8 Steps To Regulate Your Emotions When They Drive You Crazy

 / 

, ,

Emotion regulation is defined as the ability to affect one’s own emotional state. Learning strategies to regulate your emotions leads you to live a more emotionally balanced life. But regulating our ever-fluctuating emotions is not as easy as it may seem.

Are you struggling with yourself emotionally, and trying very hard to regulate your emotions? 

Emotions are the drivers for human action. They shape your experience as a human being. They can take you to the heights of pleasure and to the depths of despair.

Life without emotion is unimaginable—but what about life with uncontrolled emotion? Mental health professionals call this emotional dysregulation, which is feeling like your emotions are scattered, in constant flux, outside your control, and unmanageable.

This is a difficult place to be, but there is hope. There are skills and ways of thinking that can enable you to regulate your big emotions, putting you back in the driver’s seat.

Below are 8 ways to do this.

1. Identify what you are feeling.

Recognizing what you are feeling in the moment is half the battle. Research shows that identifying and labeling a feeling (affect labeling) helps with processing and resolving your emotional state.

To illustrate, think of a balloon that’s so full of air it’s going to burst. That’s like you when you have a big emotion. And everything within you will want to deny and ignore the discomfort, and that’s where you must do the exact opposite. Instead of denying, notice the feeling and label it. This will be like gently letting the air out of the balloon—diffusing the emotional intensity. But you’re not out of the woods yet.

Regulate Your Emotions
Regulate Your Emotions

2. Soothe your body, soothe your emotions.

With an emotional response comes a physiological one as well. Both states, physical and emotional, need to be calmed and soothed in order to attain emotional regulation—the soothing of one helps soothe the other.

Doing something that makes you feel physically better will also help you feel emotionally better. Therefore, think of things you can do, on a physical level, that will stimulate or soothe your emotional intensity.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Go for a walk.
  • Get outside in nature.
  • Take a hot bath.
  • Do hot yoga.
  • Go to the gym and work out.

3. Don’t judge, observe (in other words, practice mindfulness).

Mindfulness is the act of observing your emotions without judging them. Deep breathing helps put you in a calm state of mind where you can make self-observations of your emotional state.

Observation is not judgment. This is a key difference. By judging what you are feeling, emotional intensity increases. Rather, by merely observing, you reduce emotional intensity. Mindfulness also allows you to identify what caused the big emotion. Knowing what caused the emotion can help you better understand it.

“Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that—thoughts.” —Allan Lokos

“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” —Buddha

Read How to Understand your Emotions Better and Be More in Touch with Them

4. Absorb your mind, soothe your emotions.

Psychologists use the term “The Mind-Body Connection” to describe the intimate connection between the emotional and physical states. One impacts the other.

This is not just a point of interest; it also can help with emotionally regulating. When you can do an activity that stimulates one of the five senses—taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell—it helps distract and soothe emotional dysregulation. Considering the following ideas for each sense that you can stimulate or soothe:

  • Taste: Eat some chocolate, chew gum, drink coffee.
  • Touch: Hug a friend, get a massage, cuddle your partner, wrestle with your kids.
  • Sight: Watch your favorite YouTube video, look at pictures of a favorite memory, walk outside and look at nature.
  • Hearing: Listen to your favorite song that matches your mood, sits by running water, and close your eyes.
  • Smell: Breathe in deeply and notice every scent, smell a favorite scented candle, smell grass.

5. Distraction.

When self-soothing is not effective, sometimes it is effective to distract yourself from the unwanted feeling or thought, and then, at a later time, attempt to address and resolve the issue. Make a list of effective distractions that help take your mind off what you are thinking and feeling.

  • Go for a walk and listen to a podcast.
  • Focus on a subject that has nothing to do with your big emotion.
  • Read a favorite book that demands your total attention.

6. Opposite action.

big emotion may prompt a person to be self-destructive. When feeling self-destructive, think of the opposite—this is called opposite action. The skill is meant to be a counter to this destructive process by encouraging an individual to do the opposite of what they are feeling.

For example, if you see a group of people talking, and you assume they are gossiping about you, you could be filled with embarrassment and anger. You choose to walk up to them and yell insults at them. This would likely lead to a negative outcome.

So, instead of acting on the impulse to yell and attack, you walk up to them and start a conversation and get to know them. If that feels too intimidating, you can walk away or simply ignore them. These alternative options avoid the negative outcome of acting out one’s anger.

