If you’re reading this, chances are you’re wrestling with a question: Should I really be staying friends with my ex? Maybe you’re hoping that if you stick around, they’ll miss you. Maybe you think if you play it cool, they’ll realize what they lost and come back. Or maybe you just don’t want to face the pain of cutting ties completely. That feels too final, too scary. So, staying friends feels like the safer choice.
But have you stopped to ask yourself why? Why are you holding on? Is it really about friendship, or is it about keeping a door open that should probably be closed? If you dig deep, you might find that your decision is rooted in fear—fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear that you weren’t enough.
The truth is, staying friends with an ex isn’t always the healthy or right move. It depends on the situation, your emotions, and your true intentions. So before you make that choice, let’s talk about the dos and don’ts of staying friends after a breakup. Because the last thing you want is to trap yourself in a cycle of pain just because you’re afraid to let go.
Read More: 15 Signs You’re Still in Love With Your Ex
The Dos and Don’ts of Staying Friends With an Ex
The Dos
Do be honest with yourself.
Before you decide to be friends with your ex, ask yourself why. Is it because you truly value them as a person and believe you can have a meaningful friendship? Or is it because deep down, you’re hoping they’ll change their mind and come back?
If your real motivation is to keep them in your life out of fear of losing them completely, you’re not actually being a friend—you’re holding onto hope. That hope can keep you stuck in a cycle of pain, waiting for something that may never happen. Be brutally honest with yourself about your true intentions so you don’t end up hurting yourself in the long run.
Do set clear boundaries.
A friendship with an ex cannot function if old patterns remain. If you continue texting them all day, calling them when you feel lonely, or relying on them for emotional support, you are not really moving on.
To truly understand how to be friends with your ex, you must redefine what your connection looks like. That means no flirting, no acting like a couple, and no crossing emotional or physical boundaries. If one of you is still behaving as if nothing has changed, the friendship won’t be healthy. Clear limits help prevent unnecessary confusion and pain.
Do take time to heal first.
Rushing into a friendship immediately after a breakup can do more harm than good. No matter how strong you think you are, breakups bring pain, confusion, and emotional wounds that need time to heal. If you force yourself into being friends with your ex too soon, you may end up pretending to be fine while silently suffering inside.
Instead, allow yourself space to process the breakup. Distance yourself, focus on your emotions, and only revisit the idea of friendship when you genuinely feel at peace. Healing isn’t about ignoring the past—it’s about accepting it without feeling the need to hold onto it.
Do focus on your own growth.
Breakups, while painful, can also be opportunities for growth. Instead of focusing on how to maintain a connection with your ex, shift your attention to improving yourself. Take this time to rediscover your passions, try new hobbies, reconnect with friends, and work on personal goals. A healthy friendship with an ex can only exist if both people have emotionally moved on.
If you’re still measuring your worth through their presence in your life, then staying friends with an ex isn’t about friendship—it’s about fear. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself, and let the friendship naturally find its place rather than forcing it to exist.
Do be prepared to walk away.
Not every ex is meant to stay in your life, and that’s okay. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the friendship becomes toxic, unbalanced, or simply too painful. If being friends with your ex is doing more harm than good, you need to be strong enough to let go. A real friendship should bring peace, not emotional turmoil.
If the connection is one-sided, confusing, or keeping you from moving forward, walking away might be the best thing you can do for your own well-being. It’s not about bitterness or hatred—it’s about self-respect and choosing what’s best for your future.
Read More: 4 Self-Loving Things You Can Do When Your Ex Blocks You
The Don’ts
Don’t use friendship as a way to get back together.
If your real reason for staying friends with an ex is to keep the door open for reconciliation, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s tempting to think that if you stay close, they’ll realize what they lost and come back. But real love doesn’t require manipulation or proximity—it comes naturally when two people truly belong together.
If your ex wanted to be with you, they would be. Don’t turn friendship into a waiting game, hoping they’ll eventually change their mind. That’s not friendship—that’s denial. Let go of any hidden agendas and accept the reality of the breakup.
Don’t let the friendship stop you from moving on.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when being friends with an ex is allowing that connection to keep them emotionally stuck. If your friendship is preventing you from dating other people, healing, or feeling truly free, it’s not a real friendship—it’s an emotional crutch.
A friendship should add value to your life, not keep you trapped in the past. If staying friends with an ex is keeping you from opening your heart to new possibilities, it’s time to reconsider if it’s worth it. You deserve to move forward and find new happiness.
Don’t ignore your emotions.
You may tell yourself that you’re “fine” being friends, but are you really? If every time you see their name pop up on your phone your heart skips a beat, or if you find yourself overanalyzing every conversation, you might not be as okay as you think. Suppressing your emotions only delays healing.
Be honest about what this friendship is doing to you. If it’s causing confusion, pain, or resentment, it’s a sign that you need more space before trying to be friends. A friendship that constantly triggers negative emotions isn’t really a friendship—it’s an attachment issue that needs to be addressed.
Don’t get jealous of their new relationships.
A true test of whether you’re really friends with your ex is how you feel when they start dating someone new. If the thought of them being happy with someone else makes you uncomfortable, angry, or hurt, you’re probably not ready for this friendship. Being a real friend means wanting the best for them—even if that best doesn’t include you.
If you can’t handle their new relationships, take it as a sign that you still need time to fully move on. You don’t need to pretend you’re okay with something if it still stings—give yourself grace to process your emotions.
Don’t be afraid to let go.
Many people hold onto their ex because they’re afraid of what life will look like without them. But letting go isn’t about forgetting—it’s about choosing yourself. If staying friends with an ex is making your life harder, let go with love and gratitude for the time you shared.
A new chapter can only begin when you’re brave enough to close the old one. Letting go is an act of self-respect, not failure. It simply means you recognize that your happiness and peace matter more than holding onto something that no longer serves you.
Final Thoughts
Figuring out how to be friends with your ex isn’t just about what you do—it’s about why you do it. Friendship should come from a place of genuine care, not fear, insecurity, or unfinished feelings. If being friends with your ex brings you peace and adds to your life, that’s great. But if it’s keeping you stuck, confused, or constantly hurting, don’t be afraid to walk away.
At the end of the day, your happiness and well-being come first. Whether that includes friendship with your ex or not is up to you. Just make sure that whatever choice you make, it’s one that truly serves you.
Read More: Why Do You Miss Your Ex Even After A Year? 5 Reasons
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is it healthy to be friends with an ex?
It depends on the situation and the emotional state of both people. If both of you have moved on and can maintain a friendship without lingering feelings, it can be healthy. However, if the friendship is preventing you from healing or moving forward, it may not be a good idea.
Can being friends with an ex lead to getting back together?
While it’s possible, it shouldn’t be the reason for the friendship. If you’re staying friends in hopes of reconciliation, you’re not truly moving on. A friendship should exist because you genuinely value each other, not because you’re waiting for them to change their mind.
What if my new partner is uncomfortable with my friendship with my ex?
It’s important to respect your new partner’s feelings. If they’re uncomfortable, have an open conversation about why. Sometimes, maintaining a friendship with an ex can create trust issues in a new relationship. If your ex is causing tension, you may need to set priorities.
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