Married Men And Women Confess Why They Stopped Having Sex with Each Other
$ex is an integral part of any romantic relationship. Most couples crave love and intimacy while they are at a marriage or a live-in relationship.
But things can get untoward in a cozy relationship with a partner unwilling to have sex or with other problems cropping up. The romance and passion may lose its sheen and the lust for more seems a thing from the past.
Here are 15 excerpts why people in relationships have fallen apart due to lack of Sex:
Case Study 1:
“We’ve been together since the mid 80s, so there’s that. I still find her very attractive, but she has 0 interests.
Until last fall we were still doing it, but over the past four or five years it had gotten to the point where I could tell she was only doing it for me, and I began to feel as though I was essentially raping her.
I never forced myself on her, but her lack of enthusiasm (to the point of curling up when facing me so I could not see or touch her breasts or vagina) made me feel like a total creep. I was frank with her.
She claims she wants to continue, but I just don’t believe it.
If I made her dinner every night and she hardly touched it, over time I would get the impression she didn’t like my cooking.
Why make the effort if it’s not wanted?
That’s how I feel. So I’m done.”
Here are 5 parts that are why she is refusing to get intimate with you. Read Is She Refusing To Get Intimate With You? Access These 5 Things
Case Study 2:
My wife has been like this since I’ve known her, it being much worse as time passes. We’ve been together 16 years so not as long as yourselves, but there have always been issues there, so I guess I’ve been wrestling with the feelings that you are getting from here for at least a decade or so.
That feeling of ‘raping her’ I’ve had that happen several times, where they are verbally encouraging you but their body is straining to eject you from its premise.
Even when things are working there is always a forearm or leg or something providing constant back pressure against me to clear her space. That feeling that you are never quite invited in.
She is completely unaware she is doing it unless I point it out, and even then she struggles to stop pushing away, it is basically a reflex. Anyway, for a long while I felt like shit about myself.
Like I remember my ex’s when I was younger how they were basically an instrument I could play skillfully to make them play all sorts of notes, my wife is basically like some puzzle box filled with traps that will snap shut if you make one millimeter of movement in the wrong direction.
I don’t know if you guys have talked about it at all or tried to get to the bottom of it. After many years of being good talkers I think I at least get to the mental process going on there.
For her it stems from a horrible body image. In high school before I knew her she had an eating disorder, and since I’ve known her she has never had any eating issues (thank god for me) the mental process of someone with an eating disorder is firmly installed.
She is disgusted by her body. So the thought of having her clothes off already is a big issue.
In her day to day she will use a towel while changing after a shower so she doesn’t have to see herself.Just a glimpse will put her in a bad mood, so having to do that to be intimate is already the first nail in the coffin.
Now when you are pleasing your partner and kissing them anywhere?
Well, it draws attention their attention to their body. If you hate everywhere on your body, you aren’t making them feel good, but instead making them aware of everything they hate about themselves. Foreplay is torture, not fun.
On top of this your wife loves you. She hates what she is doing to you, because she can see and feel your frustration. She wants to be the woman you want her to be, to just do this thing that should be easy, but she can’t.
This is what my wife is going through in her head. Everybody is now conditioned for disaster in the bedroom.
Turning up emotions you bury during the date, confronting your hurt body image, disappointing your husband, the feeling of not being able to be ‘normal’ for him, that one hour TV program certainly sounds like a nicer way to de-stress than dealing with all that.
This is basically my life. I have no clue how to turn off my desire to be intimate, nor do I know how to turn off my frustration, or stop feeling down and angry when an increasingly long period of time passes without intimacy.
Meanwhile, I don’t know what to do when I do feel angry or hurt when I get pushed away one more time, she gets pissed off at me for being over sensitive because she doesn’t even notice that she is shoving me off her even from a casual hug, so to her it looks like I randomly fly off the handle for no reason.
And her anger is just frustration at herself, like she screwed up again, more fuel for the fire of self-hatred. Thing is we work really well as a couple and friends up until it is time to be intimate.
So, the bedroom’s broken. Alright, well, nothing else is, and there is a lot of stuff in that other stuff that could suck, but it doesn’t here.
It has always been this way with us, so close, yet so far really. So my way of dealing with it is, well increasingly sophisticated porn on one end, and well, being resigned, stop imagining it could be better and pretending it sucks so much, stop blaming that as a reason anytime I’m upset, all that.
Live my life, don’t let that define me.
I don’t know why I vented so much it just felt so similar to my situation and the feelings I’ve had over the years about it. My advice to you might be that you have a foundation of it all working to go on, so something’s happened with her, something’s changed.
I think if you seek professional help, and try to talk to each other without being angry about what you want, you can get to the bottom of it, you guys can fix it, and you guys can get back to it.
I know you can that history you have, it’s there, and it isn’t gone. I will tell you what sucks is you can’t dump the anger you have on her; you can’t make her feel bad, even though she is ripping your soul out.
There reason you can’t is that you are just going to pile on to the issues she has; you already have seen that it doesn’t work.
You need to save that anger and rage for your friends and the internet, because it has to come out, but it won’t be productive in healing.
I say this full well knowing that I have failed at this many times, but it is the goal to strive for.
I am very willing to bet the issue has nothing to do with sex or you, and everything to do with whatever your wife is currently though, loss of control, self-doubt, hormonal change, alteration of medications/birth control.
But have a talk, head this off, you can fix it. I know you can.
Case Study 3:
That sucks. It’s awful. But thank you for writing this and helping me to remember some of the harder times with my recent ex, as I sit here feeling lonely and thinking about her.
She would do the “verbally encourage, but reject physically” thing as well, so I just kind of turned off to our $ex life, which was not healthy at all for us as a couple
Case Study 4:
We got married and had kids.
Case Study 5:
“Easiest way to scale back your $ex life? Get married.
Easiest way is to reduce it to twice a year? Have kids.”
Case Study 6:
My wife decided three years ago sex is too ‘icky.’
Case Study 7:
“My wife decided three years ago sex is too ‘icky.’
No discussion no easing into it. Nope, not anymore!’
Our marriage isn’t going well.”
Case Study 8:
He likes to finger keyboards more than my vagina.
Case Study 9:
“Simply put, we hate each other and cheat regularly, but we also have a dynamic that nobody can ever replace and love each other for that.”
Case Study 10:
“My wife has so many excuses for us not having sex that I can’t name them all.
Every suggestion I offer to help her get into the mood—shot down.
About to hit the three-year mark for no $ex, and next week is our 10th anniversary.”
Case Study 11:
“Honestly we’re both just not attractive anymore. Better to masturbate”.
Case Study 12:
I’m not in love anymore and I want out.
Case Study 13:
“We’re both on anti-depressants which have totally messed with our $ex drives.”
Case Study 14:
“We’re both on anti-depressants which have totally messed with our $ex drives. We’ve been together 11 years and we were both on them before we met.
She has never really had much of a sex drive and I did a little bit but I’ve gotten on more pills in the last few months which has driven it down a little.
She can have orgasms, which I’m thankful for, so when we do have longer sex sessions, it means more and I don’t feel inadequate about being the only one getting anything.
When I was in school last year we went on a big stretch from September until December without doing it and even after then, we’ve probably done it 3-5 times.”
Case Study 15:
“My ex used to use $ex as a way to get what she wanted”. Used to use it as a tool to manipulate (She’s a certified narcissist) after about a year together I caught on.
I completely stopped initiating $ex I would go rub one out. She could come to me whenever she wanted but I would never initiate.
This went on for 4 years before I figured out you can’t have a relationship with a narcissist. It’s all given, no give and take.”
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