scared of dying as a spinster.

Marriage is not the ultimate goal in her life. She’s not against marriage but she also believes that one can happily lead their life without getting married. Marriage is not a parameter to be happy.

Related: To All The Single Ladies! Its Okay To Be Alone

7) She is happily single.

If ever she finds someone, then that someone will encourage her to grow. Her Mr. Right will give her space and will not keep her restrained to him and his dreams. She will only be in a relationship when that relationship gives her liberation.

Women like her are the strongest and happiest women that can be found on earth. They are special as better-halves because they will not remain dependent on their partners; rather, they will give support to their partners, they will inspire them.

She’s happy not because she’s single but because being single has taught her to explore herself and she knows the woman in her. With time, she has learned to sharpen her strength and tackle her weaknesses. She values individuality.

So, if some day she gets into a relationship, she will have respect and love for her partner and will be the woman every man desires.
Mental Health Self Development

Open Letter To Anyone Who Doesn’t Feel Like Themselves Anymore

You are not the same person anymore.

Every single day, you look into the mirror and ask yourself, ‘Do I know me?’

It’s been quite a few months you have been feeling that you are not being yourself; that whoever you know is not your true self.

It might have been such that something or someone changed you.

But is it really worth it?

Are you happy with the person you are now?

Do you enjoy being the person you are now?

Think again.

You know you are not the same person anymore. You have not been able to accept the change in yourself. It’s something you were forced to embrace.

You feel lost and your past is gone forever.

You crave to get back your past self but you are shackled and somehow, you cannot break away from it.

Do you remember how jubilant you were before?

How excited were you to meet new people and do new things?

That incident at the pub…does it rings any bell?

You were laughing out loud with strangers and even danced. That was the first time you discovered how much you enjoyed dancing.

What about now?

The other week you went to that same pub and sat with a beer alone; you didn’t even look at others dancing let alone talk to strangers.

What’s wrong? Can you understand this?

It’s been quite a while you have bashed someone for doing something wrong. Isn’t it?

Last year you saw a bunch of girls mocking a fat girl at the Student’s Centre.

You went up to them and entered into a fight telling them that good looks don’t account for good behavior and that they are mean human beings.

Others noticed and appreciated the way you stood by the fat girl.

Why then didn’t you speak up the other day when you saw a man misbehaving with the waiter? What made you control your tongue?

Have you seen how your wardrobe has changed?

You think twice before buying a new clothing. At the back of your mind, you are always thinking, ‘What will they say if I wear this?’

You are not comfortable with whatever you are wearing; you aren’t happy with whatever you are wearing.

Your schedule has changed and you have to keep in mind while communicating with people. You have to think a number of times before saying or doing things.

You are not the same person anymore.

Every single day, you wake up and ask yourself, ‘Is this really me?’

You are tired. Deep down, you know you are judged and that your actions will get misinterpreted.

You need to be extremely careful while taking every step of your life. There’s too much to deal with and you need some peace on your own.

You do those things because you are scared of negative criticism, you are scared of getting blamed for unnecessary things.

A constant fear works in you which makes you accept this change and carry on even though you are not happy about it.

Read What It Really Means To Break up With Someone With Anxiety Disorder

But why is this change when you are not happy about it?

What happened that changed you?

Is it love or criticism of some people which made you change?

Or is it some traumatic incident in your life? A break-up, perhaps?

If you are changing for the person you love, you should know that love changes people for better and do not have negative impacts on them.

Love will change you in such a way that you will feel happy and grateful about it, not the otherwise.

Changing oneself for some negative criticism is a symbol of low self-esteem.

It’s not worth it.

If it’s a break-up that changed you, you should remember that it’s good it happened. You didn’t deserve your ex.

No need to change yourself because you thought being you was the reason for your breakup, no matter what your ex had said.

You need to keep in mind certain things.

1. We all are growing and changing but that change comes from within. We change a lot but there’s something in our core that makes us who we are. It will always remain the same. If you try to change those elements, you will stop being yourself.

2. You will not be the same person anymore and you will not be happy about it either.

3. True love will not force you to change. If you change, it will be because you wanted to and you should be happy about it. If your partner is forcing you to change, then it’s not true love.

4. Let go of people and things who try to control you. You are a free individual. You have every right to live life on your own terms. It’s hard to let go of the person you love most but do remember, it was never meant to be. You should be happy with the person you are with, not succumb to depression.

5. Love yourself. You have the potential to be successful. You deserve to be loved back. Just have patience and give it time. Time heals everything.

If you are not being yourself, cut off ties with forces that are changing you. Be happy with yourself. Respect yourself. Love yourself. You are precious.

