Think back to those times when you may have acted out unknowingly. Think about when you freaked out over your partner talking to someone. When you became really nervous in the bedroom or made up excuses not to talk to your partner about something you know you need to talk to them about it. You can start to bring awareness into your thoughts and behave differently to get different results.
Meditation enables you to recognize the thoughts and feelings at the moment. Stuff like, “when Jake asks me to come to bed early, I feel like avoiding him. I began to rationalize reasons to continue to work rather than be intimate with him. I’ve never noticed that before.” Or, “whenever my girlfriend talks to her ex-boyfriend, I get really jealous and bring up irrelevant past problems. I never realized I did that until now.”
It’s hard. It’s difficult. But it will change your life. To start, just try meditating for 3 minutes. Do that for 21 days straight. Then build from there. Simple, right? If you want a non-spiritual guided meditation, then check out Sam Harris’s Meditation here. It’s my favorite.
The final way is…
3. Therapy for Emotional Blockages
Yup. Go see a shrink. Here’s why. My personal therapist was a Godsend to my emotional health and relationships. In fact, it was so powerful that I am now attending the same master’s program he did.
A quality therapist asks the “why?” questions like above but dives even deeper in the depths of your emotional makeup. They guide you into lines of questioning about yourself that you’ve never considered before.
A therapist is able to see the entire picture of your pain, while you are still stuck in the frame. This allows them to show you that something you always believed to be true was actually an emotional reaction. They can expose how your part of interaction influences another person to fulfill your deepest fears.
For example, I had an unfortunate romantic event that happened in college. I hadn’t really explored how it had impacted my relationships and myself until I got into therapy. Once I did, my therapist helped me realize its impact and how it affected me, and that allowed me to begin working past those issues. It allowed me to cultivate the healthy relationships my old emotional patterns were preventing me from having.
These approaches won’t create instant transformations. You won’t wake up one day and say, “shit, I never realized how much I needed to feel an emotional connection.”
The process of uncovering emotional patterns slowly plays out over time. It’s like losing weight or getting fit. Yes, you can take steroids or get the fat sucked out of your body, but eventually, your old unhealthy habits will cause you to surpass your fat ass in weight again.
There’s no shortcut. The only way is through: through the tiny realizations. Through the minor epiphanies. Each will reveal a deeper layer of yourself.
Once you can understand your emotional needs, you can then take the steps to actually getting them met. You can enable your partner to meet your needs, instead of blocking them from giving you the love you need.
1. Note; Often this behavior is a byproduct of insecurity and a lack of trust towards the person you are dating. This was an ultimate low in my relationships but also a slap to my face that I had some deeper emotional issues that needed addressing. Now I have a very healthy relationship with someone I trust. #Winning
If you want to transform conflict into material to build a stronger and more connected relationship then read Kyle Benson’s conflict blueprints here.
You may also like:
- 6 Steps to Mindfully Deal With Difficult Emotions in Relationships
- 8 Dangers of Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Person
- The 3 Needs Of Every Lover for a Healthy Relationship
- Your Partner Cannot Meet All Your Emotional Needs