The “bird test” is a viral TikTok trend and it is a unique way of assessing reciprocation in relationships. So, are you ready to validate (or expose) your relationship? Let’s go!
As users evaluate their significant others with the “orange peel theory” — which measures how willing they are to do small favors for you — another concept has taken hold of the platform recently: the bird test relationship.
So, What Is The Bird Test For Relationships?
Here’s what the bird test for relationships is — and what it may mean for your partner.
It checks how your partner responds when you tell them something seemingly insignificant, like that there’s a bird outside.
Related: Is Love In The Little Things? Exploring The ‘Orange Peel Theory’ On Relationships
If “you’re with someone… romantic or not” and you say something that could be unimportant, but your partner reacts with genuine curiosity, then it’s “a really good sign that your relationship will last a long time.
So basically, if your partner cares about what you have to say, congratulations! But if they dismiss or ignore anything you talk about… well, maybe there’s an issue.
The bird test for relationships doesn’t just exist on TikTok: The Gottman Institute conducted research related to it and claims that healthy couples constantly make and accept “bids” to connect with each other.
Bids are defined as “the fundamental unit of emotional communication.” They can be nonverbal cues or spoken words; pokes or prods to get someone’s attention or requests that demonstrate someone wants to connect in some way (like wanting to discuss birds).
You don’t care if your significant other likes birds or not. What matters is whether they listen when you speak ― actually pay attention. Then notice whether they said something like, “Oh cool! What type?” Or if they ignored you altogether.
The study by the Gottman Institute can be applied to non-romantic relationships, too. Bids (not birds) are fundamental for any kind of connection with another person.
Bids can take a lot of different forms, but every single one has the same goal: “to connect to someone else,” according to the research. Normally, healthy couples do this constantly and appreciate and reciprocate each other’s bids often enough that it helps their relationship grow.
Can the bird test really be the indicator that shows if a relationship is doomed to fail?
According to experts, it’s not so much about whether or not your partner failed this ridiculous test, but more about how you bring up issues you have with their “results” to your partner.
How do I address the bird test with my partner or friend?
- Mention the bird outside the window.
- What does your partner do? Do they ask about it or ignore it?
- If they ask, that’s a good sign for your relationship.
- If they don’t, you might want to talk with them about it.
- explain how you feel by using “I statements”.
- Be gentle and don’t startle them.
The bird test relationship is as simple as getting excited over something small and seeing how they react. For example, if you were to say “wow that’s such a cool bird,” would they look or ignore it completely?
If this is something you want to discuss, use “I statements” when explaining exactly what you’re feeling and thinking — especially if you’ve tried the bird test on them already.
Sometimes it can be risky to ask someone if they know what they’ve done wrong. This might sound like an accusation. However, if you explain your perspective… then the other person is much more likely to take it in and see things from your side without feeling attacked.
Instead of pointing out that they technically did not “pass” this absurd exam, try telling your partner how their lack of response when you put out what was supposed to be an emotional bid made you feel.
Also make sure that when starting this conversation with anyone — don’t randomly bring up a random topic without any context.
Related: Love In Reverse: How Contra-Dating Can Rewrite Your Love Story
Share your thoughts about this bird test in the comments below!
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