I Do Not Want My Worth to Be Measured by My Pain Anymore – Adeife Adeyeye Quotes

I do not want my worth to be measured by how much I can endure. I want a life where strength isn’t my only option – where rest isn’t a luxury, and softness isn’t mistaken for weakness. I want spaces that don’t demand my resilience to exist. I want to be supported, not just applauded for surviving.

– Adeife Adeyeye

I do not want my worth to be measured by how much I can endure. That sentence alone holds so much weight. It echoes in the hearts of so many of us who’ve been told—directly or indirectly—that we’re only as good as our pain tolerance.

That if we can handle more, suffer more, stay silent longer, we’re somehow stronger, better, more worthy. But I’m tired of being applauded for how well I carry things that were never meant to be mine. I don’t want my strength to be romanticized.

I don’t want endurance to be the currency for love, success, or respect.

Rest is not a luxury. It’s not a reward after breaking yourself into pieces. It’s not something we need to earn by pushing ourselves past our limits. Rest is a necessity. It’s a right.

And yet, in a world that celebrates burnout as ambition and overworking as dedication, slowing down feels like rebellion. It feels like we’re doing something wrong when we choose a nap over another task or silence over explaining ourselves for the hundredth time.

But what if choosing softness is the bravest thing we can do? What if the real rebellion is saying, “I don’t want to be strong today. I just want to be.”

Resilience is a beautiful thing, no doubt. It’s incredible to witness someone rise again and again after life knocks them down. But I’m tired of only being seen for how quickly I bounce back.

I want to be seen when I lie down too, when I say, “I need help,” when I let the tears come, when I decide not to push through just this once. I want spaces that don’t demand my resilience in order for me to be accepted. I want softness to be welcome. I want fragility to be okay.

Because the truth is, I do not want my worth to be measured by my pain, my silence, or my ability to endure discomfort. I want my worth to be intrinsic, unshakable, and untouched by how much I can take. I want a life that values balance.

A life where joy doesn’t come with guilt. Where peace doesn’t feel like a stolen moment but a consistent presence. Where love doesn’t come after suffering but flows freely without tests or conditions.

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Rest is not a luxury when we’re constantly in survival mode. It becomes oxygen. It becomes the only thing keeping us going.

But imagine if we created a life where we didn’t need to recover all the time—where rest was weaved into the fabric of our days, not something we crash into after burning out. Imagine relationships where we don’t need to prove our worth through sacrifice, but where being present is enough.

I want that. I crave that. I know I’m not alone in this. So many of us are quietly wishing for a softer life, where we can exist as we are—without the need to constantly be strong. I want to be supported, truly supported, not just admired from afar for surviving things that almost broke me.

So here’s to those who are done with glorifying pain. Here’s to those who are choosing to rest, to slow down, to say no, to cry without shame, and to ask for help without apology.

Here’s to the ones who are learning that resilience doesn’t mean being invincible—it means allowing yourself to be human.

Because at the end of the day, I don’t want my legacy to be “she endured everything.” I want it to be “she chose herself.” And that is enough.

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