Drowning in sorrow because your boyfriend morphs into someone else and becomes verbally abusive when drunk? Trust me, I feel you. I hear you.
The party vibe can turn into a verbal storm real quick. But here’s the twist – it’s not just the booze doing the talking. Alcohol may be the common culprit, but its effects on behavior are more intricate than we realize.
Reasons Why He is Verbally Abusive When Drunk
Picture this: a carefree evening, laughter echoing, drinks flowing – and suddenly, a storm of hurtful words erupts, leaving everyone stunned. If you’ve found yourself trapped in the whirlwind of a verbally abusive boyfriend when the alcohol starts flowing, you’re not alone.
The baffling truth is that alcohol often peels away inhibitions, revealing a verbally abusive boyfriend. But what’s the real story behind the verbal outbursts that echo long after the night ends?
These might be some reasons why he is verbally abusive when drunk:
1. He’s Got a Hide-and-Seek Emotion Game
Ever wondered why your boyfriend is verbally abusive when he’s drunk on a drink or two? Alcohol uncorks his hidden emotions. Those feelings he’s been stuffing down suddenly spill out like a shaken soda can. It’s like he’s keeping an emotional zoo in there.
Remember the movie “500 Days of Summer”? The main character, Tom Hansen, lets his emotions flow after a drinking spree. It’s like alcohol acts like a truth serum on him, revealing the feelings he’s been tucking away for his lover, Summer.
2. He Might have been a Victim of Verbal Abuse as a Child
In a drug-induced state, his own childhood trauma might be a reason for his behavior. Those unresolved feelings of verbal abuse from his childhood resurface when he is drunk and the aggression follows.
Childhood trauma has grown into adult anger. When any conflict occurs during his drunk state, he cannot help but act in a childish manner. This is his way to control the situation, ordering things to be done in the fashion he wants, just like a dictator.
Think about “Gone Girl.” Nick Dunne’s verbal clashes with his wife stem from a history of turmoil. The experiences of his youth haunt him, especially when alcohol adds fuel to the fire.
3. His Surroundings Demand his Aggression
Is he more aggressive around certain friends, especially after a few drinks? Social environments play a pivotal role in someone’s behavior. The reason your boyfriend is verbally abusive when he’s drunk could be because, with alcohol dulling inhibitions, he amplifies traits in his character that the crowd expects or endorses.
It’s the general neural wiring of our brains that causes us to behave according to the cues and expectations of our social environment.
It’s as though his brain temporarily rewires itself, turning him into a social chameleon. “Crazy, Stupid, Love” paints this picture perfectly. Cal Weaver’s newfound confidence, courtesy of a night of drinking, leads to a hurtful barrage of words directed at his wife.
4. Underlying Mental Illness
Mental health issues, often invisible, can be the reason your boyfriend is verbally abusive when he’s drunk. These illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, or schizophrenia, can occur to anyone and they are often invisible to the ones who don’t understand these illnesses.
These underlying struggles can turn his words into weapons. “A Star is Born” doesn’t just sing about love. It delves into the shadows of mental turmoil. Jackson Maine’s downward spiral, combined with alcohol, creates a verbal tempest that rocks his relationship to its core.
5. He is Trying to Forget His Dark Past
If he’s using alcohol to navigate the waters of a traumatic past, it could explain the verbal storm. Memories he’d rather forget could be steering his words in perilous directions. War veterans and those who have been through abuse or childhood traumas, often drink heavily as they try to forget the darkness of their past.
“Flight” offers us a panoramic view of this phenomenon. Whip Whitaker’s past trauma and alcohol dependence collide, resulting in verbal abuse aimed at his girlfriend. It’s as though his history is charting the course for his present.
6. He is Unable to Manage His Anger
This pattern, where he is verbally abusive when drunk, indicates that there might be underlying issues simmering beneath the surface.
These anger management issues might arise from an inner inability to cope with intense emotions, that causes a damaging cycle of hurting someone else through their words.
Remember Gary Grobowski from “The Break-Up”? His battle against his temper unravels after a night of drinking, culminating in a verbal storm directed at his girlfriend.
7. He Might be a Narcissist
Narcissism, a personality trait characterized by being self-centered and having an inflated sense of self-importance, often remains hidden beneath layers of social decorum.
Stanley Kowalski’s portrayal in “A Streetcar Named Desire” showcases the amplification of narcissistic tendencies under alcohol’s sway, leading to verbal barbs aimed at those around him.
Related: 7 Types of Quiet Verbal Abuse That Are Hard To Notice
8. He Feels Insecure in His Sense of Masculinity
His innermost insecurities, centering around a perceived lack of masculinity, can tragically transform him into a verbally abusive boyfriend. These insecurities may drive him to feel weak and uncertain about his standing in the world as a man.
You just might have been too busy to kiss him goodbye, but you didn’t mean anything unpleasant from that. They would be comprehending that behavior in a completely different manner– as disrespect and a lack of love for him.
Lester Burnham’s character in “American Beauty” exemplifies how alcohol magnifies his self-doubt, resulting in a verbal barrage directed at his wife. The quest to assert masculinity becomes a battleground, and his partner bears the brunt of his inner insecurities.
9. He has a Track Record of Abusing Women
If you have a verbally abusive boyfriend when drunk, it might be because he is one of those unpleasant men who are violent under intoxication. This violence might stem from the fact that he sees you as an inferior person based on your gender and because of their toxic masculinity.
The narrative of “A Star is Born” resonates with this theme, depicting a cyclical continuum of abusive behavior. This cycle of abuse, exacerbated by alcohol, paints a distressing portrait of a relationship caught in a repetitive loop.
10. He is Envious of You or Feels Threatened by You
Insecurity often acts as a catalyst for his behavior. When you profess strength and independence as a woman, it might trigger his insecurities about his own masculinity. Your achievements and successes could inadvertently stoke feelings of envy and he could feel threatened by your prowess.
In the movie “The Great Gatsby,” the character of Tom Buchanan exemplifies the destructive influence of a jealousy complex driven by a quest for dominance.
Related: Pathological Jealousy: 8 Signs, Mental Health Effects, FAQs
Takeaway
The human mind works in a strange fashion. If he is becoming verbally abusive when drunk, it might be because of multiple underlying factors. Alcohol can impair judgment in people, but it is not a behavior that can always be excused.
It is essential that one seeks medical help to help them cope with the underlying issues. A healthier coping mechanism can help in fostering a better and safer environment where happiness and growth can occur.
Frequently Asked Questions –
What causes my boyfriend to be verbally abusive when drunk?
Family history, childhood trauma, mental illness, past history of abuse can cause your boyfriend to be verbally abusive when drunk.
Can narcissism be the reason for my boyfriend being verbally abusive?
Yes, that can be a reason for your boyfriend being verbally abusive, but there can be several other reasons behind his behavior.
Can verbal abuse form my boyfriend cause emotional trauma to me?
Yes, verbal abuse can be a reason for your emotional trauma.
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