If you want a physically and emotionally intimate relationship, you need to do things that will help you go deep in your relationship.
Let’s face it. We all love taking shortcuts. And, if we aren’t careful, our relationships are often taken for granted. But too many shortcuts can lead to a lazy, unintentional relationship that merely exists, instead of thrives.
If you want to shed years of emotional baggage, feel loved and cared for, and become your partner’s ultimate partner, then you probably want to keep reading.
Maybe you’ve been dating or married for several years.
Or maybe you’re just a fan of soul-shaking depth that heals you to the core…
Whatever your reason, you find yourself craving the ability to go deeper with your intimate partner.
How To Go Deeper In Your Intimate Relationships
In the day to day of our relationships, a lot of stuff can get swept under the rug. Combine that with the fact that a lot of partners don’t really get to know each other on a deep level at the beginning of their relationships (or at any point) and you could be highly prone to emotionally stepping on your partner’s toes without knowing it.
I recommend asking some of the following questions once every few months, and others on a weekly basis.
For best results, clear all distractions from your environment. Turn off your phones, close the laptops, and switch off the TV. Make sure the kids are asleep and the dog is taken care of. Clear out any and all extraneous things that could potentially ping their way into the space that you are creating and handle them ahead of time.
It’s unbelievable how much even a thirty-minute, distractions free, emotional blockbusting session once per week conducted from the comfort of your bed can do for your entire relationship.
Don’t believe me? Give it ONE try, and see what comes of it. If you don’t like it you never have to do it again. But this exercise could be the exact thing you need to take your relationship from surviving to thriving.
Here are 10 questions to ask to go deep in your intimate relationship.
1. Is there anything I can do for you at this moment to help you feel more comfortable or loved?
Assuming that you are kicking things off right by lying down together in a distraction-free room, it’s always good to ask if your partner needs anything before you start leaning into the heavier stuff.
Just like symphony orchestra members tune to each other before they play a concert, you and your partner might need to touch base before you get into the good stuff.
Maybe they want to lie in silence for a minute and breathe deeply. Maybe they want you to hug them and show your love with your eye contact first. Or maybe they need to quickly go and make sure that their cell phone is completely switched off. Whatever they need to settle in, let them settle. It will be worth it.
2. How can I better support you in your life?
Ahhh! the all-encompassing dream/mission/passion supporter.
Sometimes this question will spark something for your partner, and sometimes it won’t – and that’s okay.
Maybe it will come out as something as simple as “Could you please kiss me in the mornings before you get out of bed even if you haven’t brushed your teeth? It really affects my day for the better if you kiss me before getting up and getting dressed.”
Or it could be something as large as “I’m about to take on a really huge project at work and I really don’t know how much mental bandwidth I’ll have by the time that I get home. Would you mind making dinner for the next week and I promise I’ll make it up to you after this particular work sprint dies down?”
Whatever favor they ask of you, you aren’t contractually obligated to comply. But simply by asking the question and letting them voice their honest thoughts, you will be engaging in the dance of intentional intimacy.
3. Is there anything I have done in the past week that may have unknowingly hurt you?
Alright, brace yourself This is where we start to head into the emotionally uprooting territory of this exercise.
While I don’t believe that you need to shine a light on absolutely everything in the dark subconscious of your mind in order to have a healthy relationship, it is good to uproot the major things that get swept under the rug.
Whether it was something that you thought was insignificant or an argument that you had that you thought was thoroughly squashed, your partner’s answer to this question might surprise you.