Star in the sky

Not sure if I’m doing this right but its 2am and I’m laying here not knowing what I’m feeling. Am I brokenhearted, do I feel peace, what do I feel, what should I feel? Met him when I was 13, we had a thing for each other, he was 16. I was madly in love with him, but we went our own way.

He joined the military and as years went on without hearing from him, I started a family and rushed into marriage with someone I did not love. Years I spent wondering what happen to the guy I had a crush on in high school.

I divorced and at the 15th year mark from last hearing from my high school crush I found him. He and I found each other at a very delicate time in our  lives, it was the perfect timing too.

He would write me from overseas almost on a daily basis when the Wifi was working. When he came to the states we reunited and I hadn’t felt so alive in years. I had the best time ever. My heart felt brand new and I felt like that teenager who had fallen in love with him in high school, he was no longer a school boy and I was no longer a little girl he was a marine and I was just the happiest woman in the universe.

He had to go back to the middle east, he had a lot going on especially after his wife had put in the divorce papers while he was in Afghanistan, while he was in the states im guessing they worked things out without me knowing, all meanwhile I was buying him a star, I planned on giving it to him while we went on a date again, I planned on pointing it out but i didn’t get to see him anymore, somethings had come up and I didn’t get the chance to see him during the days he wanted too.

He left, so I held on to the gift decided to give it to him for his birthday instead , that would have given enough time for him to do whatever he had to such as go through with the divorce, I emailed him a link where he could visit a page to see his star since I knew I wouldn’t see him again. He said thank you and he would check his email once he got to work.

I waited for a response and I heard nothing back. Did he like the star ? did he get the email? what if he didn’t like it? every question popped in my mind, days turned into months then a year. I would try and email him and  nothing except on his birthday when all he said was thank you.

Well here I am 4 years later looking up at the star I chose for him, seeing his name everywhere, sometimes i think they are signs for me to wait on him.

Today I got sent a picture of him and his wife happy and in love, shes beautiful…. It hurt me, but to me that’s my closure, seeing the man I have been in love with for the past 20 years with his wife that he obviously worked things out with.

That’s it, my fairy tale has ended he found his happily ever after and that is not me. That’s the closures I’ve needed all these years, why couldn’t he say goodbye to me back then why?

I’m just happy I can turn the chapter and move on with my life. The star in the sky will forever remain as a memory of the scar left on my heart by the man I thought was my forever.

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