4 Ways To Get Emotional Closure In A Relationship, All By Yourself

Written By:

Written By:

get emotional closure in a relationship 1

Wanting emotional closure after the end of a relationship is natural, but unfortunately, itโ€™s not always that easy to come by. Sometimes, you need to get emotional closure in a relationship, all by yourself.

A couple of years ago, I got a quite unexpected email from an old boyfriend. Iโ€™d only talked to him once after a mutual friend had died โ€“ a conversation that had only focused on memories of that person and our own unique grief.ย ย 

He told me about something I said when we were both in college about what Iโ€™d learned was the best way to wash dishes. He laughingly said that he remembered that domestic advice from time to time when he was performing the dreaded chore.

The email ended with a sweet sentence about gratitude for our relationship.

I teared up when I read it. I returned the same kind of message to him โ€“ one of kind reminiscence and appreciation.

Of all the relationships Iโ€™ve had in my life, I can think of only two others that ended with that kind of respect. And although Iโ€™d tried, from my perspective, to achieve such closure in (especially) my two divorces, my efforts had been rejected.

Ironically, I realize that the marriages might not have ended had we been capable of such a conversationโ€ฆ but thatโ€™s hindsight.ย 

Read 10 Steps To Get CLOSURE When There Is None

If you long for emotional closureโ€ฆ

Many people long for this kind of emotional closure. This is true not just for divorce or other romantic relationships that end, but also forย friendships that sufferedย from misunderstanding or betrayal of confidences, or estrangement from a sibling or a parent. Even if there isnโ€™t hope for complete reconciliation, people can carry tremendous pain that a relationship that was once extremely vital in their lives didnโ€™t end respectfully.

Itโ€™s painful to recognize that people you once nurtured and sacrificed for, relationships that had incredible power in your daily life, are now gone without having a mutual understanding of the situation and its untangling.

โ€œI wish we could both talk about how our relationship suffered. Iโ€™m quite willing to take my share of the responsibility, but they refuse to talk. I havenโ€™t seen my parents in years.โ€

โ€œI hear that she blames me for everything. I want her to know that I really cared for her.โ€

โ€œHe just disappearedโ€ฆ I still donโ€™t have a clue what went wrong.โ€

What You Can Do to Get Closure On Your Ownโ€ฆ

There are things you can do to help yourself get the closure you need. It takes time and patience. But you can do it. Here are four ways for you to get emotional closure โ€” for yourself.

emotional closure

1. Realize That Not Everyone Has The Willingness To Take Responsibility For Themselves.

Often the conversation you can imagine having is just that. Itโ€™s in your imagination โ€” or your fantasy. The other person doesnโ€™t have the capacity to have an objective conversation with you. Theyโ€™re not withholding something from you; they simply werenโ€™t ever capable of doing that in the first place. You misjudged. You thought you could fix them. They preferย to blame you and live in that blame. Maybe theyโ€™re a narcissist and canโ€™t fathom their own culpability.

Thereโ€™s simply no way theyโ€™re going to sit down with you, and rationally and reasonably talk about the issues that ate away at your relationship.ย Youโ€™re only in control of half of that discussion. Trying to force wonโ€™t work. And you simply need to grieve on your own.ย 

Read How To Move On Without Closure From Your Ex

2. Quit Trying So Hard And Give It Time.

If someone is blaming and even vicious toward you, your attempts at fixing it by trying to change their mind are probably only fueling the flame. Your own anxiety will stay ramped up and youโ€™re feeding their antagonistic impulses with your attention, even though youโ€™re attempting to do the opposite. Give it time and give them some space. Maybe a cooling-off period is needed for them to realize that their anger isnโ€™t entirely founded.

Maybe youโ€™ll get closure. Maybe you wonโ€™t. Trust that you can live with both.

3. Maintain Your Own Integrity.

This lack of closure is especially hard if the two of you have children together, and will be amplified if your ex has an agenda to disparage you in front of the kids or maintain a blaming stance. You worry about how your kids will handle that, or is there a way to mitigate any damage done by your ex.

If itโ€™s a friendship or familial relationship that has deteriorated, it can feel awkward to maintain other shared relationships. You may choose to let some go, as others may feel the need to โ€œtake sides.โ€ The loss of the bond can alter the dynamics of the larger friend group or family situation. You may have to set a boundary.

You can grow to trust that who you are will shine through. Be mindful of your own integrity and donโ€™t be controlled by what your ex is doing or saying.

Guide your own life in a way that reflects your values. Your children will learn. Your friends will take sides or they wonโ€™t. If your biological family is not available, you can create your own family full of people you choose to have in your life.

Read 5 Steps To Heal An Emotional Wound

4. Make Sure Youโ€™re Moving Through Your Own Feelings.

Itโ€™s hard enough when relationships end that youโ€™ve valued or worked hard on. Add a lack of closure to that picture, and it can cause more complicated grief. As in all grief, try to notice whether or not youโ€™re moving through all the emotions of loss: denial, anger, fear, sadness. But take time to grieve.ย 

You can give yourself closure. And you can move on. Whatever shame or anger or disappointment you feel, you can let go.


