Making Adult Friends Is Hard: Here Are 40 Reasons Why

Written By:

Written By:

Reasons Why Making Adult Friends Is Hard 2

Let’s face it: making adult friends is hard. No matter how successful, sorted, and mature you might be, adult friendships can be tricky to form, handle, and navigate sometimes.

In recent research published in Personality and Individual Differences, researchers conducted 30-minute semi-structured interviews with 20 participants in a university laboratory seeking to discover what makes adult friendships difficult to create.

Once the interviews were complete and coded, an open-ended survey on the matter was conducted on 108 new participants to further probe and validate the responses given in the semi-structured interviews.

The following 40 reasons were revealed, structured into six broad categories.

Related: How To Make Friends As An Adult: 7 Useful Tips

40 Reasons Why Making Adult Friends Is Hard

Introversion

  • I am introverted
  • I feel embarrassed when meeting new people
  • I do not speak easily to people I do not know or have just met
  • I am shy
  • I expect others to take the first step
  • I am not social
  • I do not meet many new people, because I do not associate much with others
  • I do not open up easily
  • I do not feel comfortable for others to know things about me
making adult friends is hard

Fear of rejection

  • I fear rejection
  • I think about what others might think of me and I get anxious
  • I fear that others will judge me negatively because I do not have many friends
  • I am worried that I will not be accepted
  • I find it difficult to communicate with others
  • I find it difficult to figure out what I need to do in order to start a friendship
  • I am insecure
  • I do not think I make a good first impression

Pragmatic reasons

  • I have a disability that makes it difficult for me to socialize
  • I have a health problem that prevents me from socializing
  • I have psychological problems that prevent me from making friends
  • I live in a country whose culture is different than my own, which makes it difficult for me to make friends
  • I am in a tight-knit group of friends that prevents me from making new friends.
  • I live in a place with few inhabitants and I do not meet new people

Related: 4 Tips For Making Female Friendships As An Adult

Low trust

  • I do not trust others easily
  • I am cautious
  • I am suspicious
  • Lack of trust due to bad past experiences
  • I feel that others approach me with a purpose other than friendship
  • I am very selective with whom to make friendship
  • It is difficult for me to find people who are really interested in friendship

Lack of time

  • Lack of time
  • I work long hours and have no time for friendships
  • I devote all my time to my partner and have no time for friendships
making adult friends is hard

Too picky

  • I do not feel like making new friendships
  • My age: I feel I have grown old enough to start new friendships
  • I do not easily give others the opportunity to become my friends
  • I easily reject people as potential friends
  • It is difficult for me to find people with who we have common interests
  • I find it difficult to find people who match

Related: Making Adult Friends Is Work: 7 Simple Ways To Make Friends As An Adult

A follow-up study conducted with 622 participants (with a mean age of 33.7 for women and 34.1 for men) revealed that among the 40 reasons, the most important factors in the prevention of making friends were “low trust,” followed by the “lack of time” and the “introversion,” further discovering that “low trust” was a primary driver for women in comparison to men.

Older participants were more likely to find a lack of time and pragmatic reasons preventing them from making friends, in line with evolutionary reasons.

Want to know more about why making adult friends is hard? Check this video out below!

References:

Apostolou, M., & Keramari, D. (2020). What prevents people from making friends: A taxonomy of reasons. Personality and Individual Differences, 163, 110043.

Written By Mariana Bockarova Ph.D.
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
Reasons Why Making Adult Friends Is Hard pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

6 Easy Ways to Reconnect With an Old Friend (Without Making It Awkward!)

Easy Tips To Reconnect With An Old Friend Without Making It Awkward

We all have that one friend we used to be close with—the person we laughed with, shared secrets with, and made countless memories with. But over time, life happens. People move, schedules fill up, and before you know it, months or even years have passed without a word. If you’ve been thinking about reaching out but feel nervous about how to start, you’re not alone. Reconnecting with an old friend can feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be.

The good news is that most friendships don’t disappear—they just pause. Today, we talk about practical and natural ways to reconnect with an old friend making things awkward.

