How To Keep Your Relationship Alive After The Baby Arrives

You literally only need a minimum of 6 seconds and a maximum of 10 minutes in order to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives.
Babies are a blessing – but they’re also hard work, which leaves less time and energy for your relationship. If you’re looking for ways to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives, it can be reassuring to know that it doesn’t have to be complicated or take hours – it can be done in simple ways.

When you commit to small actions, you’ll enjoy your relationship so much more (and possibly, even your baby!), because you’re not simultaneously stressing out about your partner. You’re adoring them.

Here are 4 ways to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives:

1. Share a 6-second long kiss.

Sexual intimacy often falls by the wayside in the early stages of parenthood. If you’re looking for ways of injecting energy and passion into your relationship or marriage – one good way, that keeps the fire burning, is sharing a six-second long kiss.

Relationship expert and researcher, John Gottman, says that in order for the kiss to feel romantic, it needs to be six seconds long. Any shorter and it won’t have the same amorous effect.

Sharing one kiss a day that’s six seconds long will boost the romance and make sure to keep your relationship alive – even when your baby is stealing most of your time and energy!

2. Schedule alone time – for yourself and your relationship.

Babies take up a lot of our time. They need to be fed, changed, and put to sleep round the clock – meaning, there’s little time for anything else.

Even if this can’t be avoided, just ten to fifteen minutes a day with your partner, or half an hour per week, can do wonders for your connection.

Manage expectations by both committing to simple things – going for a walk and holding hands, watching a funny youtube clip, reminiscing about fond memories. It doesn’t have to be expensive or flashy. The important thing is that you prioritize each other and connect. 

Taking care of your own needs is also paramount to your relationship’s happiness.

Esther Perel, the noteworthy Belgian psychotherapist, talks about the importance of cultivating your own identity as a means of preserving the heat in your relationship.

She means that sexual desire exists in the space between us, and in order for that space to survive – we need to hang on to who we are as individuals.

Read Intimacy With Others Starts From Within

As the time for yourself doesn’t magically appear when you have a small baby, you need to work at prioritizing it. And just as with time for your relationship, it doesn’t have to be hours – even ten minutes to yourself, where you focus on you and what you want, can be enough.

3. 60 seconds of intimacy, 3 times a day

Another way to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives is by committing to sixty-seconds of intimacy, three times a day. This intimate one-minute moment doesn’t have to be sex or even lead to anything remotely sexual.

Read This Is What Makes Intimacy More Important Than Sex

The only requirements for this exercise are that these 60 seconds are moments you two share together, and don’t involve any practical talk, like who’s putting baby to sleep or who’s going to do the washing up.

Examples might be:

• sharing a moment holding hands,
• gazing into each other’s eyes,
• having a cup of coffee together.

It’s truly that simple!

If you do this three times a day, every day, you’ll likely find you’ve hacked the code to keep your relationship loving.

4. Remind each other that this too shall pass.

When it’s tough, and it invariably is with a baby, take turns reminding each other that it won’t always be like this.

When you’re rolling the pram indoors at 3 A.M. because your baby just won’t sleep, or you’re wiping yourself down after yet another spit-up session – it’s easy to forget that this won’t always last.

By telling each other that this too shall pass, you’re bringing yourselves out of the negative headspace and into a, slightly more, positive one.

It doesn’t mean the struggles all stop – it does, however, offer some temporary relief from the negative, catastrophic thoughts racing around your brain.

At the same time, you and your partner are offering each other emotional support, helping you both get through this as a team. This boosts emotional intimacy and is a helpful way to keep your relationship alive after your baby arrives.

Keeping The Spark Alive Doesn’t Have To Be Difficult

When things are hard we tend to feel like the solution has to be complicated. When it comes to getting through the baby years with your relationship intact – it can be simple.

In order to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives, you only need a minimum of six seconds and a maximum of ten minutes, per day. That’s it. In this time, you can either share a six-second long kiss, share sixty seconds of intimacy three times throughout the day, or give ten minutes to yourself or your relationship. By doing this you’ll be able to keep the fire burning and grow your emotional connection.

Good luck!

Originally published on Therapy by Leigh.