Read Love Yourself, Don’t Hurt Yourself
Interesting Self Development

We can all get upset at times but there are healthy ways to express frustration and anger.

It is important, especially for empaths and sensitive people to be aware of the difference between venting and dumping as the later can beat down one’s positivity and self-worth.

As a psychiatrist and empath myself I have a hard time tolerating loud noises.

So, for the sake of preservation, I have a “no yelling” rule in my house.

For sensitive people, a healthier way to express anger is through venting, whereas dumping is toxic and can traumatize and overwhelm us.

For instance, if your spouse wants to vent, ask him or her to make a formal request by saying,

“I have a request. I need to vent about an issue.

Is that okay to do now?”

This gives you some warning so you’re not hijacked.

Then, it’s your choice to discuss the issue right away or later when you have adequate time and feel more centered.

Here are some guidelines from my book, “The Empath’s Survival Guide” to follow when you or someone else is communicating anger or frustration.

Communication is vital when it comes to expressing anger or other intense emotions.

Knowing the difference between venting and dumping is a positive start to having clarity in your relationships.

If someone starts dumping on you, it’s fine to excuse yourself and tell them “I can talk to you when you are calmer.”

Learning to protect yourself in this way, particularly if you are a sensitive person, is an important form of self-care.

Read This Isn’t the Time to Accept Toxic Behavior From Anyone

(Adapted from “The Empath’s Survival Guide” by Judith Orloff MD)
Interesting Self Development
Attracting people seems like a big challenge for you? You will surely attract people and grab their attention, if you apply these 7 tricks, as backed by Psychologists.

Are you still living in the fantasy that cutting your hair short or using that Mac makeup kit or wearing that black bow tie will make you look attractive? Do you really believe that make-ups, dresses, and accessories are the keys to pull people towards you? It’s high time you start considering them as delusions.

These things are never worth it.

Yes, first appearances do leave a mark and you don’t need to be fair-skinned or have a zero-figure or six-pack abs to be attractive.

You just need to be dressed in a decent way. The rest depends on a lot of other factors.

According to psychology, beauty is just a matter of time; what stays with other people are your internal attributes.

These attributes leave a long and lasting impression on people’s minds and the attraction grows stronger.

So, are you eager to know about these 7 parameters? Here’s the list:

(1) You need to have individuality:

According to Baumeister, self-concept is defined as the individual’s belief about themselves which includes the person’s attributes and ideas about the self.

You need to understand yourself first before others understand you. No matter what happens, optimism should be your key weapon and you should know how to make things brighter.

Once you understand yourself, you will know your strengths and weaknesses properly. People are always attracted to the ones who have a strong individuality.

This individuality can be anything; you might be a good orator and people get impressed by your way of talking; the dresses you wear might reflect your own sense of fashion and are not dictated by others.

It’s not about dressing up or carrying accessories because they are considered as good; it’s about using them to define your nature, to compliment your character and not otherwise.

These will make people remember you and people will find you interesting.

Related: 5 Body Language Signs Of Attraction Backed By Science

(2) You need to have a great goal:

In psychology, there’s a phenomenon called Einstellung effect. This effect is based on the idea that when people are executing the same solution, they do not know of each other because all of them are doing the same thing.

On the other hand, when a new problem is created, it unlocks the door to new opportunities. Let’s say, there are 5 people in a project.

4 of them abide by the rules and think of finishing the project fast. The 5th one, however, adds more parameters into the project which holds the possibility of extending the project and even upgrading it.

That is when others will see the extent of the 5th person’s line of thought and get inspired by them.

They will admire it because that person could think of a better possibility and a higher goal while they were busy working in a mundane fashion without adding creativity to it. They are bound to praise the person for dreaming big.

(3) Don’t complain; adjust instead:

People who keep on complaining leave a negative impression on others.

According to a psychologist, Lisa Juliano, each and every situation is an opportunity to find fault for the ones who complain regularly.

This creates a lot of stress on the complainer and brings depression.

Suppose you don’t like the food they serve you at your office canteen. Instead of adjusting or finding better solutions within the limited options available, you keep on complaining each and every day.

This not only makes you feel upset but also drains the one you are complaining too.

Since you keep on complaining about food, you might as well end up complaining about a lot of other issues because complaining becomes your habit.

When a person complains, it reflects the person’s inability to adjust. The list of complaints only grows. You become upset, you give negative vibes to those around you and eventually you make others feel bad too.

Nobody likes to stay in a negative environment. After a certain point of time, they will get tired of it and eventually detach themselves from you.

So, stop complaining and try to adjust.

Related: 5 Positive Traits In You That Attracts Narcissists

(4) Have confidence:

Confidence is one of the strong forces to attract people. Everyone loves a person who is confident.

