6 Practical Tips For Defusing Arguments With Your Partner

Defusing arguments with your partner in a healthy and mature way is the key to having a satisfying, and emotionally healthy relationship.

Arguments in your relationship are an inevitable part of life. Most of us have heated discussions with those we are closest to us, and that particularly holds true with our partners.

However, while conflicts may sometimes be unavoidable, letting matters get out of hand is not. If you find yourself in a verbal altercation, use these tips to defuse the argument and return you to a place of peace and calm where you can rationally discuss your differences.

Here Are 6 Practical Tips For Defusing Arguments With Your Partner

1. Listen. 

In most arguments, neither side is completely right or completely wrong. Your partner probably does have a point. If you can learn to see their perspective, you will understand why they are angry or upset. This will allow you to give a little ground and move toward a positive agreement.

Many fights boil down to a misunderstanding. You might not even be arguing about the same thing. Slow down and listen and you may find your differences are less significant than you thought.

2. Calm down. 

Many arguments that should be minor can quickly blow up because both parties let their emotions get the better of them. In the heat of the moment, mean, damaging words can be spoken that will later be deeply regretted. Avoid such mistakes by staying as calm as possible.

Given how hard this often is to do, a good idea is to take a short break from the discussion if you feel your own intensity rising. When you take this break, don’t think about the argument or what you want to say. In fact, do something distracting, relaxing, or stress-reducing before returning to the conversation.

Related: 13 Habits Common In All Successful Relationships

3. Accept your differences. 

Ideally, all arguments would end with both sides agreeing and walking away happy. In the real world, some differences can’t really be solved. One of the keys to conflict management is learning when to recognize a “lost cause”. If neither of you is going to budge, then humbly end the conversation and move on.

For example, many happily married couples have learned that there are certain topics they should not discuss. Perhaps politics, or the behavior of a relative. It helps if you can accept that some problems in your marriage are not solvable.

4. Stick to the topic. 

An argument about who forgot to take out the trash should not be used as an excuse to belittle your partner’s character. Such contempt (for example, insults, belligerence, eye-rolling), is very dangerous to a long-term relationship and is one of the predictors of divorce.

When you are irritated it is easy for the scope of a fight to broaden, and for the dispute to become a chance for both sides to vent their annoyance on any and all topics. This sort of “kitchen sinking” will just cause more pain and will not help solve the original problem. If you must argue, at least stay focused on the matter at hand. The more the argument centers on specifics, the better the chance for a peaceful outcome.

Related: 10 Mean Fighting Strategies To Avoid In Relationships

5. Stop caring about ‘winning’. 

When couples get into big arguments, their egos can get in the way of a resolution. Sometimes a dispute of minuscule proportions will continue for hours because each partner wants to ‘win’ the argument and prove the other person wrong. Of course, this only makes matters worse.

Remember, harsh fighting is a lose-lose scenario for a marriage. You will ultimately be happier if you back down or just agree to disagree. Trying to win the argument will only make reconciliation harder.

Defusing Arguments

6. Watch your body language and tone. 

Confrontations that become destructive are most frequently about triggering each other. Our brains often pay more attention to the nonverbal, tone, facial expression than the actual words. Shouting and screaming, an aggressive, standoffish stance or refusing to talk can do just as much damage as harsh words spoken. Sometimes, without even noticing, a person will raise their voice or have a belligerent tone.

Pay attention to how you hold yourself, and speak in a softer, calmer, and more neutral voice. Whatever the nature of the discussion, maintaining a friendly attitude will indicate that you do not want the argument to escalate.

Share and discuss these techniques with each other. The two of you will probably still get into arguments, but at least you will have a method for minimizing unnecessary escalations or insults and resolve it without lingering bad feelings.

Bringing empathy for your partner and curiosity towards their views and feelings will also go a long way. If you find that you keep engaging in repeated, negative patterns of fighting, professional guidance from a couple therapist is always available to get you on the right track.

