It is very easy for people to ask, ‘Why didn’t they just get out of the situation?’ But every victim of abuse knows that it is never that easy, more so when the abuse comes from a person who is close to you. Abuse can be both mental and physical and the former is especially hard to detect.
When it is coming from your significant other, it can be very hard to leave the situation. An abuser will almost always force you to be dependent on them. They’ll use your own emotions against you. They will leave you in a state of self-doubt, paranoia, and depression. If you’re experiencing any of these feelings and your gut tells you that it is because of your significant other, you need to get out immediately.
These are just some of the techniques they’ll use to turn you against yourself:
1. All Your Emotions Are Pre Decided
Normally your partner will express concern for your emotions and they’ll want to know what you feel like so that you can both plan accordingly. But when they constantly make you feel guilty for feeling worn-out after work or for wanting to go out for a nice dinner, something is wrong. They’re manipulating your mind so that your emotional reactions will be determined by their own needs at all times.
2. Constant Self-Doubt
Once you’re an adult, it only stands to reason that you’re old enough to decide what you want to do with your life. As an individual, you have the right to choose the things that make you happy. A manipulative partner will keep making you question your own choices with sly remarks and pointed questions till you are no longer sure whether you can trust yourself to make the right choice. This is part of their plan to control you as you will start turning to them for help instead of doing things for yourself.
3. They are The Center Of The Universe
It is natural to expect your partner to be there for you through the ups and downs of life. But when your partner is an abuser, nothing will ever be about you. Even if you’re going through the most difficult time of your life, your partner will only be concerned with how they’re affected in that situation. You’ll be made to feel like a terrible person for caring only about yourself. They’ll try to cut you off from your other loved ones so that you can focus solely on your partner’s needs.
4. Their Problems Are Your Problems
Empathy is important for any relationship and you do need to be there for your partner when they’re going through a tough time. But when all your emotions are dictated by how your partner is feeling that day, it means that your relationship is unhealthy. Even though something may have gone wrong for your partner that does not mean that you need to sit and cry over it. You can offer them peace and comfort and feel bad for them but you don’t have to make their bad mood yours. And it is not right for your partner to accuse you of not caring for them if you don’t.
5. Breaking Down Your Self-Esteem
When you are confident about the person that you are, it is hard for other people to control your life. An abusive partner won’t like it at all and they’ll do everything in their power to tear you down completely. Every time you decide to do something for yourself, they’ll be right there to make you feel guilty about not asking them beforehand. They’ll point out all sorts of non-existent flaws so that you are never certain about your decisions.
6. You Keep Saying Sorry
Guilt can eat you up from the inside and an abusive partner will know how to use that to their advantage. They’ll make sure that you feel like you need to apologize constantly even though you’ve done nothing wrong. By the end, you’ll be apologizing for just existing as a person and you’ll feel like you’re messing up every single step that you take.
7. No More Spontaneity
Before you entered this relationship, you had a pretty good idea of who you were and what you wanted out of life. But now, everything revolves around your partner and you always need to keep them in mind before you make plans. It is natural to want to tell your partner or check in when you’re going somewhere. But if your partner is abusive, you’ll have to sit and rethink everything you want to say over and over again. You are afraid of the fact that they’ll act like you’ve done something to hurt them and you’ll end up feeling unbearably guilty.
8. Living In A State Of Anxiety
Your significant other has to be a person around whom you can be yourself, freely and completely! True happiness comes when you and your partner can be completely comfortable around each other because you’re sure of where you both stand in the relationship. An abusive partner will keep you in a state of anxiety all the time because you’ll feel a constant need to please them. Their displeasure only makes you feel guilty and you are scared to get them worked out. It is never a healthy relationship when you fear your partner.
This is the most insidious method that your partner can employ to break you down and make you completely submit to their control. They’ll force you to question your own sanity at every moment by making you question your own memories and perception. It can take years to recover once they’ve made you completely unable to trust yourself. If you feel like this is being done to you, you need to leave and find someone to help you. The longer you allow them to weave their lies around you, the harder it will be to get out.