Dr. Mark D. White who is the chair of the Department of Philosophy at the College of Staten Island, states that,

‘Confidence’ can be equated with faith and having confidence is like having faith in something which one is uncertain of.

The reason confident people are attractive is that others see how confident people carry themselves, how they are happy with themselves and how they aren’t bothered about who thinks what about them.

Confident people don’t compete against others; rather people compete against them to feel confident.

(5) Look straight into the eye:

Looking straight into one’s eye while talking establishes a strong bond. Eyes speak a lot.

According to psychologists, when a person is talking to a person by looking straight into the eye, the eyes do a lot of talking and the other person is assured of the complete attention.

Looking away shows lack of interest and often disrespect when it comes to professional spheres. If you want to attract people, look straight into the eye.

Related: 8 Deep Questions To Ask Yourself If You Keep Attracting Toxic and Manipulative Partners

(6) Listen to others and be a good story-teller yourself:

According to Bernard Ferrari, listening to others results in the development of good insights.

When you listen to a person carefully, you show respect to that person and the speaker reciprocate.

Simultaneously, if you are a good story-teller yourself, others will listen to you. Story-telling has been prevalent in our society since ancient times.

All of us love hearing stories. Being a good story-teller ensures you have people eagerly waiting to listen to you.

Related: 17 Uncomfortable Signs You’ve Finally Met A Good Guy

(7) Use your body to do the talking:

Body gestures are a good way of impressing people. According to psychologists, movements of hands, or legs or facial expressions create positive and negative impacts on others.

Instead of talking too much, a slight gesture can make you extremely attractive like the way you ruffle your hair or the way you sit or the way you pick up the fork at the dining table.

Our gestures, our attitude, our way of talking and similar such elements reflect the person who we truly are. Positive attitudes which involve love and respect for others get reflected in these attributes and help us attract people easily.

So try to focus on them and spread positivity around.

References
- Baumeister, R.F., 1999. The nature and structure of the self: An overview. The self in social psychology, pp.1-20.
- Tresselt, M.E. and Leeds, D.S., 1953. The Einstellung effect in immediate and delayed problem-solving. The Journal of General Psychology, 49(1), pp.87-95.
- Rabin, S. and Lagowski, B., 1993. How to attract anyone, anytime, anyplace: The smart guide to flirting. Penguin.
Self Development

Women Should Stop Putting Marriage Ahead Of Career

New research demonstrates, ONCE AGAIN, that women actively undermine their own careers because it’ll hurt their marriage prospects.

Every day, I hear about or read another piece of research that supports how women participate in their own subjugation, often unconsciously. It makes me so angry that these things are still being found today. I get beside myself when I learn that yet another behavior women have is undermining their careers, their livelihoods, and their independence.

All right, my headline is a little sensational. Of course, women are free to choose marriage over a career if they so want. But forthcoming research by Harvard economists shows that women trade-off their career ambitions to remain “marriageable”.

Basically, single women responded to questions differently if they thought a man would see the answers or participated less in class when there were men in the room.

Single women who thought their answers would be seen by men lowered their desired salaries by 18k a year, on average. Single women who thought their answers would be seen by men decreased how many hours they said they wanted to work every week, or days they wanted to travel every month.

Read 10 Reasons Why More Women Are Steering Away From The Concept Of Marriage Nowadays

If the women thought their answers were anonymous, they responded like the married/non-single women, with higher salaries and more ambitious careers.

And we’re not talking about any old random women here. We’re talking about MBA students. We’re talking driven, ambitious women who chose business, a notoriously masculine field, as their career path.

Quoting the article in HBR:

While extrapolating to other settings is beyond the scope of this paper, elite female MBA students are a select group, one that presumably places a higher value on career success than the general female population does. This suggests that the effects of marriage market signaling are perhaps even larger in other contexts.

Okay, let’s unpack this.

The researchers found this effect in FEMALE MBA STUDENTS WHO CARE ABOUT THEIR CAREERS AND ARE, BY DEFINITION, AMBITIOUS.

If female MBA students reduce their apparent ambitions and decrease their class participation and assertiveness in the presence of men, what does it mean for the rest of us?

Another quote:

Our analysis of participation grades indicated that unmarried female students had substantially lower class participation grades than married ones.

Single women are literally shutting themselves up because it might cost them a partner. Because we know, from a study done in 2007, that men prefer women who earn less and who are less ambitious than them.

I want to note that this study apparently didn’t control for sexual orientation (the full thing isn’t published yet, but the article doesn’t mention it and probably assumes heterosexuality.) Do bisexual, queer or lesbian women undermine themselves to the same degree as the heterosexual ones? The article doesn’t answer that question — and I would be curious to see.

