Why do men cheat, even when they are in stable and happy relationships? A former escort has the answer to this tricky question.
HINT: It’s not because he doesn’t love you.
Before launching my relationship coaching business, I spent five years working in Washington DC as an escort. This was a lucrative profession and I was fortunate to have met many wonderful clients and to have accompanied them around the world.
Still, I found this work to be emotionally taxing and a poor choice of profession if I wanted to live a normal life. Despite these challenges, I’d never take back my days as an escort.
I gained a unique insider perspective in regards to men and how they think, communicate, and rationalize many of their actions.
I finally understood why a man that loves his wife is still motivated to cheat. This work taught me an enormous amount about myself, my previous marriage — and why my own husband left me even though he still loved me.
Finally, I understood where I went wrong in my own relationship. In hindsight, I saw the warning signs telling me that my marriage was over well before I knew it was.
I now incorporate all that I learned while in the company of married men into my relationship coaching. I help women understand the men in their lives, and be proactive so they can protect the relationships and lives they have built together.
I am not writing about this topic to be controversial, accusatory, or boastful. I’m writing to let women like you know that in most cases his cheating has less to do with you and your ability and desire to maintain the relationship, and more to do with him and his own deficiencies and inability to communicate.
On a side note, I have heard other men and surprisingly some women argue that his cheating is due to her ‘letting herself go physically’.
If she would just get back into shape, he would be more attracted to her again. This is a RIDICULOUS argument. It places all the blame and responsibility on her and releases him any responsibility.
As if her only obligation in life is to be eye candy and work out seven days a week — give me a break. Most likely, he has put on a few pounds too and has no room to talk about her physical appearance.
While her physical appearance or his lack of sexual attraction may be a factor, it is rarely the ONLY reason men cheat.
Ok, so now you are asking why do men REALLY cheat? If it has less to do with her and more to do with him, then what is the problem?
Below, I have listed four reasons or patterns of behavior that explain why men may still cheat as opposed to simply addressing the issues within their own relationship:
1. Men are poor communicators in relationships.
He’s an Ace in many areas, but when it comes to understanding his own feelings and then effectively communicating his feelings with you, he gets an F.
If he wants more couple time, sex, or spice in the relationship, chances are he’ll try to talk to you about it a few times, but he will quickly lose patience, become resentful, and justify having to go outside the relationship.
2. Men have affairs due to their own insecurities.
I have met many men that have shared with me that they love their wife/girlfriend and the life they have together. They have a great relationship, she is gorgeous and they have a great sex life — yet he STILL sees other women.
In this case, his cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the 6 inches between his head. He feels insecure in one away or another and needs to prove to himself that ‘he’s still got it’ by seeing other women.