Read 6 Science Based Tips To Control Your Emotions

7. Radical acceptance.

Everything in your life falls into two simple categories: what you can control and what is outside your control.

When you try to control the things that are outside your control, you will make yourself crazy and controlling. Place what is in your life in its proper category. Put what is outside your control in the “outside my control” category and accept it for what it is.

When you believe the problems in your life are outside your control, but they aren’t, you will feel powerless and helpless, which results in missed opportunities for change and growth. Put what is in your control in the “within my control” category, and make constructive steps towards change.

8. Express and process feelings. 

Expressing and processing your feelings with a trusted confidante helps you find a resolution to what you are feeling. Giving voice to unmentionable feelings makes them manageable.

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that’s mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we’re not alone.” —Fred Rogers

Managing your big emotions effectively by using these skills will lead to numerous benefits. You will feel a new sense of self-control and mastery. These are benefits derived from hard work. It isn’t easy creating a new, healthier relationship with your emotions, but the work is worth it. And you owe it to yourself by taking simple steps to improve your overall emotional health.


Written By Dan Bates
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today

Keeping your emotions in check, and being able to regulate them all the time is not possible for anyone. But in some situations, being able to do that can help you a lot. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself for doing this; overcome each obstacle at a time and after a point, you will see that you are being able to regulate your emotions very easily.

If you want to know more about what emotions are all about and how you you have the control over your emotions, then check out this video below:

8 Ways You Can Regulate Your Emotions
Steps To Regulate Your Emotions When They Drive You Crazy pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Things People Learn Too Late In Life: 7 Eye-Opening Life Lessons

Things People Learn Too Late in Life Eye Opening Life Lessons

Life is full of unexpected events and sometimes there are things people learn too late. Though some lessons come with age and experience, as time goes by, we often wish we had known some important truths sooner.

These moments of truth can be very shocking as well as transformative, they help us live authentically, appreciate what truly matters, and make the most of our time. Below are seven crucial life lessons people learn too late and can still change the way they approach life.

7 Things People Learn Too Late In

Up Next

Is Lifestyle Creep Sneaking Up on You? 2 Key Signs to Reassess Your Spending Habits

Are you familiar with the term lifestyle creep? Even if you are not, you may be a part of it unknowingly. Wondering why? Because it comes very subtly with the upgradation of our lifestyle.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

You get a raise or a bonus, and suddenly, your daily coffee turns into a pricey latte, your old car feels outdated, and that budget-friendly vacation de

Up Next

Why It’s So Hard to Admit You’re Wrong: 7 Surprising Psychological Barriers You Didn’t Know About

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a heated debate, feeling that gnawing sensation that you might be wrong, but don’t want to admit it? Or maybe you are watching someone double down on their stance, even when all evidence points to the contrary, and wondering, “Why can’t they just say they’re wrong?” It’s a common scenario that plays out in classrooms, workplaces, and even family dinners, leaving many of us puzzled about why it is so hard to admit to being wrong.

Up Next

4 Powerful Ways to Accept Vulnerability and Sensitivity In Your Life

Vulnerability and sensitivity – are two character traits that are often misunderstood and considered obstacles, but did you know they can be blessings in disguise?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Our early childhood and formative years, particularly in early infancy, adolescence, and young adulthood are the main times when we get maximum life-altering experiences. This

Up Next

What Self Love Is Not? Understanding 5 Common Misconceptions About Loving Yourself

Self love is not just taking bubble baths and affirmations. It’s definitely not an individualistic ego thing. So what is it truly? This simple-sounding phrase has a broader meaning in our lives and in this article, we’ll discover what it means to love yourself!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

The effect of post-modernism has made everyone quite detached from each oth

Up Next

Toxic Positivity Vs Genuine Optimism: 3 notable examples 

To keep your hopes high in this competitive world is not easy. To be hopeful in all situations without dreading “what might come next?” is a rare positive mindset I lack. I started digging deep into the topic of toxic positivity vs genuine optimism through my phase of acceptance and denials.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

But I often feel pressurized by narr

Up Next

Do you wish to stop Procrastinating? Dopamine detox is your solution!

Often we fall into procrastination and try hard to get out of it. Getting out of the bed or completing a vital task takes forever and we delay each day by saying to ourselves, ” I will definitely do it tomorrow”, but the tomorrow never comes. Is Dopamine detox the solution?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});