How to be kind when dating?
Youโre a really good person, and you always try to do the right thing; youโre responsible, thoughtful, giving, and kind, right?
But, even though youโre well-intentioned, is it possible youโve become a nasty dater?
With the increased popularity of online dating sites and dating apps, todayโs daters find themselves with unprecedented access to other singles. The saddest result of this newfound access, in what I call the โTime of Tinderโ, is that people have become disposable. If you didnโt feel fireworks, why go on a second date when youโve got 20 other people waiting in your inbox? And why take the time to actually get to know someone when you can just swipe right to find someone shinier, younger, thinner, richer or taller to date?
I call this Online Dating ADD, and itโs a real thing. Overwhelm has changed the face of dating, and while itโs easier to meet singles than ever before, dating has never been more frustrating. As a result, people arenโt treating each other well, at all. And this bad behavior has left many singles feeling hurt and hopeless.
Thatโs why itโs time to change the way we date.
As a dating coach, I teach my clients to be kinder, more efficient, and more successful daters. Iโve found that a shift in attitude and a few small tweaks can make all the difference when it comes to finding love.
Related: It Takes A Real Man To Date A Woman With A Strong Individuality
The most important change singles need to make is to commit to being KIND when dating. Kindness matters in every aspect of our lives, but especially when dating. We need to commit to treating each other with compassion, thoughtfulness, and courtesy. We donโt mean to be unkind, but it happens. And it needs to stop.
Here are 5 things you can do right now to be kind when dating and to have more success finding love:
1. Stop Deleting Emails Instead Of Responding.
When dating, treat others with the same respect and courtesy youโd offer a friend, neighbor, or colleague. Would you delete a friendโs email without answering? Probably not! So if youโre not interested in someone who wrote to you online, simply send a short note saying something like this:
โThank you very much for your email. Unfortunately, I donโt feel weโre the right fit. I wish you the best of luck and hope you meet someone special on here!โ
Write that and you may receive a response like this:
โThanks so much for letting me know. That was very nice of you.โ
I know itโs hard to find the time to respond to so many people. But if you get overwhelmed, hide your profile and go at a slower pace. Take the time to respond to everyone who sends a thoughtful email. Responding is so much kinder than deleting, so please take the time to go the extra mile. Be kind when dating.
2. Donโt Start Corresponding With Someone Online And Then Disappear.
If you engage with someone, see it through. If theyโre offensive or share something that makes you feel theyโre not a fit, let them know. But donโt just disappear for no reason once youโve begun a conversation. I tell my clients, donโt be the reason people hate online dating, lol!
Related: The Truth About People Who Post Their Relationship Online
3. Stop Making Assumptions.
Would you want someone to stereotype you or blame you for the way others have treated them in the past? Of course not. So before you put someone in a box, ask yourself โ Do I know this for a fact, or am I making an assumption?
Donโt assume heโs bitter if heโs divorced or too busy to date if heโs a dad. If you have a question, ask it. Donโt assume you know more about someone than you do. Thatโs not very nice, and youโll miss a lot of opportunities if thatโs your M.O.
Watch this video to know how to find the right partner:
4. Donโt Just Go Through The Motions. Be Fully Present.
Instead of going through the motions, be genuinely curious about what makes your date tick and who he or she is on a deeper level. Make him or her feel like youโre truly interested. And also share about yourself. Slow down, be truly present, and stop listening with the intent to talk. That will make such a difference in the quality of your dates and your dating experiences will improve.
Related: 7 Tips And Tricks For Dating In Your 50s
5. After A Date, Donโt Say Youโre Open To Going Out Again If Itโs Not True. And Donโt Blow People Off!
I know you donโt want to hurt anyoneโs feelings, but ignoring someone is mean โ no ghosting allowed! Instead of disappearing after a date, itโs better to call or send a text the next day that says something like this:
โI really enjoyed spending time with you and think youโre a great person (*you can add some genuine compliments here if you wish). But Iโve spent some time thinking about it, and I donโt feel weโre the right fit. I wish you all the best and know youโll meet someone wonderful.โ
Sending a note like this after a date is so much better than going POOF and disappearing or ignoring someoneโs texts or calls. And if youโve been dating someone for a while and decide he or she isnโt a fit, have a similar conversation.
Blowing someone off is one of the most unkind things you can do. Be brave enough to be honest. In other words, grow a pair! Sometimes it takes courage to do the right thing, but you can do it.
Dating is hard, but it doesnโt have to be. Donโt succumb to Dating ADD. Stop focusing on quantity and be genuinely curious about each and every person you meet. Give them your compassionate and undivided attention so you can figure out who they are and if they are a fit. If theyโre not, let them know in the kindest way. In fact, be kind at all times. Youโll enjoy dating more, and the Universe will reward you. Thatโs the way things work. I know this because Iโve seen it happen again and again.
Related: 5 Glaring Signs That You Are Dating A Narcissist And How To Leave Them
Hereโs to being kinder in every aspect of your life, especially when dating.
โMy religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.โ ~Dalai Lama
โRemember thereโs no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.โ~Scott Adams
โA tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.โ ~Saint Basil
Published with authorโs permission.
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