Even though women have access to all kinds of careers that were unheard of only 30 or 40 years ago, we still have this stupid, ingrained, socially normative idea that we should somehow make ourselves lesser than in order to please men.

We should make ourselves quieter.
We should make ourselves less successful.
We should make ourselves more available.
We should make ourselves less ambitious.
We should make ourselves less leader-like.

We should make ourselves always less, always weaker, always smaller, always non-threatening to the poor men who can’t handle the fact that a woman could be more successful than him.

This is an empirically observable fact, not only borne out of social feminist theory but out of the scientific method of psychology and behavioral studies. Not that feminism needs more studies supporting its stance, because, OMG, like, where have you been? but we have yet another confirmation of our subjugation and our own participation in the system that oppresses us, that forces us to achieve less than our full potential.

At the end of the article, the authors suggest that more research is needed to develop interventions to reduce or eliminate this effect.

Here are some suggestions:

REDUCE THE IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE, CELEBRATE SINGLE WOMEN

Men do not feel like they must give up anything for marriage. Women are asked, constantly, to give up things for marriage, potential earnings being only one of them.

If only we reduced the importance of marriage in a woman’s life, maybe more women would feel free to make choices that work for her, not for her and a future maybe husband.

And given that half of today’s marriages end in divorce, is it really worth risking future career prospects on, literally, the flip of a coin?

Let’s stop telling women that they have to get married, or else. Let’s stop telling women that “they’re getting old” and “they will have to settle if they let themselves go” and that having your assets contractually attached to another person, based on something like love, is somehow necessary for a fulfilled life.

Apparently, being single was the common denominator for women diminishing themselves. Let’s stop making that a factor.

Let’s celebrate single women, poly women, queer women, women who refuse to marry, women who prefer friends with benefits. Marriage is fine if you want it, but you have to want it. It shouldn’t be a necessity for social status and success in life.

Read 5 Ways To Love and Embrace Your Single Life without apology!

IMPLEMENT TRANSPARENT SALARY POLICIES, STOP MAKING MONEY A TABOO SUBJECT

You know what is the biggest driver of salary differences between men and women? The fact that women don’t know how much men in equivalent positions make.

Unions have transparent salary policies, where everyone knows what everyone else is making because it’s in the contract. That way, it’s quasi-impossible to cheat and give men more than women in similar positions.

Corporations have a lot of power over salaries (and the power to pay men more) because salaries are generally secret. Forcing transparency (or even more radical, salary parity where EVERYONE makes the same amount—if the business is successful, everyone wins!) will blow open the pay gap between men and women and make it much easier to fight.

Money is such a taboo topic. When’s the last time you asked someone what they made? It’s the height of rudeness to ask, yet if we do not ask, how are we to uncover inequality and discover our shared state of exploitation?

SUPPORT WOMEN WITH AMBITIONS

Everyone is allowed to be as ambitious, or not, as they wish. But ambitious women more often criticized for their ambition than men.

In women, ambition is a negative trait. It makes her “pushy”, “demanding”, “shrill”. In men, the exact same behaviors make him a leader, a visionary, a dedicated employee.

Let’s support women with ambition. Let’s hire our women freelancer friends, buy things from our women crafts makers and artists, and shop at our women-owned stores. Let’s read our women friends’ articles, essays, and books.

Let’s give our money to women-led companies. Let’s encourage businesses who make gender parity a value, and demonstrate their dedication to it.

Read Women Who Remain Single For A Long Time End Up Being The Happiest

Support women with ambitions, because they have a fucking uphill battle.

Senior women executives are asked, in front of junior board members, to fetch a drink for the chairman. Pew Research lists about a million things that stop women from reaching the top ranks of business and power.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired.

I’m tired of being told that my life is less worthy, less valuable and less meaningful than that of a man because I happen to have female genitals.

I’m tired of being told, over and over again, that my appearance is more important than my mind, that my relationship status matters more than my achievements, and that my ability to bear children trumps my ambitions.

I’m fucking tired of being a second-class citizen, someone who has to fight twice as hard for every client, every hour charged, every pitch sent, every paper submitted.

So, ambitious women, for the love of whatever deity you believe in (or not), please stop putting marriage prospects ahead of your dreams. Be mindful of your attitudes and behaviors around men.

Are you willingly diminishing yourself, your achievements, and your ambitions, simply to appear more desirable to potential mates?

Written By: Anabelle Bernard Fournier
Self Development

Staying calm in the midst of chaos is the most advantageous move you can make.

You may or may not know that I live in Palm Bay, Florida. It’s a coastal town that borders the Atlantic ocean.

As a result, I have a bit of experience in preparing for life’s hurricanes (quite literally!).

