“Depression, is being sad and not remembering why.” – Atticus. This quote alone probably captures how depression truly feels, and why it’s more than just being sad.
Depression isn’t the saddest person in the room. Quite contrary actually, depression sometimes is the person you would have never expected. Along with trying to convince you they’re happy, they’re trying to convince themselves.
Depression isn’t that melancholy person, you don’t want to be around. Oftentimes, it’s the person everyone loves because the light they bring to a room is so bright but that’s only because they know darkness.
Depression isn’t the person screaming out for help. It’s the silent person dealing with battles they’re still trying to understand themselves.
Depression is doing everything you can, to hide it. Because there’s nothing glorified about it. There’s nothing beautiful about a bad night as you fall you your knees, in a silent scream, that no one hears because you’re alone and you need to be until you get through it.
It’s the sleepless nights as you lay awake at 2 am staring at the ceiling.
It’s that time of year, you just get a little bit sadder for no reason.
It’s the tears you don’t tell people you cry because you don’t really know why you’re crying, you just know you need to.
It’s the want and need to be around people but at the same time, you push them away.
Depression is watching across social media, everyone’s highlight reels and you know it’s not an accurate depiction of their life, yet you still compare yourself to them.
It’s the plans canceled last minute because you couldn’t muster the strength to get out of bed.
It’s your alarm going off in the morning and you just want to go back to sleep.
Depression is that cloud that doesn’t seem to go away ever. And even in those happy moments, you cling to, you know it’s still hovering over you. Depression waits. It creeps and lurks. It waits for the best day of your life and your happiest moment just so the next one can be your worst.
It’s the fear of such happiness because you know it’s bound to fade.
It’s every good day, that are few and far between and that’s what you hang onto.
It’s the struggle in explaining to people when they ask why are you depressed? You just don’t know and you don’t know how to fix it. It’s just a feeling you can’t shake but you’re learning to work through.
Depression are toxic habits or people you gravitate towards.
It’s drinking the way you do because at least for a moment your pain is numbed. You know the effects lead to being even more depressed the next day. And you know alcohol is a depressant but being numb helps sometimes.
Depression is the constant unbalance of things in your life.
It’s either over exercising and being at the gym for hours or staying in bed for weeks immobile.
It’s either sleeping too much or too little. But no matter what, you’re always tired.
It’s eating too much or just never being hungry. It’s someone asking, ‘When was the last time you ate?’ And you actually don’t know the answer.
It’s weight loss that people commend you for but you know even you couldn’t help it.
Depression is people asking if you’re okay and you don’t respond with ‘I’m sad.’ You simply say, ‘I’m tired.’
It’s the envy of looking at others and just wanting to be that happy. So you glamorize your own life so it appears that way.
Depression is overcompensating in relationships and trying too hard. You know you’re tough to deal with but there isn’t anyone you love more than those who accept you, as you’re still trying to accept yourself.