There comes a time in everyone’s life when they think about giving up on love.
For a long time now, they have been doing everything that they can do to find the person of their dreams – online dating, being social at parties, asking friends to set them up, etc. And, even if they meet someone, that someone doesn’t turn out to be the person for them.
It’s exhausting, this dating game, and at times it seems hopeless. But I am here to tell you that it’s not!
Before you give up, there are some things that are important to do to set yourself up for finding the love of your life and being happy. I know that they work. I tried them and, 2 years in, I am living happily ever after!
1. Check yourself.
An important thing to do when you are considering giving up on looking for love is making sure that you are in love with yourself.
Many people seek love and affirmation from another person. It is only through their lover’s eyes that they can feel whole and happy. Only in the company of their person can they feel strong and confident and worthy of love.
Who, may I ask, needs this kind of pressure? Certainly not your person.
As a result, because we don’t love and know ourselves, our relationships fail.
So, if you are afraid that you may never find true love, take some time and get to know yourself. Take a good look at who you are in the world. What your goals and values are.
Get to know the person you are outside of relationships. Is there a part of that person who might need some attention? Would understanding that part of yourself and helping that part heal feel good?
After my divorce, I worked hard on figuring out who I was. I did lots of therapy, tons of yoga and took many long walks. I volunteered at a food shelter and learned the value of purpose and giving back. I spent time alone, not always by choice, but I learned to really appreciate it.
And then, when I was ready, I started my own life-coaching business and began public speaking. I renewed my sense of purpose and my self-confidence grew exponentially. It was then that I met my guy. And because of how I felt about myself, I was able to give myself fully to love without being clingy or needy. It felt good!
I know it seems daunting, getting to know ourselves and doing the work outside of a relationship but it is, I can promise, the most important thing that you can do to ensure that you will someday find real love.
2. Look away.
Sometimes, an important part of finding true love is to stop looking for it. Sometimes, the dogged pursuit of something only pushes it farther away.
Do you spend all of your free time thinking about your potential partner? Do you spend hours swiping right and left and engaging in conversations that go nowhere? Do you find yourself more often than not discouraged by your journey?
If this is the case, then perhaps it’s time to take a break and focus on something else. Perhaps you can dig into your work a little deeper or volunteer somewhere and make a difference. Perhaps you can train for a marathon or take that trip you have always wanted to take. Anything that would make you happy and feel fulfilled and allow you to do some of the work that I talked about above.
The benefits of giving yourself a break from dating are many. Not having that daily discouragement caused by dating can do wonders for your moods and your feelings of hopelessness. Doing things that you love can fill you up with that happiness that will allow you to attract happy people. AND, putting yourself out in the world will open you up to many new opportunities to meet other people. You never know, one of those people might be your person and you never might have met them with your eyes on your phone, swiping.