And each time a hurricane rolls into town, I become even more aware of energy exchange and the importance of staying calm.

Ultimately, how we react to situations translates into our reality. Freaking out causes more accidents, stressors and problems.

Staying calm allows us to prepare mindfully and deliberately without distraction.

Read How to be Patient – Staying Calm Under Pressure

As a Law of Attraction coach and someone who is pretty “mellow” most of the time, even I can get swept up in the chaos if I’m not focused on keeping myself balanced. The preparation for Hurricane Irma has been a reminder of this to me this week.

Driving around my town the past couple of days I’ve seen quite a few car accidents and people running into other problems and conflicts. My thoughts? Stress from the hurricane (which isn’t here yet) is leading some people to real-time problems and dangers in the present moment.

So today, I’d like to share some things I’ve come to learn about dealing with collective fear and panic. Should you ever find yourself in the path of potential danger, I hope these lessons I’ve learned will be helpful to you.

Lesson 1: Know the difference between YOUR fear and THEIR fear

Many of us are highly intuitive and empathic. This is a gift, as it helps us understand each other quite well!

However, in the face of a “threat,” you will often come to notice that your fear meter can get triggered to a higher-than-usual level, simply by being around groups of fearful people.

For example, in preparing for a hurricane you may find yourself at the grocery store picking up supplies like water and bread.

Circling the store you may notice that your heart-rate and excitement level start to elevate, as you pick up on the fear generated from the collective group around you.

Bearing witness to other people racing around, their concerned faces and fearful voice tones can alert your empathic senses to the anxiety pulsing through the collective.

If we aren’t mindful of this, we can easily take on other people’s fear as our own.

So in situations like these, I’ve found it’s quite helpful for me to stay grounded in public. Perhaps pop in some earbuds with some soothing music or do some slow deep breathing.

Walk slower, rather than faster. Set the pace for being calm rather than getting sucked into the tide of panic.

And if need be, take a break from the public. Sometimes it’s best to remember if the disaster is still off in the distance you have time to relax. Take a nap, meditate or do something fun for a little bit.

Lesson 2: Remember, you only create from the NOW

Here’s another thing that is always very helpful for me to remember: Reality is constructed now, and only now.

When we try to “figure things out” too much we play into our anxieties and worries. This causes our vibrational energy to dip and puts us at risk for more real-time problems like I mentioned above.

If a threat isn’t literally at your doorstep right this very minute, then it hasn’t yet been created to be at your doorstep. Anything can still happen, including a favorable outcome.

By obsessively planning and replanning and discussing your possible strategies at length, you start playing the “worry game.”

So, when a threat appears to be looming, here’s my rule of thumb:

Do what you know you need to do to feel safe in the NOW, and make your decisions based on real-time feedback.

In other words, if it feels like NOW is a good time to stock up and prepare, do it. If it feels like NOW is the time to prepare for an evacuation, do it.

However, if you aren’t sure yet whether or not it is the right time to evacuate, relax. It isn’t time to figure it out then. Give yourself permission to make the decision when it needs to be made.Speculating when you still feel quite uncertain on which route to take will only cause greater anxiety.

Additionally when the moment to decide is NOW, do your best to make your plans based on this important question: “which direction brings me more relief?”

Do you feel more relieved with the idea of staying put, or do you feel more relieved with the idea of leaving? Trust your feelings and your gut, they will steer you properly if you listen to them. Jim Cantore does his best to help, but he’s got nothing on your intuition when it comes to guiding your own life.

Avoid making decisions based on what other people think or believe. They need to follow their guidance, but it is equally important that you follow yours!

If you continually make decisions based on what feels right to you in the NOW you will be guided to a reality that feels right. That’s how the LOA works.

Ultimately, you just don’t know if an “impending threat” is really a danger to you until it comes knocking. Staying the course with your decision-making will put you on the best trajectory to align with a reality that is safest for you.

Lesson 3: Clear out your calendar if possible.

Blazing forward in an attempt to be superman or superwoman and get everything in your regular life accomplished in addition to your preparations will likely cause overwhelm.

Of course, if you’re having an easy week, no problem! But if you suddenly find yourself in a situation you feel you must prepare for, it can be helpful to dial back on the productivity to keep your energy balanced.

In other words, if you have some appointments you can cancel or reschedule, why not do them later at a better time? If you have a project you were hoping to complete right now, why not complete it later when you have better clarity and focus?

If you have the luxury of taking a day off from work, why not use it now?

Give yourself the freedom to detach from the productivity grind. This will allow your more time for rest and relaxation, which you may be in need of if a threat or danger has you feeling tense or worked up.

Lesson 4: Make self-care a top priority.