6 Ways To Reconnect With An Old Friend

Up Next

10 Fun Galentine’s Day Ideas for the Best Night With Your Girls!

Ways to Make This Galentine’s Day Unforgettable

The most heartwarming day of the year is upon us – no, not Valentine’s Day. We’re talking about Galentine’s Day! Falling on Valentine’s Day eve, this day is all showing some love to your besties, your ride-or-die crew, the ones who keep you laughing and grounded.

If you are on the hunt for some fun ideas to bring you and your girlfriends even closer together this Galentine’s, keep reading!

10 Ways to Make This Galentine’s Day Unforgettable

1. Host a Brunch Party

Up Next

7 Key Questions You NEED to Ask Before Trying to Be Friends With Your Ex!

Can You and Your Ex Be Friends? Questions to Help You Decide

Can you and your ex be friends? It’s a tricky question, and the answer isn’t the same for everyone. While movies and TV shows make it look effortless, real life is much more complicated. Sometimes, staying friends is a way to hold on to the past. Other times, it creates unnecessary pain and confusion. But in some cases, a true friendship is possible—if both people have healed and set clear boundaries.

Before deciding, it’s important to be honest with yourself. Are you hoping for something more? Would staying in touch bring you peace or heartache? True friendship requires emotional clarity, and that starts with asking yourself the right questions. The ones ahead will help you figure out if staying friends is a healthy choice—or if it’s better to let go.

<

Up Next

BFF Quiz: What Kind Of Bestie Are You Really?

BFF Quiz What Kind Of Bestie Are You Really 2

What kind of friend do you think you really are? Are you the dad/mom friend, or the therapist friend? Are you the fun one always planning adventures, the go-to for advice, or the chill buddy everyone loves to hang out with? Take our BFF Quiz and find out!

We all have that unique vibe that makes us different and our friendships special, and this best friend test is here to reveal yours. So, are you ready to discover what type of friend are you, or rather, what type of best friend you are?

Make sure you are answer all the good BFF questions honestly, and before we get to the BFF quiz, let’s talk a bit about friendship.

Related: The Top 10

Up Next

The Top 10 TV Duos Who’ll Give You Major Friendship FOMO

The Top TV Duos Wholl Give You Major Friendship FOMO 1

Ever find yourself binge-watching your favorite TV show and suddenly thinking, “Wow, I wish I had a friend like that!”? You know, the kind who’s always up for an adventure, shares your weird sense of humor, and somehow always manages to be there right when you need them? Well, you’re not alone! TV has given us some of the most iconic duos that are so cool, so relatable, and so perfectly mismatched that they make us yearn for a friendship that’s just as fulfiling.

In honor of National Friendship Day, we are here with the ultimate list of iconic TV best friends who’ll make you wish you were a part of their squad.

10 Iconic TV Best Friends We All Adore

Of course, no one replaces your girls, but there’s something extra-special a

Up Next

How to Recognize a Real Friend vs. a Fair-Weather Pal

Signs You Have Found A Real Friend 1

You’ll meet a lot of people in your life, but finding a real friend is a bit like finding a needle in a haystack. They’re not just about having someone to hang out with or share a laugh. They are the ones who really get you, the ones who stick around through thick and thin, the one who bring out the better version of you. The ones who make all the ups and downs of life way more meaningful.

But while real friends are hard to come by, fortunately, they are not that hard to spot. Today we’ll discuss the 7 telltale signs of a real friend, so you’ll know exactly who’s worth keeping close.

7 Signs Of A Real Friend

Having a real friend by your side is nothing less than a blessing, which is why you need to hold on t

Up Next

4 Hidden Perks Of Having A Best Friend At Work

4 Hidden Perks Of Having A Best Friend At Work

Having a best friend at work is not just about having fun during lunch breaks or discussing the latest office gossip. It is a valuable relationship that can support you during stressful times. Learn how to make work friends if you’re struggling to!

According to Research, ​work friends are crucial for your health​. This is because positive relationships foster shared purpose and accountability that pushes us to strive for excellence.

So without further adieu let’s learn the main benefits of having a best friend at work. Let’s go!