Let’s be real—if there’s one thing that can totally destroy a relationship, it’s contempt in a relationship. And what’s contempt? It’s when you start looking down on your partner, feeling like you’re better than them, and that sense of respect and love is just… gone.
Feeling contempt in a relationship can be super toxic, and once it creeps in, it becomes tough to have healthy communication. It’s one of those things that, if left unchecked, can drive couples apart faster than you think.
But don’t worry, the first step is recognizing it, and that’s what we’ll dive into here. First, let’s try to understand what is contempt in a relationship.
Related: The #1 Way to Avoid Contempt in Your Relationship
What Is Contempt in a Relationship?
Contempt happens when one partner feels superior to the other. It’s not just about getting annoyed or frustrated with each other—everyone does that. This goes much deeper.
Contempt looks like rolling your eyes, mocking, or making sarcastic remarks with an attitude of “I’m better than you.” Over time, it creates a toxic environment where one person constantly feels belittled or disrespected.
And let’s face it, nobody wants to feel like they’re less important in their own relationship, right?
10 Signs of Contempt in a Relationship
1. Rolling eyes during conversations and arguments.
If eye-rolling is your go-to move during arguments or even casual conversations, that’s a red flag. It’s a physical expression of annoyance and disrespect. When you or your partner roll your eyes, it’s like silently saying, “Ugh, whatever.”
This might seem like no big deal, but over time, it signals a serious lack of respect. It’s one of those little things that can build up until one day, the relationship feels full of tension.
2. Being sarcastic more than normal.
One of the biggest signs of contempt in a relationship is this. Sure, sarcasm can be funny, but when it’s used to put the other person down? Not cool at all. It’s like taking a dig at you but disguising it as a joke.
Over time, you start feeling hurt and belittled. It’s a sneaky way of showing contempt in a relationship, because it’s not outright yelling or fighting, but it still leaves a sting.
3. Mocking each other.
One of the most hurtful signs of contempt in a relationship is making fun of your partner’s habits, personality, or even their feelings? That’s straight-up toxic. Mocking you doesn’t solve any problems; it just adds to the tension.
When you constantly fees like you’re being made fun of, it’s impossible to have a healthy, loving connection. This kind of behavior can erode trust and affection fast.
4. Engaging in name calling.
Name-calling is like taking an argument and throwing gasoline on it. If you or your partner resort to calling each other hurtful names during fights, that’s a big sign of contempt in a relationship.
It shows a lack of respect and a willingness to hurt the other person just to win the argument. Relationships thrive on respect, and name-calling is the opposite of that.
Related: 5 Signs Of A Toxic Marriage: When ‘Normal’ Isn’t Healthy
5. Using statements like “you always” or “you never”.
What is contempt in a relationship? Have you ever noticed how arguments escalate when someone says “You always do this?” or “You never do that!”.
These sweeping generalizations make your partner feel like they can’t do anything right. It’s an easy way to dismiss their efforts and paint them as the villain. This kind of language builds walls between you two instead of fixing the problem at hand.
6. Being dismissive of each other’s feelings.
Shrugging off your partner’s concerns or feelings? That’s one of the worst signs of contempt in a relationship. When someone is dismissive, they’re basically saying, “Your feelings don’t matter to me.”
Over time, this creates a huge disconnect. If you or your partner don’t feel heard or valued, it becomes hard for the relationship to move forward in a healthy way.
7. You or your partner stonewall the other during arguments.
If there is contempt in a relationship, after a point, stonewalling is inevitable. Stonewalling is when one partner shuts down emotionally, stops responding, and refuses to engage in the conversation.
This often happens after contempt has already built up in the relationship. It’s a defense mechanism but can feel like the ultimate form of rejection. When your partner won’t even talk to you, it feels like they’ve given up on the relationship.
8. Constantly criticizing each other.
Constructive criticism is one thing, but constantly pointing out your partner’s flaws? That’s one of the biggest signs of contempt in a relationship. It’s when you’re no longer trying to help them improve but instead tear them down.
If every conversation feels like a list of complaints, it’s easy for resentment to fester. Eventually, the criticized partner might feel like they can’t do anything right, leading to more frustration and hurt.
Related: The 7 Stages of Couple Separation: How Love Dies
9. Constant comparison to others.
Nobody likes to be compared to someone else, especially in a relationship. When one partner constantly brings up how others (friends, exes, or even celebrities) are “better” in certain ways, it’s a major sign of contempt.
Saying things like, “Why can’t you be more chill like Jennifer?” or “You are the only one who behaves likes this, and it’s embarrassing!” can cut deep. Over time, the person being compared starts feeling like they’re not enough or that they’re failing in the relationship.
It can make them feel insecure, unloved, and even resentful.
10. Power Play
Power play in a relationship happens when one person tries to have control over the other, either emotionally or physically.
This could look like one partner always trying to have the final say, making decisions without the other’s input, or even manipulating situations to “win” arguments.
It’s not about having healthy compromise; it’s about maintaining control. A power imbalance ultimately leads to a lot of resentment in a relationship. When one person constantly feels overpowered, they may stop contributing to the relationship altogether.
Okay, now that we know the signs of contempt in a relationship, let’s talk about what causes contempt in relationships.
What Causes Contempt in Relationships?
Contempt in a relationship doesn’t just appear out of nowhere—it builds up over time. One major cause is unresolved conflict.
When you don’t address the issues plaguing your relationship, it leads to more frustration and resentment, which eventually turns into contempt.
Also, feeling unappreciated or taken for granted can fuel these negative feelings. If one partner feels like they’re always the one giving and the other is just taking, it’s easy for resentment to take hold.
Lack of communication or miscommunication is another huge factor. When you and your partner stop talking about your feelings or don’t feel heard, contempt can sneak in. It’s like slowly building a wall between each other.
Bottomline
Don’t let contempt take over your relationship, otherwise, before you know it, the relationship that you have worked so hard for will be over.
Look out for these signs of contempt in a relationship and work through the issues that are affecting you and your partner.
Related: The Art Of Complaint Formula: A Game-Changing Guide For Couples
It’s always better to have hard, uncomfortable conversations rather than going through a breakup or divorce.
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