I’ve noticed over the years that when life’s hurricanes approach, many of us often revert into self-soothing (but destructive) behaviors.

Suddenly, we start overindulging in our vices and addictions in an attempt to self-soothe. This may be temporarily relaxing but often leaves us feeling worse in the aftermath.

I’ve found that when a hurricane is rolling in, it has been helpful to me to try to eat foods I think are good for me, to allow myself plenty of time to sleep and to take care of my body.

This isn’t to say there are hard and fast rules on what you should eat or how you should behave. Rather, simply to ask yourself: how could I treat my body in a more self-loving way right now?

Taking care of your body during times of “crisis” will help you establish a more positive state of mind.

Read The Importance of Rest In Our Physical, Spiritual and Emotional Health

Lesson 5: Share the love.

Now, if you make a habit of each of the things above, it’s likely you’ll find yourself staying calm despite the chaos.

If you find this to be the case, share the love!

The people around you who are scared and stressed are doing the best they can. Even if they’re driving like crazy people, acting erratic or behaving “inappropriately,” they can’t really be held responsible right now. Fear makes people do crazy things.

So if you find yourself in a fairly balanced place bearing witness to someone who is having a harder time than you, share good vibes with them. Offer to help them, hold a door for them or let them past you.

Smile at them, or simply offer a positive thought to them silently in your own mind.

While the fear of the collective has the opportunity to “catch you,” so does your positive energy have the opportunity to “catch them.” Radiating love and compassion to the people around you can make a huge difference.

Alright, well that was a lengthy article for me, but I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading, and if you have any thoughts on this you’d care to share please comment below.

Sending my love and peace to anyone out there who could use it.

XO, Andrea

Andrea Schulman.

Law of Attraction Educator
Self Development Zodiac Signs N Secrets

Are you curious about how much confidence each zodiac sign possesses? Discover the champions of self-belief as we unveil the confident zodiac signs ranked!

Confidence can work wonders for your self-esteem, regardless of your appearance, style, or communication skills. However, not everyone is born with it, and some may struggle with feelings of insecurity.

But fear not! We’ve delved into the world of astrology to uncover the most confident zodiac signs and, on the flip side, those who may struggle with their inner confidence.

So, get ready to meet the zodiac signs that exude self-assurance and those that may need a little boost in the self-confidence department!

Related African Zodiac Signs: The Most Primitive And Accurate Astrological Guide

Confident Zodiac Signs Ranked: Who Reigns Supreme?

Here is a list of confident zodiac signs ranked from the most to least:

1. Leo (July 23 – August 22)

With unwavering self-assurance and an aura of regal power, the proud lion takes the crown as the most confident zodiac sign.

Fearlessly pursuing their passions and goals, they never settle for less and always strive for greatness.

Underestimate them at your own peril, for they have no time for those who cannot keep up. From acing exams to conquering life’s challenges, the lion reigns supreme in the realm of confidence.

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Leo, The Untamed Fire Sign

2. Scorpio (October 24 – November 21)

In the world of zodiac signs that are confident, Scorpio comes next to Leo with their unapologetic self-love and unwavering pride.

They carry their flaws with confidence and couldn’t care less about what others think of them. Their approach to life is straightforward – love themselves first and deal with the world second.

And if you do happen to cross a Scorpio and they get angry, trust that they have all the reasons in the world to back it up.

Whether it’s a perceived injustice or a slight on their ego, Scorpios don’t hold back when it comes to expressing their frustration.

But their unyielding confidence and self-assured nature ensure that they always come out on top, no matter the situation.

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Scorpio, The Ambitious Water Sign

3. Capricorn (December 22–January 19)

Capricorns are the kings and queens of self-love and flaunt their good looks and intelligence with unabashed confidence.

They radiate an air of flamboyance and extravagance, and their self-assured nature can leave others in awe.

But don’t be fooled by their glamorous exterior, because Capricorns also have a deep-seated love for solitude.

They don’t give much weight to others’ opinions and will keep on focusing on themselves, whether they are accepted or not.

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Capricorn, The Disciplined Soul

4. Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)

Sagittarians are known to possess an innate sense of self-assurance and are often viewed as the life of the party.

Their exuberant and adventurous nature, coupled with their devil-may-care attitude, make them one of the most confident zodiacs.

They are unafraid of exploring new horizons and taking risks, and their unwavering self-confidence allows them to push past any obstacles that come their way.

With their infectious energy and unwavering sense of self, it’s no wonder Sagittarians are often admired for their boldness and resilience.

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Sagittarius, The Fiery Archer Sign

5. Pisces (February 19–March 20)

Despite being one of the most empathetic and friendly zodiac signs, Pisces often struggle with their confidence.

