Have you been caught up in a May December romance? Love with shifting power can be a heady mix – but does your relationship have what it takes to stand the test of time?
How rarely does it happen that you meet someone and feel an instant connection with them? It feels life straight from a movie or a classic novel – they sweep you off your feet – or there’s a tension that keeps building on and you two keep clashing over values and beliefs.
Eventually you both give in to the attraction that you both felt for each other and it’s sweet, intoxicating, irresistible, intense, and all consuming – a psychosexual thing – a sizzling chemistry that makes you feel powerless and you just get carried away.
It’s only when you start sharing about your new-found love to your friends and family that you start noticing the raised eyebrows, that unmistakable look of disapproval, and if you’re quite unlucky, the onslaught of taunts, criticisms, and unsolicited advice.
Your significant other is significantly older or younger than you. And this gap of years between the two of you, somehow makes your relationship – wrong, iffy, or downright predatory.
But do age gap relationships (also known as May December relationships) deserve the universal hate that they get?
Do all people who enter into a relationship with someone older or younger have an ulterior motive? And most importantly, do age gap relationships work in the long run?
Various studies suggest couples with a huge age gap see a decline in their relationship satisfaction and mental health over the years.
So, when it comes to May December romances, statistics are not in favor. But matters of the heart hardly ever follow facts and numbers, isn’t it right? If you’re wanting to make your May December romance a success, don’t get disheartened yet.
According to a research, although couples with age gaps face many challenges including social bias, if they stick to their boundaries against others’ opinions and use the differences in their partnership to learn about each other, they can have a fulfilling and enriching experience.
In this blog, we would delve into those useful tips that can make your May December relationship a success and help you forge a strong bond with your partner that will stand the test of time. No pun intended.
But before getting into how to make an age gap relationship work, let’s try to understand why an age difference in relationships gets such a bad rap.
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May December romances are generally frowned upon due to the following reasons:
- Perceived Power Imbalance: Significant age gaps can lead to assumptions about unequal power dynamics, where the older partner may be seen as more controlling or dominant, potentially leading to exploitation.
- Societal Norms and Expectations: Traditional views often dictate that partners should be of similar ages, making age-gap relationships deviate from the norm and subject to scrutiny.
- Concerns About Life Stage Compatibility: Differences in life stages can lead to challenges in shared goals, timelines, and future planning, such as decisions about starting a family, retirement, or career ambitions, causing outsiders to question the relationship’s viability.
- Gendered Double Standards: Older men dating younger women are often accepted or even praised, while older women with younger partners face more criticism, reflecting societal biases.
- Assumptions About Intentions: There’s a tendency to question the motives in age-gap relationships, with suspicions that younger partners may be seeking financial stability or older partners desiring youthful vitality.
- Legal and Ethical Concerns: Relationships involving partners close to the age of consent can raise legal and moral questions, leading to heightened scrutiny and disapproval.
- Challenges in Social Integration: Couples with significant age differences may face difficulties in social settings, such as integrating into each other’s friend groups or family circles, due to generational gaps.
- Psychological and Emotional Differences: Differences in emotional maturity and psychological development can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, prompting concerns about the relationship’s health.
- Risk of Early Bereavement: When one partner is much older, there’s an increased likelihood that the younger partner may face the death of their partner earlier in life. This potential for early loss can contribute to the stigma around such relationships.
- Potential Caregiving Responsibilities: In case of huge age disparity, the younger partner may eventually need to take on a caregiver role. This shift can alter the dynamic of the relationship, introducing emotional and practical challenges, and raise concerns .
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Now, imagine an invisible checkpoint for your May December romance. What do you feel about the challenges listed above? Are you in for the long haul? How much societal acceptance matters to you and your partner?
Are the remarks from your friends and family hitting home? Are there deep lying issues buried in your relationship that you may be ignoring?
Are you old or mature enough to understand the consequences of dating an older partner and give consent?
If you feel unsure or there’s even a slightest probability of exploitation or manipulation involved, stop right here – this blog is not for you. We’ll never encourage you to get into something that threatens your safety.
And if you feel you have got yourself involved with someone who is making you uncomfortable, report to the authorities, talk to a trusted loved one, and get help!
However, if you feel your May December romance has grown on the foundation of mutual respect, admiration, affection, trust, and consent, and the age gap has not turned into a toxic power play, but broadened your perspective – then this blog is for you! Keep reading!
Now, let’s talk about some actionable inputs that can help you overcome the challenges that naturally come with your May December romance.
How To Make Your May December Romance Thrive
Here’re some key strategies that can help May December romances flourish, defying all odds:
1. Align on Core Values and Life Goals
Shared values, beliefs, and relationship goals are crucial for long-term success. Regardless of age, partners who support each other’s personal aspirations, respect each other’s values, and maintain trust and intimacy, tend to have more fulfilling relationships.
Talk about politics, talk about religion, talk about your views on war, peace, healthcare, and everything under the sun – if you two have enough common ground or at least can respectfully disagree with each other, you have something substantial to work on.
2. Prioritize Open and Constructive Communication
Effective communication is essential. Addressing problems constructively and fostering mutual understanding can help navigate challenges that may arise due to age differences.
Your partner wants to retire early while you’re busting your behind at two jobs? Discuss how they can support you more now that they would be staying at home or how you have a lot to learn from them to grow in your career. Make your relationship a safe space for both of you.
3. Recognize and Respect Life Stage Differences
Be mindful of the different life stages each partner may be experiencing. For example, a 10-year age gap between a 20-year-old and a 30-year-old might present different challenges compared to a gap between a 53-year-old and a 63-year-old.
Understanding these differences can aid in managing expectations and fostering empathy. Age disparity in relationships can help both partners broaden their vision if they enthusiastically try to see from the perspective of the other one.
4. Support Each Other Against External Judgments
Couples with age gaps often face societal pressures and judgments. It’s important to support each other and focus on the strength of your relationship, rather than external opinions.
Have strong boundaries and fiercely defend your privacy. Don’t let others meddle in your relationship.
Although their concerns can be genuine, your relationship is not an election – no one needs to give their vote – neither you need to run campaigns to seek their support.
Read: Sculpting Each Other Into A Fine Masterpiece: The Michelangelo Phenomenon In Relationships
Your Journey Has To Make Sense To You
May December couples can face hurdles on their way to relationship bliss, but by focusing on these strategies, they can navigate challenges effectively and build a strong, lasting partnership.
Your journey has to make sense to you, not to others. If you and your partner work together to overcome the difference of numbers between you two, your May December romance can blossom into a profound bond that’s enriching, fulfilling, and one for keeps.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How much age gap is okay in a relationship?
There’s no universal rule for what constitutes an “acceptable” age gap in a relationship. While some research suggests that couples with a 0–3 year age difference tend to report higher levels of marital satisfaction, many couples with significant age differences enjoy fulfilling and lasting relationships. Ultimately, the “right” age gap is personal and depends on the unique dynamics and compatibility between partners.
Is a 14 year age gap too much?
It ultimately comes down to the individuals involved. A relationship’s success depends more on shared values, compatibility, and mutual respect than by the number of years between partners. The age gap itself is rarely the most important factor.
Do big age gap relationships work?
Yes, couples who have a significant age gap between them can have a successful long-term relationship if they have compatibility, intimacy, mutual understanding, open communication, trust, and respect for each other.
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