It’s done! You’ve signed the papers and now you’re divorced. It may be heartbreaking for you or may be relieving. Or may be a bit of both. No one gets married thinking about getting divorced later. But now that it’s done, it’s time for you to reinvent yourself and build a new and better life.
Divorce is difficult, painful, heartbreaking and so many other unpleasant things.
It changes your lifestyle, your parenting, and even your sense of self. It can bring you lower than you’ve ever been before. Yet, if you’re determined and choose to be brave, rebuilding a life after divorce can be one of the best things you’ll ever do.
When you were married you changed.
Over time, all married couples do. They change in big ways and small ways. Some changes are great for the marriage and great for the spouse making them. Others are great for the marriage but hard on the individual.
Chances are you made big changes and small ones during your marriage. Some of those changes were probably good for you and some … not so much.
And it’s those changes that were hard on you that you can now examine as you’re contemplating rebuilding a life after divorce.
Now that you’re divorced, you have the freedom to adjust how you’re living. You don’t have to continue living as you did in your marriage. You don’t have to continue making the large and small compromises that felt as if you were giving away parts of yourself for the sake of your marriage.
Granted, this isn’t easy. The freedom may not feel great. It may actually feel scary and lonely because the relationship you built your life on is gone. But, remember, so are the uncomfortable constraints.
And without those constraints, now it’s your opinion that matters most. You’re the one you need to please. You’re the one you need to take care of.
This can feel like you have a lot of new responsibilities. And, truthfully, you probably do. But it’s because of these responsibilities and the freedom that accompanies divorce that you can create a new life for yourself.
Rebuilding a life after divorce is about pleasing and support you. It gives you the opportunity to rediscover the bits and pieces of yourself that you gave up or ignored for the sake of your marriage. It also gives you the space to discover new interests as you regain your sense of personal identity.
It’s when you begin looking at the positive possibilities ahead of you that you’ll be on the path toward turning the devastation of your divorce around.
When you start planning for your future, you’ll begin understanding how your divorce might be allowing you to finally start being you again – strong, confident, and happy. Even if you felt that way during your marriage, the new you, the post-divorce you can be even stronger, more confident and happier because you can now be true to yourself without compromise. – if you’re determined and courageous enough.
Becoming a better version of yourself after divorce takes determination and courage. You’ll be the one making the decisions about how you live and the experiences you want to have. Yet each and every decision you make has the potential to bring you closer and closer to living your best life. And having the power to be your best self is pretty amazing.
Is rebuilding a life after divorce easy? No. It will be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done. But, when you make the effort and take the time to create a life you love, you’ll know that every tear you cried and every bead of sweat along the way was totally and completely worth it.
Written by Dr. Karen Finn
Originally appeared in Dr. Karen Finn
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