They are the life of the party, charming and charismatic, and can strike up a conversation with anyone. However, when they are alone, their insecurities and self-doubt start to surface.

But don’t be fooled by their occasional self-doubt. Pisces is still one of the most confident zodiac signs out there.

They have an innate ability to bounce back from setbacks and failures and always try to find the silver lining in every situation.

Their positive attitude and willingness to help others make them an invaluable friend to have. So, if you ever need a boost of confidence, just seek out a Pisces and let their infectious energy lift you up!

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Pisces, The Gentle Water Sign

6. Aries (March 21–April 19)

Aries is the epitome of a strong-willed individual who would never let anyone see them as vulnerable.

When life gets tough, they have a weapon in their arsenal – sarcasm. They wield it like a sword to deflect any doubts or negativity thrown their way, and it works like a charm.

They exude a powerful energy that draws people towards them, and their confidence is contagious.

Aries don’t give a second thought to what others think about them, they know their self-worth, and that’s all that matters. They are the most confident zodiac sign and will never let anyone bring them down.

Related: Aries Personality: 15 Things You Need To Know About The Ram Sign

7. Taurus (April 20–May 20)

Taurus, the bull, might seem confident on the surface, but beneath it lies a different story.

They often try too hard to prove their intellect, seeking validation from their peers, which hints at their hidden insecurities.

In truth, Taurus is more insecure than they are confident. It’s as if they’re battling their own inner demons, trying to prove something to the world and themselves.

Related: 10 Secrets About Taurus You Probably Know Nothing About

8 Libra (September 23–October 23)

Libras have an insatiable appetite for compliments. They crave attention and validation from everyone, whether it’s their closest friends or complete strangers.

They’re so insecure about themselves that they’ll go to great lengths to receive positive feedback.

In fact, it’s not uncommon for them to create multiple social media accounts to interact with as many people as possible and feel great about themselves.

Despite their efforts to maintain an image of confidence, it’s clear that Libras rely heavily on external validation to feel good about themselves.

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Libra, The Idealistic Air Sign

9. Gemini (May 21–June 21)

Geminis are known for their friendly nature and their eagerness to please everyone. They thrive in social situations, and the thought of being excluded from the group is unbearable to them.

Their insecurity and lack of confidence can cause them to suppress their true thoughts and feelings.

They fear that if they reveal their true selves, they may face rejection from their peers. As a result, they often find themselves sugar-coating their interactions with others.

They may compliment a friend’s outfit, even if they don’t like it, or agree to go to a restaurant they dislike, just to please their friends

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of The Misunderstood Gemini

10. Cancer (June 22–July 22)

Cancer is often seen as the emotional sign of the zodiac. They are highly sensitive to their surroundings, and their emotions can get the better of them.

They are known for their tendency to get hurt easily, especially when they feel that their expectations are not met.

Despite this, Cancer is also known for their strong intuition and ability to empathize with others.

They are highly attuned to the needs and feelings of those around them, and they are often seen as natural caregivers.

While they may struggle with their own emotions at times, they have a unique ability to provide comfort and support to those who need it.

Related: 12 Personality Traits Of Cancer, The Cardinal Water Sign

11. Aquarius (January 20–February 18)

Aquarians often present themselves as perfectionists and appear to have everything under control.

They strive to project an image of having a perfect life, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Deep down, they are struggling to find happiness and contentment in their own life. Their need for validation from others leads them to seek attention and recognition for their achievements, making them feel good about themselves.

However, this behavior only masks their insecurities and highlights their need for external validation.

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Aquarius, The Progressive Air Sign

12. Virgo (August 23–September 22)

Virgo is considered to be one of the most insecure zodiac signs. They are terrified of being called stupid or revealing their weaknesses and flaws to anyone.

In fact, they avoid conversations in the beginning because they fear being judged. No matter what situation they are in, Virgo is bound to find a negative aspect in everything.

Due to their insecurities, Virgos have a constant need for control and order in their lives. They believe that by creating a sense of order and routine, they can avoid any unexpected situations that might expose their flaws.

This need for control often makes them come across as uptight and overly critical of others, but it’s really just a reflection of their own inner fears and anxieties.

Related: 10 Personality Traits Of Virgo, The Mercurial Earth Sign

Insecurities are a part of human nature, and everyone deals with them differently. While some may use humor or sarcasm as a coping mechanism, others may seek validation through compliments or constantly trying to impress others.

It’s important to recognize and understand our own insecurities to overcome them and become more confident individuals.

At the same time, it’s interesting to note how the zodiac signs differ in their levels of confidence, with some being the most confident zodiac signs ranked higher than others.
Self Awareness Self Development

Experiencing a distinct sadness in your soul sometimes, even when everything is going ‘fine’ in your life, can be mentally painful.