Written By Margaret Rutherford
Originally Appeared On Dr. Margaret Rutherford
get emotional closure in a relationship pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Romance, Roast And Giggles: 50+ Best Relationship Jokes

Best Relationship Jokes That Prove Love is Hilarious!

Love is a rollercoaster, and when you have an arsenal of the best relationship jokes, it makes the ride even more fun! Be it a new romance, a long-term relationship, or you simply just adore some corny love jokes, these hilarious couple jokes will have you cracking up.

From dating disasters to hilarious marriage moments, relationships come with plenty of comedy material. Because letโ€™s be honestโ€”love isnโ€™t always candlelit dinners and sweet texts. Sometimes, itโ€™s forgetting anniversaries, stealing blankets, and arguing over where to eat.

So, hold on to your partner right, and enjoy these funny jokes about love!

Up Next

Break Up On Valentines Day? 16 Self-Care Tips When You’ve Been Un-Valentined

Break Up On Valentines Day? Self-Care Tips When You've Been Un-Valentined

The ultimate love fest is around the corner. For some, it’s the best day of the year, but for others, it’s when things fall apart. If youโ€™ve had a break up on valentines day or before, weโ€™ll give you some tips on how to mend your broken heart.

A breakup on the big day or before it, can feel like your entire world is falling apart and to be honest, itโ€™s the loneliest feeling ever because every tv commercial and nook and corner is filled with couples or about love.

So, we’ve got your back with a roadmap for handling break up on Valentine’s day and even thriving after. But before that let me tell you that this situation is not something youโ€™ll face alone, there are many more people whoโ€™ve got their heart broken as wellโ€ฆ

You’re Not

Up Next

7 Best On-Screen Couples Ranked by How Likely They Are to Stay Together

Best On-Screen Couples Ranked: Which Pair Will Last Forever?

Love on screen is pure magic. The stolen glances, the grand gestures, the dramatic reunions in the pouring rainโ€”itโ€™s the kind of romance that makes our hearts race and our eyes misty. But letโ€™s be honest, not all of these couples would actually last if they had to deal with, you know, real life. Bills? Stress? That annoying habit of leaving wet towels on the bed? Some of them would crumble faster than a rom-com breakup montage.

Thatโ€™s why weโ€™re taking a closer look at the best on-screen couples ranked โ€”but not just by chemistry or cuteness. No, no. Weโ€™re going deeper. Who would actually survive the test of time? Who would fight over the thermostat and call it quits? And who would grow old together, still making each other laugh after all these years?

Some love stories are built to last. Others? Wellโ€ฆ letโ€™s just say they be

Up Next

40+ Funny Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That Will Leave Him Cracking Up

Funny Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That'll Crack Him Up

If you want to keep the spark alive in your relationship, and fill your conversations with humor and laughter, then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to do a deep dive into some of the best and funny questions to ask your boyfriend.

Whether youโ€™re looking for funny questions to ask your partner during a road trip, a lazy Sunday, or just to break the ice, a little humor goes a long way. After all, who doesnโ€™t love a good laugh?

If you want to tease his goofy side, and get him to wrack his mind in ridiculously funny ways, then this list of questions will surely do the trick.

When it comes to funny questions to ask your partner to make him laugh, this is one of the sneaky ways to also get to know him better – his

Up Next

What Really Predicts Relationship Satisfaction?

Relationship Satisfaction Important Things To Know

Does good communication truly determine relationship satisfaction, or are there deeper factors at play? Letโ€™s explore the truth behind long-term happiness between partners.

The paradox of communication.

Key points

Timing and context matter as much as communication itself.

Simply improving communication might not be enough.

Mutual goals strengthen relationship satisfaction.

Up Next

Is the Romance Gone? What to Do When Your Partner Feels Like a Roommate

Does Your Partner Feels Like a Roommate? Hereโ€™s How to Fix It

When your partner feels like a roommate, the spark can start to fizzle, leaving the relationship stuck in autopilot. But donโ€™t worryโ€”there are plenty of ways to deal with emotional distance and bring back the excitement.

KEY POINTS

When partners feel like roommates, it’s a sign of a pattern of mutual emotional withdrawal.

Instead of leaning on each other, partners have been going to their separate corners, being hyper-independent.

To break this pattern, partners need to learn to take emotional risks: sharing their feelings and needs.

Withdrawing behavior is

Up Next

Which Romance Trope Are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?

Which Romance Trope Are You? Zodiac Romantic Love Tropes

Valentineโ€™s Day 2025 will soon be here, so have you wondered which romance trope are you like? Your zodiac sign might lead you to your perfect love story. Letโ€™s explore!

Maybe youโ€™re a passionate love, or perhaps a slow burn that evolves into something beautiful over time? Each zodiac sign has its own set of traits that align with some of the most beloved romance tropes.

From forbidden attraction, or the classic โ€œopposites attractโ€, thereโ€™s a love story that mirrors your zodiac essence. So, what romance trope are you? Letโ€™s dive into the stars and see the zodiac signs as romance tropes!

Read More Here: