Love matters to you. You have been waiting for it for a very long time, especially that feeling of bliss that envelops you when you find yourself falling in love with someone, and they reciprocate back. But what happens when they don’t? What happens when you fall in love with someone, but they never love you back? Heartbreak Central, isn’t it?
Every time you think and say to yourself, “This is it! This is the person I was waiting for!”, and the next thing you know, you are left with the battered, broken pieces of your heart. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you tend to fall in love with people who don’t love you back. You keep falling in love with the wrong people, who never give you back the love you so desperately crave for.
And why is that? Why do you keep on falling for people you can’t have? You keep on pursuing people who don’t share the same feelings, and while you are doing this, you are probably missing out on some genuine connections, and people who can give you what you have been searching for your whole life.
If you want to stop doing this to yourself, then you need to introspect and think about the reasons why you fall in love with people who never seem to love you back, and get your heart broken, time and time again.
Related: 13 Hard Truths About Love That You Need To Accept To Truly Find It
5 Reasons You Fall In Love With People Who Never Love You Back
1. You don’t respect and love yourself, and look for validation in others.
At the root of it all, is self-love, or how much you love yourself, or whether you love yourself at all or not. In other words, you look for love in the wrong people, because deep down, you don’t love yourself. As the saying goes, nobody can love you, if you don’t love yourself. The reason why you always fall for the wrong people is that instead of healing yourself and your emotional wounds, you look for others to do it for you.
You might get your love reciprocated, but somehow you will sabotage the relationship. You will finally be in a relationship with the person you love, but it won’t work out because, after some time, you will behave indifferently and uncaringly towards them.
You keep on making the same mistakes over and over again, and indulge in the same toxic patterns, because deep down inside, you believe that you are unlovable, and have a crippling fear of abandonment. So that’s why you leave them before they get a chance to leave you.
Unless you love and accept yourself fully, nobody will be able to give you the love you have been searching for, for your whole life.
2. You believe in love, but feel unsure about being in a committed relationship.
Falling in love feels like an intoxicating drug, that you just can’t get enough of, and the chase? It’s just the best, isn’t it? Maybe that’s the problem, you like the feeling of falling for someone but you are not really a fan of what comes afterward. When the stability takes over and the excitement starts to fade. When it’s not just about having fun anymore but getting to know each other on a deeper level.
You like to fall in love, but you don’t really want to confine yourself to a committed, monogamous relationship. You crave the excitement, but don’t want the maturity that comes with being in a serious, healthy relationship. You want the commitment, but you also want the freedom of not being in a relationship. You want to be with them for the rest of your life, but feel unsure about being with one person for the rest of your life.
These contradicting ideas swirl in your mind because you feel that you are undeserving of love. Somewhere within yourself, you have a strong feeling that you don’t deserve a healthy relationship, and you don’t deserve to be with anyone who will treat you right, and love you the way you deserve. Love is more than just a quick fix, love has the power to change you and your life.
Unless you feel comfortable with yourself, and feel okay with giving and receiving true love, you will keep on falling for the wrong people who will never love you back. Over and over again.
3. You are still holding onto your past.
You are scared of love because you have been burned too badly in the past, and you still haven’t moved on from that pain and trauma. The years might have gone by, but your heart and your inner child are still stuck there; you had your heart broken into pieces and it changed the way you look at love forever. You might think that you have moved on, but the truth is, you haven’t at all.
Whenever you feel that you are undeserving of love, it’s because your past is still haunting you and whispering in your ear that you don’t deserve to feel happy in life. The painful things you have experienced are constantly stopping you from falling in love with someone and being in a healthy relationship. You are holding onto the past like an anchor because you are scared that if you let go, you won’t know who you are outside of your pain and sadness.
After a point, you need to make your peace with your past and believe that just like everybody else, you also deserve to have a happy, fulfilling, and stable relationship in your life.
Related: 10 Things To Do Before Falling In Love
4. You are petrified of intimacy and vulnerability.
You fall in love with people who never love you back because you are scared of being vulnerable and emotionally intimate with others. You think that you’re ready to be in a serious, committed relationship, but the moment things start getting serious, you start sabotaging it without even realizing it maybe.
You want to open up your heart and love fearlessly, but the fear of getting hurt always stops you. Because you know very well that when you love someone, there’s always a possibility of heartbreak.
You find it hard to move past that fear, and be vulnerable; you want to love and be loved, but you don’t want to lose control, and love is all about losing control, isn’t it? Love is surrendering yourself and letting it guide you towards happiness and fulfillment. You chase the wrong people and fall for them because not only are you fulfilling your need for connection, you are also protecting your emotions at the same time.
So, when you fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back it makes you feel the passion and intensity of being in love, but at the same time, it “protects” you from being vulnerable with them.
5. You are not really in love. Not in the real sense.
When you think that you are falling in love with someone, it might be all in your head, and you’re actually not falling for them. Maybe you like the idea of them as a person, or you like how they make you feel, and you love everything they do for you to make you feel happy. You like what they bring to the “relationship”, but you don’t really love them, because somewhere deep inside you don’t see yourself spending your life with them.
You love the feeling of being with someone who is always there for you and understands you, but you find it hard to do the same for them. You pursue them despite knowing that both of you are incompatible and don’t have a happy future ahead of you.
But you need to know that true love is not fleeting, nor it is ephemeral; love is forever. When you love someone, you accept them fully for who they are, including their flaws. When you love someone, you sacrifice for them, compromise for them, are patient with them, and try to make them happy.
Love is peaceful and fulfilling, not chaotic and heartbreaking. If you don’t feel this when you find yourself falling for someone, then you are not really in love at all. You might be feeling lust for them, but it’s definitely not love. People tend to confuse lust with love sometimes, but whereas lust is just about bodily pleasures, love is all-encompassing. Always fall in love with someone for them, not just for their bodies, or the things they do to make you happy.
Related: The 6 (And Only 6) Reasons You Haven’t Found Love Yet
Now you see why you keep on falling in love with the wrong people? You are so afraid of receiving love that you keep on pursuing people who are wrong for you. In order to change this, you need to face your demons and work on defeating them.
You need to work on healing your wounds and give yourself the love your inner child has been craving for such a long time. And most importantly, you need to know yourself and understand who you are, and what you truly want. You deserve all the love in the world, but unless you love yourself, how will someone love you back?
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