7 Signs You’re With The Wrong Partner

My clients often ask me, “How can I know that my partner is the right one for me?”

You have to start with knowing why you want to be in a relationship, and when it comes down to it, there are only two reasons people do this:

1. To get love, security, validation, and safety, or to have a child. Someone to complete you — to fill your emptiness and make you feel adequate and worthy.

2. To share love and companionship, and to grow emotionally and spiritually.

You need to BE the right partner before you can know if you’re with the right partner. That means you need to learn to love yourself, define your own worth, and fill yourself with love to share, rather than pursuing external validation. Ask yourself, “Am I filled with love to share, or am I needy and desperate to get love?”

If your intent is to get love rather than share love, then it’s likely that no relationship will ultimately be right for you. You have some internal work to do before anyone will be the right partner for you.

You don’t need to be “perfect” at loving yourself, but you do need to be working on learning to take responsibility for your own feelings of worth, adequacy, and safety.

If you fall into the second category (wanting to be in a relationship to give love and to grow), then ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is the person you’re with open to learning about themselves and about you?

Being open to learning how to love yourself and others — rather than being closed and defensive — is essential for sustaining a loving relationship. Partners cannot resolve conflict without being open to learning. The question to ask yourself is, “What does this person do in conflict?”

Some people can appear to be open and loving until a conflict occurs and then they get angry, withdrawn, resistant, or overly compliant. If they do close up, how long does it take them to open again? Obviously, if they get emotionally or physically abusive, they are not the right partner for you.

Being open to lovingly resolving conflict is essential for perpetuating a loving relationship.

2. Is your partner capable of caring, compassion, empathy, and acceptance for who you are?

If you find that your partner is incapable of feeling empathy, then he or she isn’t the right partner for you. A lack of empathy is one of the signs of narcissism.

3. Do you feel a basic spark of attraction? Do you like to be near this person? Do you like their smell?

If you do not feel physically attracted to this person within the first six months of the relationship, it’s likely an attraction will not develop. This person might be a good friend but not a romantic partner.

4. Does this person have a compulsion to win and be right?

This is the opposite of being open to learning and does not bode well for a relationship.

5. Do you share interests?

Can you do certain things together, or is there no overlap in what you like to spend your time doing?

6. Do you have common religious and political values?

Do you agree on topics like spending, parenting, eating, fitness, neatness, and punctuality? 

7. Does this person have any addictions that you find intolerable?

Alcohol? Prescription or recreational drugs? Food? sex addiction and/or porn? Gambling? Shopping or spending? TV, Internet, or video games?

When we love someone deeply, we love their essence — who they really are. But we all have an ego-wounded self, and the worst version of your partner needs to be tolerable to you. Don’t expect them to change. You get what you see.

If, when you go through this list, you find there are things that are not tolerable but you keep hoping they’ll change, you’re not with the right partner. You need to accept or leave. Expecting change will only lead to heartbreak.

Remember, you need to be the right partner to find the right partner. We attract at our common level of emotional well-being — self-abandonment or self-love. The better you are at loving yourself, the better your chance of attracting and sustaining a loving relationship.


Written by Margaret Paul, PhD
For information or to schedule a phone or Skype session: 310-459-1700 • 888-646-6372 (888-6INNERBOND) http://www.innerbonding.com

You may also like

6 Signs Of Untrue Love

If You Don’t Feel These 12 Things with Your Partner, It Isn’t Real True Love

Save Your Love For Someone Who Deserves It

6 Signs You Are in A Fake Relationship

You’re Only As Troubled As The Relationship You’re In

9 Good Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship

7 Signs You're With The Wrong Partner

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, but these languages aren’t designed for neurodiverse individuals – who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones don’t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, let’s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, it’s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why She’s the Best Girlfriend You’ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When you’re dating a tomboy, you’re in for a relationship that’s refreshingly different. She’s someone who’s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If you’re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision you’ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

How Playfulness Can Transform Your Love Life

How Playfulness In A Relationship Can Transform Your Love Life

Is your relationship feeling stale or distant? Wondering how to reignite the spark? Discover how bringing playfulness into your love life can create deeper connections and renewed passion.

Looking to revive a dying flame? Try the power of play.

Key points

The four types of relationship playfulness are other-directed, intellectual, whimsical, and lightheartedness.

Other-directed and intellectual are the most highly predictive of relationship satisfaction.

All types of playfulness are related to at least some facet of relationship well-being.

Up Next

7 Types Of Intimacy To Deepen Your Relationship

Ever wondered how to deepen your bond with your partner? Learning these 7 different types of intimacy in a relationship that can bring you closer in meaningful ways. Try it out now!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Intimacy is important, but how do we cultivate it?

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesn’t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So here’s pebbling love language – inspired by penguins. Let’s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTok’s ‘Meeting Someone Twice Theory’ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory – is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So let’s learn how the universe