How to Be Happy, Even When You Least Expect It

Change can occur instantly and we need to be prepared to drop our expectations to be happy. Read on to know the solution that is within us.

In most professional sports, athletes reach their peak in their twenties. In their 30s, if these men and women are still able to compete, they can keep up with their younger peers because theyโ€™re able to use their years of experience to offset the drawbacks associated with their aging bodies.

But once they reach their 40s, no matter how well theyโ€™ve developed theirย athleticย prowess, their bodies canโ€™t handle whatโ€™s required of them. Itโ€™s at this point thatย retirementย is inevitable.

While pro athletes in their 40s may wish they could compete longer, I think most would not be surprised that their bodies are no longer capable of doing so. These men and women arenโ€™t spending time wondering why they are less fit than they were in their 20s.

But what may cause prolonged suffering is retirement due to injuries. Aย career-killing injury can crush theย dreamsย of athletes otherwise in their prime with a bright future ahead of them. Retirement under these terms may be far more difficult to accept. These men and women may be filled with despair asking themselves, โ€œWhy me?โ€ โ€œLifeโ€™s unfair,โ€ and โ€œIโ€™ll never be happy again!โ€ While thoughts like these are normal and understandable, over the long term, they will create suffering. And they point to the pitfalls of a mindset that fights against the universal law of change.

Read Which Door Do You Think Leads To Happiness: Your Choice Reveals Your Personality

Change can occur instantlyโ€”such as when you have some sort of accident. Or it may take place over timeโ€”such as how our bodies age as the years pass. What often happens is that certain change we have a tendency to accept. While it may not be our preference, we accept it. Meanwhile, other changes we refuse to accept. We fight it and fight it and wind up miserable over the long term.

Life can take twists and turns that are unexpected and unpredictable.

To be happy, we have to drop expectations of our lives turning out a certain way.

When ourย happinessย is associated with a particular outcome, weโ€™ve created the formula for suffering. This formula even applies to circumstances where we get exactly what we want, such as the dream job, spouse, child, car, house, or (input your desire here). Because once we have what we want, our minds quickly shift to either wants or fears: We want more of what we have orย fearย losing it.

You canโ€™t change people. You can change your expectations

So what do we do when weโ€™re confronted with change that we didnโ€™t expect or want such as the case with the pro athlete whose career was cut short due to injury?
As far as the athletes are concerned, accepting change means taking on an attitude that says something like, โ€œIโ€™ve had a few amazing years. Iโ€™m glad I had them, and now Iโ€™m going to move on with the next stage of my life.โ€

Unfortunately, many remain upset with their loss and suffer as a result. And they may hold on to their resentment for yearsโ€”maybe even for the rest of their lives. While the injury was not the athleteโ€™s choice, how he or she will adjust to it is. And the same is for the rest of us too.

Whatever expectation we cling to will cause suffering.
Life throws surprises at us, and the longer we live, the more surprises weโ€™ll encounter.

The good news is, if we rely on our human nature, we have a solution within us.

Humans over the course of millions of years have survived where other species have gone extinct because of our innate ability to adapt. Thus all of us are capable of being amazing adapters if we choose to do so.

People Spend A Lifetime Searching For Happiness.

But weโ€™re also free to choose to hang on to the past: The job we lost, the relationship that ended, the loved one that passed away. If we cling to our desires or our fears, we will suffer. Another way to describe clinging is fighting against what is.

Imagine we lost our dream job. If we dwell on how it was our favorite job, how we may never find one like it again, and how unfair life is, weโ€™re fighting against realityโ€”that this job is gone. Adapting to what is, rather than clinging to it, would entail telling ourselves something like, โ€œI really did like that job, I miss it and Iโ€™m sad itโ€™s gone, but Iโ€™m sure another one will come along. And whatever that maybe, Iโ€™m going to work toward enjoying that one too.โ€

Fighting against what is, is a formula for unhappiness.

This doesnโ€™t mean we become complacent and neglect to take action when possible. No doubt, we have aspects of our lives that are fully in our control. If we receive a bad medical report, but we can improve our health byย dietย and exercise, by all means, we should increase our physical activity and eat lots of healthy food. If weโ€™re in an abusive relationship, then we should take steps to end the abuse. But so much of life is out of our control. And if we fight against what is, weโ€™ll lose, because life with all its unpredictability will always win.

Read The Main Cause of Your Unhappiness Based On Your Zodiac Sign

The key is to focus on what we can control and work to create the change we want to see in our lives.

And when life throws us a curveball, which is inevitable, rather than fight against what is, we flow with it.

If happiness is our goal, then we have to focus our energy toward adapting to new circumstances and information. When we encounter the unexpected, no matter how difficult, there is always beauty in what life presents us.

Read 6 Harsh Realities of Life You Need To Accept Right Away

There is a story of a monk who was wrongly incarcerated. He lived in his tiny cell under solitary confinement for years. When he was finally exonerated and freed, he was asked about his experience: โ€œArenโ€™t you enraged at the injustice?โ€ โ€œHow do you feel now that youโ€™re free?โ€ Rather than reply directly to the questions, he reflected on how during his incarceration, he learned to appreciate the beauty of the cockroaches that heโ€™d see every day in his cell.

Improve your reality or lower your expectations.

When we learn to love what is, no matter what, we invite happiness into our lives. We all have everything inside us to lead beautiful, peaceful, and happy lives.


Written by: Robert Puff
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today
Republished with permission
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