Is Asking Someone To Stay In An Unhappy Marriage A Bad Marriage Advice?

Dr Karen Finn

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Before Taking A Bad Marriage Advice Check These Points

Does it make bad marriage advice if you tell someone to work on their less-than-perfect marriage? Living in a loveless marriage is out of the question, but is your bad marriage bad enough to leave??

Here is a guidance for answering one of the most difficult questions you’ll ever face.

No marriage is perfect – no matter how things may look from the outside. Every couple has struggles and for some, the struggles are so great that the only way to describe their union is as a bad marriage.

But there are a couple of curious things about bad marriages…

Some aren’t bad all the time or even most of the time. These are marriages that are situationally unhealthy and are reactions to something specific that happens.

The other curious thing about unhealthy marriages is that bad isn’t the same for everyone. What one couple (or one spouse) calls bad another couple easily accepts as normal.

So what causes a bad marriage?

There’s no single or simple answer here. People who are in unhealthy marriages have all kinds of ways to describe what is the root problem of their relationship woes.

  1. Betrayals – sexual and emotional
  2. Too much fighting
  3. Regularly receiving the silent treatment
  4. Not talking about problems
  5. Not cooperating or working together
  6. Not listening to understand
  7. Finding blame instead of problem-solving
  8. Being taken for granted
  9. Not meeting sexual needs
  10. Not meeting needs for intimacy
  11. Keeping secrets
  12. Passive/aggressive behavior
  13. Resentment
  14. Apathy
  15. Prolonged or repeated absences
  16. Infidelity
  17. Stinginess
  18. Wastefulness
  19. Anger issues
  20. Selfishness
  21. Lying repeatedly
  22. Improper parenting behavior
  23. Putting other families first
  24. Abuse
  25. Untreated addictions
  26. Irresponsibility
  27. Contempt
  28. Rudeness
  29. Scorn
  30. Bad example of marriage for children
  31. Gaslighting
  32. Name-calling

This is a long list and by no means is it complete. But what is interesting about this list is that it only contains three definite signs of divorce: abuse, refusal to treat addictions, and setting a dismal example of marriage for your children.

Related: How to Cope with Feeling Depressed When Going Through A Divorce

When is it, not a bad marriage advice to ask someone to stay in their unhappy marriage?

There is no doubt the rest of the stuff on this list describes a bad marriage. But even if one or more of these descriptions nails what’s wrong with yours, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s time to leave your marriage.

Identifying that you have a bad marriage is just one piece of the puzzle to knowing if it’s bad enough to leave. (Unless you’re dealing with one of the definite signs you should get divorced.)

Knowing that you have a bad marriage should trigger you to start asking other questions. Questions like:

  • Am I OK living like this?
  • Do I still love my spouse enough to want to work on things?
  • What have I already done to make my bad marriage better?
  • What am I willing to do to make it better?
  • Do I have hope things can be better?

It’s only by asking tough questions like this and answering them with brutal honesty that you’ll ever know if your bad marriage is bad enough to leave or only bad enough to make better.

I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce and personal life coach. I help people just like you who are struggling with a bad marriage. You can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice. And, if you’re ready, you can take the first step toward working with me as your personal coach by scheduling a private consultation.

Looking for more tips on dealing with your bad marriage? You’ll find what you’re looking for in Unhappy Marriage.

Written by Dr Karen Finn
Originally appeared on Dr KarenFinn.com

So, to sum up the above article, dissatisfaction in marriage is normal at some point, and some minor hiccups shouldn’t be alarming.

Don’t stay in a loveless marriage. But if there’s still a chance to work things out, grab it.

We hope you understand why it’s not always bad marriage advice to work on your unhappy marriage and give it a second chance, AND when you should definitely call it quits!

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— About the Author —

Dr Karen Finn

Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. She helps her clients navigate the challenges of divorce – from the moment it enters their mind as a possible solution to the discontent they feel in their marriage (it’s not always the best answer), through the turmoil of getting divorced, and on through creating a fulfilling life post-divorce. You can learn more about Karen and her work on her website.

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