The aftermath of narcissistic pain is distressing. Hereโs how to hurt a narcissist like they hurt you and reclaim control to find strength within!
If you want to hurt someone, you have to first know what they care about and what theyโre afraid of. When you know what someone cares about, you can threaten to have it taken away. When you know what theyโre afraid of, you can threaten to expose them to it.
So, what do Narcissists fear?
- Abandonment
- Exposure/ Having their carefully crafted reputation and false reality brought to light/Having the world know who and what they truly are/The truth
- Having their character smeared
- Being forgotten
- Loneliness
- Introspection
Read MY CLOSURE from a Narcissist
What do they care about?
- Having supply, people to admire them and give them attention
- Control
- Being important/special in some way
- The appearance of success
- The opinions of others
These are at the top of the list of what Narcissists want and fear most.ย
They are, generally, what drives the majority of their behaviors.
Getting Revenge On A Narcissist: How To Hurt A Narcissist
When a person has been cruelly discarded by their narcissistic partner, itโs normal to have thoughts of revenge. The problem is that the normal rules of the universe donโt apply when youโre dealing with someone who has an impaired ability to feel empathy.
You canโt reach a narcissist the same way you reach other people. You canโt appeal to their sense of decency, or to their sense of right and wrong, or even to their heart.
To them, the right and wrong of any situation lie solely in whatโs best for them and how they can obtain the best supply possible, everything else is collateral damage.
Read Why Is It So Hard to Leave the Narcissist in Your Life?
When you no longer serve as a source of narcissistic supply you are instantly an adversary. What is inexplicable to most, is the abruptness of their change in emotions. One minute they love you, the next you are enemy number one.
If you truly want to hurt a narcissist, leave them before they leave you. Walk away and donโt look back and live your best life. Ignore all their attempts at contact and go about your life as if they never existed.
If you are the one that is being left, agree with them wholeheartedly. Tell them they are absolutely right. You were going to end it too, but you were just waiting for the right time. Thank God they brought it up and act happy about it. Make no further contact and move on as quickly and happily as possible.
Easier said than done, you might be saying and youโre right. When youโve been in a narcissistic relationship youโre confused, lost, heartbroken, and youโre likely, hanging on by a thread. Youโre doing everything in your power not to be destroyed by the break-up and someone is telling you to act like youโre happy?
Whatโs the alternative? You could beg and plead for them to come back โ you already know how thatโs going to turn out. You could attempt to smear their character and expose them.
All thatโs going to do is make you look like the crazy one. You could tell their new supply the truth about them, but you already know theyโve been fed a plateful of lies about you and your relationship and again you come off looking like the crazed one.
Read The Silent Treatment and No Contactโฆ. What Are The Differences?
Any contact on your part, once they have discarded you, is seen as a weakness. It feeds their sadistic streak and they fill up on your suffering. ย If theyโve already got someone else lined up, you are nothing but a burden to them at this point. They may even use you as a means of triangulation to ensnarl the new supply.
Everyone knows, you want what other people want and you feel special when you are the chosen one. Narcissists know this, they plan on it and use it to their advantage. They donโt care how you will feel about it, or how much it will kill you to see them with someone else. Once they have replaced you, there is nothing you can do to change their minds.
Read 10 Rules Of No Contact With A Narcissist
A Narcissist once told me that while he was walking through a mall, he saw a good-looking couple holding hands, laughing, and being affectionate.
It enraged him, he told me, because he wanted what they had, so badly, but he knew, deep down, that he would never have it. Seeing other people happy and in love infuriated him. He wanted to hurt them, to take away their happiness so that they would feel as empty and miserable as he did.
If you truly want to hurt your Narcissistic ex, heal yourself, find yourself, live, fall in love again and walk through that mall laughing and holding hands with someone else.
Did you enjoy reading the post on how to get revenge on a narcissistโs heart? Drop a comment below.
Written by Savannah Grey Post originally appeared on Esteemology.com Printed with permission
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