You literally only need a minimum of 6 seconds and a maximum of 10 minutes in order to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives.
Babies are a blessing – but they’re also hard work, which leaves less time and energy for your relationship. If you’re looking for ways to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives, it can be reassuring to know that it doesn’t have to be complicated or take hours – it can be done in simple ways.
When you commit to small actions, you’ll enjoy your relationship so much more (and possibly, even your baby!), because you’re not simultaneously stressing out about your partner. You’re adoring them.
Here are 4 ways to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives:
1. Share a 6-second long kiss.
Sexual intimacy often falls by the wayside in the early stages of parenthood. If you’re looking for ways of injecting energy and passion into your relationship or marriage – one good way, that keeps the fire burning, is sharing a six-second long kiss.
Relationship expert and researcher, John Gottman, says that in order for the kiss to feel romantic, it needs to be six seconds long. Any shorter and it won’t have the same amorous effect.
Sharing one kiss a day that’s six seconds long will boost the romance and make sure to keep your relationship alive – even when your baby is stealing most of your time and energy!
2. Schedule alone time – for yourself and your relationship.
Babies take up a lot of our time. They need to be fed, changed, and put to sleep round the clock – meaning, there’s little time for anything else.
Even if this can’t be avoided, just ten to fifteen minutes a day with your partner, or half an hour per week, can do wonders for your connection.
Manage expectations by both committing to simple things – going for a walk and holding hands, watching a funny youtube clip, reminiscing about fond memories. It doesn’t have to be expensive or flashy. The important thing is that you prioritize each other and connect.
Taking care of your own needs is also paramount to your relationship’s happiness.
Esther Perel, the noteworthy Belgian psychotherapist, talks about the importance of cultivating your own identity as a means of preserving the heat in your relationship.
She means that sexual desire exists in the space between us, and in order for that space to survive – we need to hang on to who we are as individuals.
As the time for yourself doesn’t magically appear when you have a small baby, you need to work at prioritizing it. And just as with time for your relationship, it doesn’t have to be hours – even ten minutes to yourself, where you focus on you and what you want, can be enough.
3. 60 seconds of intimacy, 3 times a day
Another way to keep your relationship alive after the baby arrives is by committing to sixty-seconds of intimacy, three times a day. This intimate one-minute moment doesn’t have to be sex or even lead to anything remotely sexual.
The only requirements for this exercise are that these 60 seconds are moments you two share together, and don’t involve any practical talk, like who’s putting baby to sleep or who’s going to do the washing up.
Examples might be:
- sharing a moment holding hands,
- gazing into each other’s eyes,
- having a cup of coffee together.
It’s truly that simple!
If you do this three times a day, every day, you’ll likely find you’ve hacked the code to keep your relationship loving.