8 Levels of Disclosure That’ll Help You Connect With Others

When it comes to interacting and connecting with others, there are 8 levels of disclosure that you should know about. Once you do, you will be able to converse smoothly with anyone and everyone you come across.

In the last post, we talked about how to How To Keep a Conversation Going? The Art Of Listening For Hooks — little tidbits of conversation we can relate to, remind us of something, or make us curious. 

We can take it a step further by offering hooks–revealing a bit of what we think, do, feel, and remember in order to give our conversation partner something to work with.

This can be counterintuitive. Those of us who are introverted, shy, or familiar with social anxiety often keep our lives close to the vest. We don’t talk much about ourselves. It feels like we’re taking up too much room, being annoying, or revealing too much. But then? It’s hard for others to get to know us, and we can end up feeling like a stranger in a strange land, relating a little too close to that song from Dear Evan Hansen.

By contrast, offering bits about your life does more than just extend conversation while waiting for your lasagna to finish its pass through the office microwave. Disclosing what you think, do, feel, and remember magically transforms your life from black and white to Technicolor for the people around you. You become more familiar, relatable, and, of course, likable.  

As a bonus, when you tell someone about your life, they’ll usually tell you about theirs, which is the very foundation of friendship–a sharing of lives.

Related: How to Connect Deeply With Almost Anyone In 10 Seconds Flat

Now, there are different levels of sharing about your life. What you share with your boss will naturally differ from what you share with a friend you’ve known for twenty years, your partner, your Lyft driver, your tennis buddy, or Angela from accounting. I’ve outlined my take on what I call the Eight Levels of Disclosure below.

Here’s a challenge for you: experiment with pushing one level deeper. Pick one, two, or a handful of people in your life and see how it goes. For example, if you usually stay on Level 2 with the office receptionist, try out Level 3. Or if you usually stick to Level 4 when you’re chatting with folks after your line-dancing group, test out Level 5 or even 6. 

Level 8 is reserved for your nearest and dearests, as it should be. And you can be picky about who is lucky enough to get a Level 7 from you.

But how deep you go with pretty much anyone else is up to you. As long as it’s reciprocal and you’re both at roughly the same level of sharing, you can feel safe trying out the next level. 

Far from coming off as annoying, you’ll come off as open, honest, and friendly. You’ll feel more connected. And who knows, you might even get an equivalent disclosure in return. 

The Eight Levels of Disclosure

Level 1: Greetings: 

“Hi, how are you, fine.” “TGIF!” Everyone keeps walking. 

Level 2: Small Talk: 

An exchange or two about traffic, the weather, or your local sports team.

Level 3: Universally Acceptable Questions: 

  1. “Where’d you get those great shoes?” 
  2. “Anything fun planned this weekend?” 
  3. “Going anywhere this summer?”

Related: The Art of Conversation: 25 Great Conversation Starters

Level 4: Universally Acceptable Non-personal Disclosures:

  1. “Jimmy Fallon was hilarious last night–did you see the bit with Reese Witherspoon?” 
  2. “That new taqueria around the corner is amazing–you have to try the carnitas. Except the guacamole is weird–I think they put yogurt in it.” 
  3. “I saw my ophthalmologist for an appointment this morning and she said she just bought a self-driving car–I didn’t realize those were even on the market yet.”

Level 5: Universally Acceptable Personal Disclosures: 

  1. “I was in a costume store the other day and I had no idea what half the kids’ costumes were. The guy who worked there told me they were Fortnite characters. I feel so old.”
  2. “I took my niece to the aquarium on Saturday and was mesmerized by the penguins. I could have stared at them for an hour.”
  3. “I went to Costco on Sunday afternoon and it was so crazy that when I got home, I had to lie down.”