Have you ever felt alone in a crowd?

Felt like a misfit even when the world seems to cheer you on?

Woken up early just before sunrise from a disturbing dream and been unable to shake off the emptiness?

Have you ever wondered about the pointlessness of your very existence, or what the point to all your striving is?

Do you get too close to people very quickly, and then get disappointed even quicker by them?

Do you feel inadequate no matter what your achievements are, and feel the need to keep proving yourself over and over?

Do you feel angry, sad, and scared all at the same time and take it out on those closest to you? And then hate yourself for being that way…?

Stop. Inhale. Exhale… deeply.

And know you’re not alone.

There are many others who feel just like you, and the reason for your emotional ups and downs may be, unsurprisingly, buried deep in your childhood.

The Child Within

Freud said that all our personalities are shaped by the time we are four years.

Which leaves an awful weight of responsibility in the hands of parents.

Who, let’s face it, is nowhere near perfect, and are shaped by their own experiences, cultures, thoughts, and influences… many of which are not conducive to positive child-rearing.

And the little helpless child is thus often neglected or becomes a social accessory or a base to build up parental dreams…

Related: Why Healing your Inner Child is Crucial for Self-Growth

All of it leaving the defenseless child, who is without recourse to any other reference points or support, scarred and traumatized, and who then internalizes all this pain.

From late stage bed-wetting and thumb sucking to self-harm and suicide, the spectrum of the suffering of the child within can be broad and extreme.

The Adult Now

Abused children eventually grow up and eventually leave home, but they carry that internalized pain around bandit expresses it in a variety of toxic ways.

They will become attention-seekers, thrill-seekers, hedonistic at one end of the spectrum, or they may be introverted, withdrawn and afraid at the other end of it.

Some may jump from one end of the spectrum to the other depending on the situation. But all of them will be hurting deep inside, often without even realizing it.

The uncomfortable feelings from childhood have been normalized. And yet they know, somehow, just somehow, that they are not quite right within themselves as they lock up the suffering child into a cycle of silence and pain.

The Voice Within

There’s a part of every human that just knows right from wrong. And while denial is a much more comfortable state to live in, one can’t help but tune into that persistent nagging voice inside us.

That voice which tells us perhaps our parents were/are not all they are cracked up to be.

That the ‘happy families routine’ we strive to create with them somehow always goes awry.

And that friends, no matter how loving, don’t fill that empty space in our hearts.

Related: 8 Ways Reparenting Yourself Can Help Heal Your Inner Child

As children, it’s impossible not to love our parents, or want validation from them, and as adults, we can waste an entire lifetime trying to give ourselves the childhood we never had.

And this happens by the simple act of never acknowledging that we had it bad as a young child.

This lack of acceptance keeps us imprisoned in the cage of pain that was built for us years ago when we were unable to build anything for ourselves.

The Actions Now

But we CAN build for ourselves now. That’s the beauty of being an adult. So stop. Inhale. Exhale. Deeply. And recognize that much as we may love our parents, they are, ultimately, just like us.

Flawed and prone to terrible mistakes. The worst one of which was not loving us the way we wanted and so desperately needed. Again, there’s a spectrum.

The odd spank, the harsh word, the denied request, or the scolding… these can be forgotten.

But if one, or both, of our parents, put their needs before yours, were critical in the extreme, neglectful of our desires and talents, violent or otherwise abusive… then we are left feeling all those awful feelings we described in the beginning.

And that is no way to live life.

Changing your pain to peace will be a life-long process, especially if there were narcissistic influences within the family set-up.

And a little soul-searching will help you see that there is no reason to tolerate abuse just because it comes from family members.

One of the worst things to happen to society everywhere is the assumption that family should be loved just because they are family.

This is a complete fallacy for simple rules of decent human conduct that would mean they need to earn our love and respect, just like everyone else has to, and vice-versa.

So! Take stock and acknowledge the child within.

He or she is begging to be heard over the thunder of childhood abuse and neglect. Take responsibility and give that child the help he or she deserves.

Be it talking your experiences through with a spouse, or a friend, or a therapist… even your parents if you think they will listen and hear you out.

Related: How to Heal Your Inner Child That Is Blocking You For Love

Though in most cases of severe neglect it is unlikely that the parent will have the self-awareness to offer closure to a child, and that just opens the wound further; so sometimes walking away bravely may be your only option.

But closure can happen, and resolution will be found, but the first step is acknowledging the root of your hurt, and the sadness in your soul – that those who were charged with your care and emotional well-being failed you in a very significant way.

The realization will help you understand that even if you can’t change the history of your inner child, you can do a lot for the future adult and you can truly make the sadness in your soul a thing of the past.