“I hate my mom!”. As a teenager, you might have yelled this quite often whenever you didn’t get your way. But now you’re a full blown adult, it’s mother’s day 2025, and you still carry that resentment. So, what to do when you hate your mom?
First things first – ditch the guilt. If you’re a fully functioning grown up who is responsible and sincere, then harboring anger toward your mom must have some reason behind it.
It’s one thing to say “I hate my mom” under your breathe, when she doesn’t allow you to go to a concert on a school night or when she forbids you to date a much older bass player, and it’s completely a different story when you in your mid 20s or late 30s feel a strong sense of hatred toward her.
We grow out of our rebellious years and start seeing our parents’ perspective better as we age. We often feel remorse for our earlier outbursts toward them when we were raging with hormones and finding our way into the outside world.
However, some of us carry this anger or hate toward our moms way into our adult life; even when we’re parents ourselves. And this is not a misplaced anger; there’s a good reason for our resentment.
So, you’re not alone. But that doesn’t make your situation any less hard, does it? Mothers are supposed to be a figure of unconditional love, care, affection, nurturance, safety, and comfort. They’re supposed to leave a strong positive influence on your life.
And so when your reality differs from this universally accepted notion, you find yourself murmuring “I hate my mother”.
As helpless kids, we solely depend on our mothers for our survival, nourishment, and every need. This leads us to have a strong and intense bond with our mother, making us see them as an ideal role model, not as fallible human beings.
However, if your mom has deliberately hurt, abandoned, or mistreated you, you have valid reasons to feel negatively about her.
Recognizing the complex reasons behind this feeling of hatred is the first step toward healing and finding peace and empowerment.
Read: How To Not Be Like Your Mother: Heal Your Childhood Wounds Before It’s Too Late
Why Do I Hate My Mom
Here’re some valid reasons why you might hold grudge against your mother and can’t help but feel “I hate my mom!”:
- Toxic Behavior: Persistent criticism, physical or verbal abuse, or emotional manipulation can erode the mother-child relationship.
- Abandonment: An absent mother can instill a feeling of rejection, neglect, and abandonment in the child.
- Unmet Expectations: When a mother fails to provide the support, love, or understanding a child needs, it can lead to resentment.
- Emotional Abuse: Experiences of shaming, blaming, emotional detachment, or other forms of emotional abuse can have lasting impacts.
- Boundary Violations: A lack of respect for personal boundaries can cause feelings of suffocation and anger.
- Projection of Personal Issues: Mothers dealing with their own unresolved issues may inadvertently project them onto their children.
- Inconsistency: If a mother is not persistent or predictable with her parenting, it can make a child anxious, insecure, confused, and feel a lack of structure.
Recognizing these factors is crucial in validating your feelings if you struggle to understand “Why do I hate my mother?”
However, this is only the first step. You need to bring the focus back to yourself if you do not want your hate to consume you whole.
What To Do When You Hate Your Mom
If you say to yourself “I despise my mom”, here’re some ideas on what you can do to unpack those heavy emotions and reclaim your life:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s essential to accept your emotions without judgment or guilt. Suppressing or denying them can lead to further distress and unhealed trauma.
2. Identify Specific Triggers
Reflect on particular actions or patterns that elicit strong reactions in you. Understanding these triggers can provide clarity and direction.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries can protect your emotional well-being. This might involve limiting certain topics of conversation or reducing contact with your mom.
4. Seek Professional Support
Therapists can offer guidance tailored to your situation, helping you process emotions and develop coping strategies.
5. Engage in Self-Care
Prioritize activities that promote your mental and physical health. This can include exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness practices. Book a spa day, unplug, and disconnect from the world if Mother’s day triggers negative thoughts.
6. Consider Open Communication
If safe and feasible, discuss your feelings with your mother. Expressing your perspective can sometimes lead to mutual understanding.
7. Build a Support Network
Surround yourself with individuals who respect and support you. Trusted friends or support groups can offer comfort and perspective.
8. Educate Yourself
Reading about family dynamics and emotional health can provide insights and validate your experiences.
9. Practice Forgiveness (When Ready)
Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning harmful behavior. Instead, it’s about releasing the hold these negative emotions have on you.
10. Evaluate the Relationship
Assess whether maintaining a relationship is beneficial for your well-being. In some cases, limited or no contact might be the healthiest choice.
Read: 8 Dysfunctional Patterns In Toxic Mother-Daughter Relationships And How To Heal From Them
Moving On Feels Liberating
Even after being disappointed or hurt by their mother, children keep on hoping that their mom will soon treat them lovingly like a mom should, and when it doesn’t happen, it gives birth to an intense negative feeling – hate.
If you have been abused, mistreated, manipulated, or abandoned by your mother, who was responsible for protecting your every need, your feelings are valid.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While we strive for accuracy, we do not guarantee the completeness or reliability of the information provided. Readers should always seek guidance from a qualified mental health professional for any concerns regarding their mental well-being.
Mother’s day can trigger deep buried questions and unsettling answers about your mom. Remember that there are many who are going through the same experience as you.
Identifying the core issues behind your hate and bringing the focus back on your self-care, empowerment, and growth will help you stop asking yourself “Why do I hate my mom”, and start living your life to the fullest, which you have always deserved.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What should I do if I don’t like my mom?
If you frequently feel dismissed, disrespected, or undermined, it’s important to acknowledge those emotions and seek support—whether from trusted friends, family members, or a mental health professional. Setting clear boundaries and having honest conversations with your mom about how you feel can also be a constructive step forward.
Why do I have so much anger towards my mum?
People often feel angry toward their mothers if they’ve been mistreated, neglected, or harmed. Mother-child relationships are inherently complex—which can make these conflicting emotions even more difficult to process.
Why do I have a difficult relationship with my mother?
Perhaps she was never emotionally available or failed to meet your emotional needs. Maybe it’s hard to love her because of past mistreatment. Whatever the reason, if you’re struggling with your feelings toward your mother, therapy can be a valuable resource for understanding and healing.
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