Level 6: Private Personal Disclosures: 

  1. “I’m having trouble with my 8-year old talking back–I’ve tried everything and I’m not sure what to do next.” 
  2. “I have to give a presentation in twenty minutes and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m gonna go lock myself in a bathroom stall and breathe for a few minutes.”
  3. “Argh, I’m so mad at our boss–listen to what she said to me!”

Related: 50 Questions To Ask Yourself To Know Your Deepest Insecurities

Level 7: Vulnerable Private Personal Disclosures

  1. “I think I need to quit drinking.”
  2. “I thought losing 50 pounds last year would magically solve all my problems, but I still feel lousy.”
  3. “I really like you.”

Level 8: Deepest Disclosures

  1. “I’ve never said this to anyone before, but…”
  2. “I can’t do this anymore.”
  3. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

How deep you go with pretty much anyone else is up to you. As long as it’s reciprocal and you’re both at roughly the same level of sharing, you can feel safe trying out the next level. Far from coming off as annoying, you’ll come off as open, honest, and friendly. You’ll feel more connected. And who knows, you might even get an equivalent disclosure in return. 

Let me know how it goes! 

Related: How to Discover Your Deepest, Darkest Core Wound

Do you want to conquer social anxiety and want to be your true self? Then, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, would be the best book to read.


Written by Ellen Hendriksen
Originally appeared on Ellen Hendriksen
Republished with permission
Eight Levels of Disclosure Help Extend Conversation Pin
Levels of Disclosure That'll Help You Connect With Others PIN one
Levels of Disclosure That'll Help You Connect With Others pin

— Share —

, ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

“Why Do I Hate Talking On The Phone?”: 7 Signs You Might Be Dealing With Phone Anxiety

Do you ever find yourself rolling your eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh when your phone starts ringing or buzzing? Do you feel dread at the mere thought of having to make or receive a phone call and try to find out how to avoid talking on the phone? If you’ve ever said these words to yourself, “Why do I hate talking on the phone?” with frustration, you’re not alone.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || [

Up Next

How To Make An Introvert Miss You? 9 Simple But Thoughtful Things You Can Do

If you are curious about the mysterious world of introverts and are wondering how to make an introvert miss you, then you have come to the right place, my friend. Today we are going to talk about how to tug at an introvert’s heartstrings and make them want to be with you.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Picture this: you’re sitting at home, wondering how to capture

Up Next

The 8 Most Introverted MBTI Personality Types: Ranked From Most To Least

The MBTI personality types have always intrigued people, especially introverted people (I know because I am one!). Today we are going to talk about the most introverted MBTI personality types, and better still, we are going to rank them as per their level of introversion.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Let’s explore the most introverted personality types in the MBTI

Up Next

Supercharge Your Social Energy: The Ultimate Guide On How To Recharge Social Battery

Do you find yourself mentally and emotionally drained after being around people, even if you like them? Do you often feel the need to rejuvenate yourself by spending some time alone? This happens when your ‘social battery’ is running low. What is a social battery and how to recharge social battery? Let’s find out.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

Why Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents: 8 Compelling Reasons

You know why introvert extrovert couples make great parents? They’re the perfect combination of yin and yang. Introvert extrovert couples work really well because where one person lacks, the other makes up in spades. And this approach reflects in their parenting skills as well. They have different ways of looking at things, and they give the best of both worlds to their children.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}

Up Next

How To Be More Confident: A 12-Step Guide For Introverts

A confident introvert? Is that even a thing? Aren’t introverts supposed to be shy and meek? Well, no! Introverts can be highly confident, it’s just that the confidence introverts have is very different from that of extroverts.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

While they may still be shy and socially awkward, introverts can still be immensely confident in their abilit

Up Next

5 Reasons Why Introverts Go To Bed Early While Extroverts Stay Up

Do you ever feel like the best part of your day is slipping into those comfy sheets early? Well, you’re not alone! Explore the five reasons behind why introverts go to bed early.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

I know I’m not alone on this but bedtime isn’t just sleep for introverts. It’s the escape from a world of complete chaos. And di