I’m Dr. Marni Feuerman, a highly trained couple therapist in South Florida. If you and your partner need help with communication problems, don’t hesitate to reach out to me!


Written By Marni Feuerman
Originally Appeared In The Talking Solution

No relationship is immune from friction and arguments, and neither should they be. When you argue with your partner once in a while, it means you still care about each other. But always work on handling and defusing your arguments in a healthy way, and make sure that no matter what happens, you never resort to ad hominem attacks. Your relationship does not depend on arguments; however, how you argue with each other can decide the fate of your relationship.

Tips Defusing Arguments Partner Pin

Published On:

Last updated on:

Dr. Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT

People are searching every day for answers to life’s challenges and problems, especially when the problem involves love and relationships. It’s really hard to be objective or stay accountable and that’s when a helping professional like me steps in and provides valuable help. I have assisted countless clients to heal their relationships, solve their problems and reach their potential. Let me help you get a new perspective on things. I can help you stop repeating unhealthy dating and relationship patterns and I can also help you and your partner together to stop fighting and grow your emotional and physical connection. I encourage you to view my official author website or my South Florida based psychotherapy practice website for full details about me and my practice. I am able to offer services face-to-face or online anywhere in the world! Check out my self-help book titled, Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart About Healthy Relationships.

Disclaimer: The informational content on The Minds Journal have been created and reviewed by qualified mental health professionals. They are intended solely for educational and self-awareness purposes and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing emotional distress or have concerns about your mental health, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional or healthcare provider.

Leave a Comment

Today's Horoscope

Latest Quizzes

How To Eat A Sandwich: Cool Personality Quiz With 3 Options

How To Eat A Sandwich: The Next Bite Personality Test

Can we figure out your big personality secret based on which part of a sandwich you’d bite next? Only one way to know!

Latest Quotes

Weekly Horoscope 16 June To 22 June part one

Weekly Horoscope 16 June To 22 June

Weekly Horoscope 16 June To 22 June Aries (March 21 – April 19)Focus sharpens as Mars enters Virgo. Your daily routines get a revamp. Midweek brings a push to act with purpose. By the weekend, mood swings may cloud decisions, rest and reset. Taurus (April 20 – May 20)Creative plans take form through practical effort…

Readers Blog

Caption This Image and Selected Wisepicks – 15 June 2025

Ready to unleash your inner wordsmith? ✨??☺️ Now’s your chance to show off your wit, charm, or sheer genius in just one line! Whether it’s laugh-out-loud funny or surprisingly deep, we want to hear it. Submit your funniest, wittiest, or most thought-provoking caption in the comments. We’ll pick 15+ winners to be featured on our…

Latest Articles

Defusing arguments with your partner in a healthy and mature way is the key to having a satisfying, and emotionally healthy relationship.

Arguments in your relationship are an inevitable part of life. Most of us have heated discussions with those we are closest to us, and that particularly holds true with our partners.

However, while conflicts may sometimes be unavoidable, letting matters get out of hand is not. If you find yourself in a verbal altercation, use these tips to defuse the argument and return you to a place of peace and calm where you can rationally discuss your differences.

Here Are 6 Practical Tips For Defusing Arguments With Your Partner

1. Listen. 

In most arguments, neither side is completely right or completely wrong. Your partner probably does have a point. If you can learn to see their perspective, you will understand why they are angry or upset. This will allow you to give a little ground and move toward a positive agreement.

Many fights boil down to a misunderstanding. You might not even be arguing about the same thing. Slow down and listen and you may find your differences are less significant than you thought.

2. Calm down. 

Many arguments that should be minor can quickly blow up because both parties let their emotions get the better of them. In the heat of the moment, mean, damaging words can be spoken that will later be deeply regretted. Avoid such mistakes by staying as calm as possible.

Given how hard this often is to do, a good idea is to take a short break from the discussion if you feel your own intensity rising. When you take this break, don’t think about the argument or what you want to say. In fact, do something distracting, relaxing, or stress-reducing before returning to the conversation.

