Not setting boundaries to avoid upsetting people doesn’t make you a good or loving person. It makes you someone who feels hurt and drained and unsafe and running on empty.
You shouldn’t have to sacrifice what you need in order to demonstrate your care for someone. The right people won’t want you to ignore your self-care for the sake of making them more comfortable. The right people will want you to take care of yourself. They may not always understand your boundaries, but they will respect them.
If you set a boundary and it makes someone uncomfortable or angry, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have set the boundary. It doesn’t mean your needs are wrong or that you should retract and say yes. At the end of the day, your self-care is more important than other people’s comfort. Their comfort and self-care are important too, and it’s not wrong to want to make shifts to accommodate both, but if you have to ignore what you need in order to maintain the connection, it’s not the right person.
Daniell Koepke —