“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” ~ Mike Mchargue
It is preposterous to love someone under the hope that they will change to a person we like them to be. It is best not to entertain such thoughts, right from the onset of the relationship.
Loving someone is much more than the romantic feelings. It means acceptance in entirety including those things which we don’t particularly like. It means celebrating every bit of that person.
Most of the relationships begin and develop on the hope that the person we love would start or stop doing certain things that pleases us.
Truth be told, this is not love.
It is, in fact, trying to mold someone our way as per our likes.
We are far from loving someone, when we try to change them. In reality we want to love the person that we want them to become, a different individual, a different personality, not the one we behold at the moment.
It is much similar to altering a garment that we like but one that does not fit us perfectly. We want to shape and trim the garment so that it can give us the desired look- like we want to eliminate the features in the person and transform them into someone who can be suitable to our state in life.
It is true that we want things our way, but love demands more. It should be unconditional, and it is not that easy. Love itself is a daring thing to do. It’s not for the weak hearted, the selfish and the self-centered. So, if you dare to love, dare to love for what a person is.
Expecting someone to change as per our terms cannot correspond to love. We do that when we have no idea about the person we want to be with— their past, their present, their life experiences and where they are headed to. It simply means we don’t have any understanding of their journey. Pressurizing them to make changes would distort their path which they have chosen to grow. We can end them screwing their lives completely.
It’s not love and you must know it.
Why not love someone without the expectation that they would be what we want them to be? Let’s love them knowing well, our object love has their mind and consciousness and will grow beautifully but into something very different.
Do we want to be poked at every step? Can we feel loved or wanted if someone told us they would love us more if we dressed in a particular manner, or didn’t mix with opposite sex, or didn’t laugh or speak so loudly or as we do?
No, we can’t? Most of us would not want to do anything with that person.
So, wait is vital. Don’t rush. Don’t be too prepared to be swept away by someone who wants us to change the way. Instead fall for the person who doesn’t want us to change but understands our journey.
We will grow they know, but differently.
You know you have the best relationship when there are no rules, no conditions. Each one in that relationship has the full freedom to move in the direction their heart desires.
This doesn’t mean not giving a damn about what we think about our partners or what they think about us. It is about loving so well, that both of us can inspire each other to grow. But when two people are tied to each other in a way they feel free, they don’t let their egos to control a person.