So often the phrase, “We’ve been doing good for a few weeks now,” comes into play in an emotionally abusive relationship. This phrase is essentially implying that the few weeks have been “normal,” meaning an absence of fights or disrespectful outbursts from your significant other. That never lasts long, though. When the charade ends, the mental abuse starts all over again.
This cycle is vicious, and it is why most of us stick around in an emotionally abusive relationship and it’s because we hang on to those good moments for dear life. We want so badly to believe that the good moments are here to stay. But after almost believing that that person may have truly changed this time around, you’re suddenly let down all over again.
What we don’t realize is how many trust issues we are beginning to develop in our minds, we allow ourselves to be distant from trust and don’t allow ourselves to feel vulnerable. This behavior causes us to second-guess ourselves throughout the abuse, and we start to question what is right and what is wrong. Lines become blurred, and in a way, we sadly almost adjust to the abuse because we get used to it.
As a result of all of this, it’ll take a while to regain trust in yourself and to establish it in a future relationship. But if you are patient with yourself, and in time, find the right person, they will earn your trust and you will rebuild your strength to have faith emotionally, and in others.
3. Your self-esteem takes a huge hit.
If you’re hearing negative things about yourself time and time again from someone you love, your self-esteem becomes depleted and you become disgusted with yourself. It may be hard to regain self-confidence, but you 100% have it in you to do so.
You have to come to terms with all of the awful things that were said, and when those thoughts pop into your head, you have to block them out with positive ones. You have to remember why you’re good inside and out. The years of emotional abuse can make you feel less than what you are. “Worthless, fat, ugly, loser”….whatever was said, you need to block that shit out. Now.
All of those harsh, overwhelming comments and words, regardless of if they were subtle or discreet, still happened. They were put out into the universe, stinging your heart, making you unsure of yourself. You were manipulated. But you need to remember who you are, your self-worth, and your inner strength in order to overcome all of this.
4. You feel all kinds of emotions for still missing that person.
Victims of emotional abuse face a very rough roller coaster of emotions long after the emotionally abusive relationship has ended. The hard truth is that in spite of everything that person put you through, there will be days when you still miss them. You will remember all of the good, and you will ask yourself why things couldn’t have just remained good. Moreover, you will be frustrated and upset with yourself for missing someone who hurt you so much.
But it is okay.
It is completely normal to miss someone who used to be your entire world. It would almost be weird if a part of you didn’t miss them. Be patient with yourself. Let time do its thing and help heal your wounds and quiet the inner demons. Let yourself grieve, be sad and angry. Go through the motions. You will know when you’re ready to move on.