Related: 13 Habits Common In All Successful Relationships

3. Accept your differences. 

Ideally, all arguments would end with both sides agreeing and walking away happy. In the real world, some differences can’t really be solved. One of the keys to conflict management is learning when to recognize a “lost cause”. If neither of you is going to budge, then humbly end the conversation and move on.

For example, many happily married couples have learned that there are certain topics they should not discuss. Perhaps politics, or the behavior of a relative. It helps if you can accept that some problems in your marriage are not solvable.

4. Stick to the topic. 

An argument about who forgot to take out the trash should not be used as an excuse to belittle your partner’s character. Such contempt (for example, insults, belligerence, eye-rolling), is very dangerous to a long-term relationship and is one of the predictors of divorce.

When you are irritated it is easy for the scope of a fight to broaden, and for the dispute to become a chance for both sides to vent their annoyance on any and all topics. This sort of “kitchen sinking” will just cause more pain and will not help solve the original problem. If you must argue, at least stay focused on the matter at hand. The more the argument centers on specifics, the better the chance for a peaceful outcome.

Related: 10 Mean Fighting Strategies To Avoid In Relationships

5. Stop caring about ‘winning’. 

When couples get into big arguments, their egos can get in the way of a resolution. Sometimes a dispute of minuscule proportions will continue for hours because each partner wants to ‘win’ the argument and prove the other person wrong. Of course, this only makes matters worse.

Remember, harsh fighting is a lose-lose scenario for a marriage. You will ultimately be happier if you back down or just agree to disagree. Trying to win the argument will only make reconciliation harder.

Defusing Arguments

6. Watch your body language and tone. 

Confrontations that become destructive are most frequently about triggering each other. Our brains often pay more attention to the nonverbal, tone, facial expression than the actual words. Shouting and screaming, an aggressive, standoffish stance or refusing to talk can do just as much damage as harsh words spoken. Sometimes, without even noticing, a person will raise their voice or have a belligerent tone.

Pay attention to how you hold yourself, and speak in a softer, calmer, and more neutral voice. Whatever the nature of the discussion, maintaining a friendly attitude will indicate that you do not want the argument to escalate.

Share and discuss these techniques with each other. The two of you will probably still get into arguments, but at least you will have a method for minimizing unnecessary escalations or insults and resolve it without lingering bad feelings.

Bringing empathy for your partner and curiosity towards their views and feelings will also go a long way. If you find that you keep engaging in repeated, negative patterns of fighting, professional guidance from a couple therapist is always available to get you on the right track.

I’m Dr. Marni Feuerman, a highly trained couple therapist in South Florida. If you and your partner need help with communication problems, don’t hesitate to reach out to me!


Written By Marni Feuerman
Originally Appeared In The Talking Solution

No relationship is immune from friction and arguments, and neither should they be. When you argue with your partner once in a while, it means you still care about each other. But always work on handling and defusing your arguments in a healthy way, and make sure that no matter what happens, you never resort to ad hominem attacks. Your relationship does not depend on arguments; however, how you argue with each other can decide the fate of your relationship.

Tips Defusing Arguments Partner Pin

Published On:

Last updated on:

Dr. Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT

People are searching every day for answers to life’s challenges and problems, especially when the problem involves love and relationships. It’s really hard to be objective or stay accountable and that’s when a helping professional like me steps in and provides valuable help. I have assisted countless clients to heal their relationships, solve their problems and reach their potential. Let me help you get a new perspective on things. I can help you stop repeating unhealthy dating and relationship patterns and I can also help you and your partner together to stop fighting and grow your emotional and physical connection. I encourage you to view my official author website or my South Florida based psychotherapy practice website for full details about me and my practice. I am able to offer services face-to-face or online anywhere in the world! Check out my self-help book titled, Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart About Healthy Relationships.

Leave a Comment

    Leave a Comment